Discussion Does anyone else cringe when asked if you’re ok or asked how you are?

[RemainingDubious]

Does anyone else cringe when asked if you're ok or asked how you are?

i often don't even know how to respond. i often attempt to avoid thinking about my own thoughts and feelings since the more i'm aware of my reality, the worse i feel and despise my existence.

When asked i usually automatically think for a moment and get hit with the reality i spend most my existence attempting to avoid.

The questions actually trigger emotional pain.

Since i dislike lying too, it makes the questions further more uncomfortable. When i answer completely honestly when it seems like someone has asked since they genuinely care enough to want to know the answer, it doesn't make reality any better whatsoever. No matter how much i may even like the person asking they don't have the power to make me feel better.

Has anyone found a way to politely avoid answering when asked?

i don't like to upset people, make people uncomfortable or make them feel anything negative. i hate it when people i know don't care ask for the sake of it. It feels rather intrusive.

i usually feel terrible and rude when someone random person, for example someone on a checkout that i don't know, have never met and probably never will meet again asks, since i deliberately ignore them. i become aware i'm a hypocrite since i personally don't like being ignored and feel like i've wasted my breath. Yet there i am deliberately ignoring someone else.

Am i the only one who finds it intrusive being asked such a personal question?

Why do random strangers feel the need to ask? It's rather selfish if it's only to pass their time. Are peoples thoughts, feelings, activities, experience, etc just a temporary form of entertainment for them? Why do people ask if they don't genuinely care?

What is the point? What does asking achieve? What if someone were to open up to them and tell them exactly how they truly are? Are they going to somehow make everything better? Are they actually willing to stay all day for someone to fully open up to them? Are they going to risk losing their job since they truly care and honestly want to know? How long will they keep other customers waiting because they're fully invested in you?

 

[heliophobic]

That's why I own this case.

 

[RemainingDubious]

You sound like a truly honest human being who is authentic and REAL. I'm so glad you asked this because for YEARS I've always thought the same! Why would a stranger truly care to know how I'm doing?! I believe society teaches us how to be polite to others from a very young age so it's engrained in us to say, "I'm good, How are you?" in such a quick response, BUT… there are enough people (obviously) who understand how society can be fake with superficial charm. Why can't we all just be REAL with each other OR truly love each other? Great question that deserves a good response.

i personally try to: "Be the change that you wish to see in the world." - Mahatma Gandhi

Once upon a time i was a complete obnoxious asshole, i was extremely ignorant, etc. There's times i look back and am disgusted at how i could be. There's countless times i see how foolish i was too.

"when you know better, do better." - Maya Angelou

There's enough bullsh!t in the world, i don't want to add anymore to it.

i have friend (with the patience of a saint) who actually practices what they preach. They often say let love lead. Which is good advice, if more people did that, the physical world and peoples personal reality would likely be much better.

Unfortunately it isn't so simple. "Love" is often relative. It wasn't until either my very late 20's or maybe even early 30's that i truly understood love. Which completely changed me.

It's sad that most people have never actually experienced love. So it's understandable how they don't actually know how to act lovingly. Monkey see, monkey do. Without a point of reference how are people ever going to be able to truly love one another?

i personally find the bible nothing more than a distorted story, however i find Jesus an amazing character. That whole: "Love your neighbor as yourself." mentality is exactly what the world could do with. It's no wonder he put so much importance on that commandment.
Even the whole: "forgive them, for they know not what they do." is a mentality showing love.

 

[Zaya]

I hate that most people who ask how you feel only do it as smalltalk and not because they actually care. I never say how I actually feel because I know they don't care so I have to lie and say I'm ok which annoys me because I hate lying

 

[KANCEL]

I don't like to be asked, especially by those who know my condition. I'm the same, not going to get any better and would prefer them to quit asking

 

[Unattainable666]

Interesting ... my response to this would be no one asks me because no one gives a shit so I guess the answer would be no.

 

[xmissellax]

It brings up a lot of feelings for me too. I almost want to say "I just want to die" anytime anyone asks. Saying I'm okay hurts because I'm never okay anymore.

 

[AlcoholicsCalculus]

Lately I stopped pretending to be ok and answer honestly. People don't really know how to take it

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

Well I've kinda just become numb to it because when I do tell someone how I actually feel I get criticized or yelled at.

 

[BlessedBeTheFlame]

It's all fucking bullshit anyway. Asking if I'm ok is just some idiotic farce to show their social norms. They all want me fucking dead anyway. If they actually were genuine, they would go "Hey, kill yourself, you piece of shit." This site bans suicide encouragement, but at this point people should start doing it. Everyone here is just one small step removed from doing it anyway, so why even give a fuck. Too much talk about "Thinking life has anything redeeming makes you terrible" and too much talk about "You know, if one were to want do it, this is a good method." and more "Kill yourself already". I can't with all these fucking people anymore. Everyone wants me dead, but everyones too pussy to state their case.

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

It really, REALLY depends on the person asking. If it's someone I talk to once in a while I just give 'em the ol' "i';m okay", but if it's a closer person asking me I tell them the truth, that it sucks and I'm not doing well, but we find ways to distract from that kind of convo by talking abt other things.

I've had so many ppl tell me I just have so much baggage and even if my current friends SAY they're here to listen, i've been thru the same song and dance so many times that I just don't trust like that anymore.

I have a habit of over-talking cus my thoughts never shut up and it can be very draining for people to keep up that way.

 

[Sivit]

Very normal question
I used to hate it too but its a pleasant to know that someone wants to know if you're well
What is annoying is that the question has to answered with "Im well" or "Im ok"
We are socially conditioned to ask it and conditioned to answer it with something posititve

 

[F@#$]

Does anyone else cringe when asked if you're ok or asked how you are?

i often don't even know how to respond. i often attempt to avoid thinking about my own thoughts and feelings since the more i'm aware of my reality, the worse i feel and despise my existence.

When asked i usually automatically think for a moment and get hit with the reality i spend most my existence attempting to avoid.

The questions actually trigger emotional pain.

Since i dislike lying too, it makes the questions further more uncomfortable. When i answer completely honestly when it seems like someone has asked since they genuinely care enough to want to know the answer, it doesn't make reality any better whatsoever. No matter how much i may even like the person asking they don't have the power to make me feel better.

Has anyone found a way to politely avoid answering when asked?

i don't like to upset people, make people uncomfortable or make them feel anything negative. i hate it when people i know don't care ask for the sake of it. It feels rather intrusive.

i usually feel terrible and rude when someone random person, for example someone on a checkout that i don't know, have never met and probably never will meet again asks, since i deliberately ignore them. i become aware i'm a hypocrite since i personally don't like being ignored and feel like i've wasted my breath. Yet there i am deliberately ignoring someone else.

Am i the only one who finds it intrusive being asked such a personal question?

Why do random strangers feel the need to ask? It's rather selfish if it's only to pass their time. Are peoples thoughts, feelings, activities, experience, etc just a temporary form of entertainment for them? Why do people ask if they don't genuinely care?

What is the point? What does asking achieve? What if someone were to open up to them and tell them exactly how they truly are? Are they going to somehow make everything better? Are they actually willing to stay all day for someone to fully open up to them? Are they going to risk losing their job since they truly care and honestly want to know? How long will they keep other customers waiting because they're fully invested in you?

I usually reply with " not worth a fuck. " or " I wouldn't tell you the truth anyway. ".

 

[orAbleCk]

I get the not wanting to actively lie about my emotional state thing, because I have this obsessive need to "tell the truth or else" that I've battled with since I was a kid. So I end up kinda rerouting people's questions instead of outright lying to them about my feelings. I think it's also why I tend to self isolate because then I feel less guilty about having to pretend or put on a show for people when I don't feel I'm going to be around for much longer? So if people ask me how I'm doing I'll be like well I'm about to eat this really good ___! So feeling pretty good! Instead of actually seriously answering the question.

 

[Malaria]

I don't mind being asked by someone I know, but if it's a complete stranger I've never met before, it makes me uncomfortable.

 

[TimeTrigger48]

It's cringe because no one who asks this actually cares, it's just a social formality.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

I say something morbid disguised as banter, then i forget about them asking.

They truly don't care, i take my first person experience (Main Character) and apply it to others, usually they seek something which is why they ask.

Such as seeking to clear awkward silences or nullify the fact they don't see you often as a way to keep you sweet.

I'm an expert psychologist, just how it works.

 

[LuvMeMusic]

I've been asked only 3 or 4 times, but each time I cringed. I tend to ignore the question and just say something unrelated or act like I didn't hear them and continue the conversation. Worked every time. I'd definitely cringe even harder if I did tell someone though. Hearing myself talk about my "feelings" is not something I ever want to experience.

 

[ConfusedClouds]

I don't mind being asked by someone I know, but if it's a complete stranger I've never met before, it makes me uncomfortable.

See I'm the opposite - smile and wave at the social norms of 'fine' or even an autopilot 'all grand'.

It makes me uncomfortable when someone I know asks because I just don't know how to respond. Combination of confusion and swings in myself but also then the risk of burdening the person with saying the wrong thing. But then this exacerbates the whole issue of not being honest, which I also hate. I self isolate quite a lot to avoid this.

 

[AllMyDreams]

For me it's actually easier when strangers ask me than when my family asks me. With strangers you have no obligation to share anything beyond 'fine', but I know my family actually cares and could be hurt by what I say. I've told them tons of times over the past few years I wanted to die and they're kind of used to it now. Luckily they are a great group of people and we have been able to have productive conversations, so I generally feel a lot better than a few years ago.

You don't have to tell people every single time you're feeling badly or every single thing that bothers you. But if someone who loves you/who you trust asks you how you're doing, I say there's no shame in being generally honest that you're not doing amazing. Because if you say "good" every single time a) no one will be able to help and b) once you inevitably can't hide it from people anymore, you will feel ashamed that you lied, and let what other people think get to you.

The hard part IMO is finding those people who love you/who you trust and who won't make you feel guilty or inferior.

 

[_Minsk]

same, there is no good option so I try to avoid altogether.. when I can I just respond with I'm ok or something

 

[Dayrain]

It doesn't feel genuine in most cases so I get you. And even if it is others can't help you in meaningful way.

That's so true. It's so silly.

 

[Naz027]

I've just started saying no I don't get why people even ask they don't care.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

I just tell people that im planning on killing myself.

Then i spend as much time mentally disarming them through a mind battle of utter casualness.

You see truly how they don't care but thanks to their social programming they will squirm unable to process the situation.

I can't help that im a psychology expert, its just how it goes fellas

 

[NeedAnEscape]

I've experienced a shift recently. Before, I was desperate for somebody to ask me if I was doing okay, and I would've been fully prepared to vent my darkest emotions to them. But, due to a culmination of stressful events, worsening relationships, and further development of suicidal thoughts, I feel horrible when somebody asks how I feel. I hate it when somebody notices that I am breaking apart. I already feel like such a burden onto others; making others worry is a confirmation that I have been letting everyone else down. I am clinging onto my relationships, despite sensing people growing disconnected from me. I am desperate for a distraction, a relief from my current state of my mind. Being asked about my mental state summons all of those depressive thoughts once again. I hate how pathetic I have become. I just want to disappear.

 

[MundaneMoths]

Does anyone else cringe when asked if you're ok or asked how you are?

i often don't even know how to respond. i often attempt to avoid thinking about my own thoughts and feelings since the more i'm aware of my reality, the worse i feel and despise my existence.

When asked i usually automatically think for a moment and get hit with the reality i spend most my existence attempting to avoid.

The questions actually trigger emotional pain.

Since i dislike lying too, it makes the questions further more uncomfortable. When i answer completely honestly when it seems like someone has asked since they genuinely care enough to want to know the answer, it doesn't make reality any better whatsoever. No matter how much i may even like the person asking they don't have the power to make me feel better.

Has anyone found a way to politely avoid answering when asked?

i don't like to upset people, make people uncomfortable or make them feel anything negative. i hate it when people i know don't care ask for the sake of it. It feels rather intrusive.

i usually feel terrible and rude when someone random person, for example someone on a checkout that i don't know, have never met and probably never will meet again asks, since i deliberately ignore them. i become aware i'm a hypocrite since i personally don't like being ignored and feel like i've wasted my breath. Yet there i am deliberately ignoring someone else.

Am i the only one who finds it intrusive being asked such a personal question?

Why do random strangers feel the need to ask? It's rather selfish if it's only to pass their time. Are peoples thoughts, feelings, activities, experience, etc just a temporary form of entertainment for them? Why do people ask if they don't genuinely care?

What is the point? What does asking achieve? What if someone were to open up to them and tell them exactly how they truly are? Are they going to somehow make everything better? Are they actually willing to stay all day for someone to fully open up to them? Are they going to risk losing their job since they truly care and honestly want to know? How long will they keep other customers waiting because they're fully invested in you?

I struggle with this too. I used to take opportunities to be honest, and it never panned out well. I work in an office and it's a general passing question with colleagues… I sometimes try to be creative with how I share what's on my mind. Make a joke about it, but sometimes that can go too far too. If I'm having a really bad day I say fine, and try to immediately send it back to them, hoping they'll have some story to pass the moment and get the attention off me.

I don't think there's a right way for this. It's a pretty empty expression and I assume purely out of routine instinct for most people. Humans are creatures of habit and we aren't always aware of our actions when it's in these mundane moments. We, as very sad humans, tend to be much more aware of everything passing us by, so we find the inauthenticity of "hi how are you?", without actually wanting to know, pretty vulgar.

 

[Endofit]

At first, I would answer the truth out of despair and loneliness. But I've realized no one can actually help, and that my dark thought are scaring them away. I'm now barely answering anything, or just "i'm okay" so the conversation stops before it reaches a point where I actually tell them that I want to die. It feels even more lonely but that's inevitable I guess.

 

[lostmind38]

I find that people ask either out of politeness, so the usual "I am fine, you?" does the job or they genuinely care but then they can't cope with your honesty. They feel uncomfortable, worried and feel obliged to give you advice, to tell you that "there is help out there".....So, "I am ok" is always my answer.

 

[broth0100]

When most ppl ask me if im ok it makes me extremely angry

 

[Meteora]

I don't feel so uncomfortable anymore. Sometimes a bit annoyed because most of the time it is just a empty phrase. I think it this case you have to lie a bit.
On the other hand I don't want to tell everyone how I really feel.
I solved it as follows: If it is a superficial question I just say "oh I m doing good." Then I change subject (because if you ask "how are you" you end up listening to a life story which I m not interested in anymore). Took me a long time to learn that.
With most people I can anyway not talk about what really moves me. Then there are these rather innocuous subjects like talking hobbies etc.

No matter how much i may even like the person asking they don't have the power to make me feel better.

Why is that?

Are peoples thoughts, feelings, activities, experience, etc just a temporary form of entertainment for them? Why do people ask if they don't genuinely care?

In my opinion, for some it is entertainment, curiosity but it is also a usage to ask this question.

Are they going to somehow make everything better? Are they actually willing to stay all day for someone to fully open up to them?

No, they re not gonna make it better, they re not gonna stay and help you, acutally they don't even care. At least that is my experience.

 

[RemainingDubious]

I don't feel so uncomfortable anymore. Sometimes a bit annoyed because most of the time it is just a empty phrase. I think it this case you have to lie a bit.
On the other hand I don't want to tell everyone how I really feel.

Those closest to me should know better. i shouldn't have to spell it out for them over and over. i try my hardest to avoid knowing the answer myself which they know so it gets rather annoying at times.

When strangers ask when i'm at a checkout or something. it really irritates me. i'm only there to purchase whatever. i feel like they're intrusive. If i wanted to be asked questions i'd sign up for a game show or something. If i wanted to have a conversation with them i'd initiate one with them.

i'm aware i ask people questions quite abit but that's due to me actually caring and wanting to understand or provide questions for them to discover an answer for themselves that may be of some help. Most people dislike being wrong especially when told they're wrong. i personally learn much better when i've learnt for myself. So when i notice assumption or false summaries i try to get them to rethink about it.

I solved it as follows: If it is a superficial question I just say "oh I m doing good." Then I change subject (because if you ask "how are you" you end up listening to a life story which I m not interested in anymore). Took me a long time to learn that.
With most people I can anyway not talk about what really moves me. Then there are these rather innocuous subjects like talking hobbies etc.

i'm so socially awkward i usually don't have anything to say, so want most conversations to end. i actually don't think i've learnt the art of changing subject since i often don't even want the majority of conversations in the first place.

Why is that?

i'm my biggest problem. my mind constantly tortures me. even happy memories hurt. since we only truly exist in our own mind unless someone wipes my mind, kills me or makes me completely brain dead, they can't help.

In my opinion, for some it is entertainment, curiosity but it is also a usage to ask this question.

i honestly don't understand, i find it weird people asking questions they don't even want to know the answer to.

No, they re not gonna make it better, they re not gonna stay and help you, acutally they don't even care. At least that is my experience.

That's also my experience, which is why it annoys me so much. It's completely pointless.