borderliner
borderline
- Jun 19, 2023
- 20
My friends all treat me like shit. None of them actually care about me. A few people even texted me over the summer to "check up" on me and when I told them I'm not doing well they just left me on liked. This all sounds like one big fucking cruel joke at this point. Some others cut me off recently for seriously no reason, and I think today was the last time I spoke to my "best friend" as well. The reason was that she posted a horrible picture of me (and some others) without my consent, and on top of that I didn't even know that this picture was taken. I replied begging her to take it down, and she got irrationally mad. Basically making me feel like I'm the problem, telling me that I need to get over this, that I'm destroying myself with the mindset I have, that I can't be doing this and feeling like this for the rest of my life, and that I need to start letting small things like that pass in order to get over it. That "small" thing just made me have a 2 hour meltdown, shaking yet unable to move any part of my body, and I haven't stopped crying since I saw it. I don't know why I'm like this, alright? It might be because I'm autistic, it might be because I have OCD and will obsess over my appearance to an extreme level sometimes. However I feel like I'm not asking for much when I simply asked for that photo to be taken down, I shouldn't have to explain myself. She knows how much this bothers me yet she doesn't care. Nobody around me gives a fuck about how i feel except my partner. I'm very grateful to have at least one person in this world and I know some people don't even have that. However I used to have so many friends, I don't know what's happening for everyone to suddenly turn to me like this. I've only been bettering myself. It feels so lonely to watch everyone continue their lives without me, completely unbothered. It was my birthday recently and pretty much everyone forgot about it. Even family members who would always get me gifts suddenly forgot this year. None of my friends got me anything. The people who told me they would be here to celebrate with me all forgot about me, I was left completely alone. The whole summer I went out with friends 4 times and none of them felt good. Four more with my partner who lives more than a thousand miles away, those were the only times I felt like myself this whole summer. It really only gets worse the more time passes by, and it never even was great to begin with.
