Discussion Does anyone else cringe when asked if you’re ok or asked how you are?

[RemainingDubious]

Does anyone else cringe when asked if you're ok or asked how you are?

i often don't even know how to respond. i often attempt to avoid thinking about my own thoughts and feelings since the more i'm aware of my reality, the worse i feel and despise my existence.

When asked i usually automatically think for a moment and get hit with the reality i spend most my existence attempting to avoid.

The questions actually trigger emotional pain.

Since i dislike lying too, it makes the questions further more uncomfortable. When i answer completely honestly when it seems like someone has asked since they genuinely care enough to want to know the answer, it doesn't make reality any better whatsoever. No matter how much i may even like the person asking they don't have the power to make me feel better.

Has anyone found a way to politely avoid answering when asked?

i don't like to upset people, make people uncomfortable or make them feel anything negative. i hate it when people i know don't care ask for the sake of it. It feels rather intrusive.

i usually feel terrible and rude when someone random person, for example someone on a checkout that i don't know, have never met and probably never will meet again asks, since i deliberately ignore them. i become aware i'm a hypocrite since i personally don't like being ignored and feel like i've wasted my breath. Yet there i am deliberately ignoring someone else.

Am i the only one who finds it intrusive being asked such a personal question?

Why do random strangers feel the need to ask? It's rather selfish if it's only to pass their time. Are peoples thoughts, feelings, activities, experience, etc just a temporary form of entertainment for them? Why do people ask if they don't genuinely care?

What is the point? What does asking achieve? What if someone were to open up to them and tell them exactly how they truly are? Are they going to somehow make everything better? Are they actually willing to stay all day for someone to fully open up to them? Are they going to risk losing their job since they truly care and honestly want to know? How long will they keep other customers waiting because they're fully invested in you?

 

[doormat25]

I appreciate when people ask me how I am/feel etc.

 

[R_N]

It doesn't feel genuine in most cases so I get you. And even if it is others can't help you in meaningful way.

 

[DreamEnd]

i dont cringe, it makes me want to cry

 

[Scythe]

People just say it out of habit, and I always answer I'm doing well. As for why this is a thing, I don't know. If it's a close friend maybe I'll answer a little truthfully. But I've never answered "I think about death every hour of the day, I'm miserable, I'm suffering." Which would be the truth.

 

[kawaiiphantom]

It makes me smile and happy when someone asks but at the same time I almost never answer truthfully. I feel like a burden if I vent or say 100% honestly how I feel. Also something someone said to me made me not want to talk about how I feel at all anymore and just answer saying that I'm fine

 

[Rev346]

"I'm here" is my usual response. Isn't a. Ryan for help but gets people to move to a different subject.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I just give a little "haha hanging in there". Which is actually the truth.

 

[Argo]

Does anyone else cringe when asked if you're ok or asked how you are?

It really depends on our associations with this. It's really popular unfortunately on social media for people to sarcastically ask if "you're okay"? "You good bruh?" That sort of thing. What unkind strangers are doing is not actually showing you concern-- it's just a masked way of saying: "Something is wrong with you" or "Hehe-- just a reminder that you're unhappy, wink wink".

So... it's really all about reading between those lines. We can react instantly to the pattern we've experienced through life(and be paranoid, and confused, and miserable), or we can try to navigate reality clearly. What are this person's intentions? Are they being sarcastic? Are they being malicious? What if they're just in pain and want to chat with someone? What if they are truly concerned? It's often not clear so, we don't really have to form some judgement, we can try our best to be decent ourselves regardless.

In the worst case scenario of someone being truly malicious, the best thing you can do is recognize that person got that way by being hurt very deeply to the point that they cannot even recognize their own pain-- they just spread it helplessly. This is unfortunate, right? Focus on that, and that'll prevent you from being harmed as much(which would only make the tragedy extra tragic right?)

But in the best case scenario where someone is truly showing concern, you're free to also recognize the good in that. Even if it causes us discomfort, can't we can let go of that discomfort for a few seconds? Let's say you read: "Are you okay?" or "How are you today?" or "Feeling better?" And we think "Great, another reminder that things are bad", and this bothers us. We usually get so lost in that negative feeling, that we can't realize we're glad this person is showing concern. That's why it's really healthy to just gently give yourself a second to be sober. You can use this the other way too. What if someone's not showing concern and we want them to? Well that's okay too, some people struggle, or some people suffer a lot. No matter what the situation is, if you think about the other person, you'll usually suffer less(and so will they)

 

[Buildingsandcastles]

I always had issues with it but now I just have my standard partial truth go to's
Are you okay? -"I'm here haha" or "hanging in there"
How are you? -"same as usual" "I'm doing haha"
And then you just immediately ask them back the same question cheerily and they talk about themselves like they probably wanted to do from the start haha. Asking questions to avoid questions is my go to tactic for interacting with others if I can't be genuine with them (so like 99.9%of the time). So many people loveee talking about themselves anyways.

 

[UKscotty]

I got good at lying. One thing I realised a long time ago is people don't actually want to know, and the very last thing they want to hear is someone say no they are not OK.

I just say yeah I'm great, just busy with stuff.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I don't really have people asking me this so I don't know

 

[MiMif]

Yes I cringe so hard. It's probably mostly cause as a child I was told to keep it in and not express my emotions... when someone asks I know they don't want the actual answer and I legit just wipe my brain and smile and say I'm doing good and make a dumb joke.

After doing this I usually turn a bit bitter afterward if they try to conversate with me and get stuck in my thoughts talking half heartedly.

I want to sleep so bad

 

[Deleted member 65988]

It's probably one of most mundane things anyone could ask me, even so, why would I be compelled to tell you the truth and most of the time, people don't actually want to know most of the time. I could never answer truthfully.

 

[fafnir_lol]

I usually just reply with "fine", I think it's more of a courtesy thing that people ask and telling strangers especially how you really feel will lead to some uncomfortable and awkward moments. I don't think strangers are interested in other people's wellbeings especially in today's day and age.

 

[qu13t5l33p]

I don't like lying either, but do it out of safety. I missed a workout on Monday, saw my gym buddy today, and she asked me where I was and if I was ok. I had just relapsed self harming the same day I missed the gym because I was feeling so shitty, but still responded with a "Yeah I'm ok." If I had really told her how I felt and what I was doing then she'd understandably freak out, so it was safer to lie and experience that discomfort than it was to let her know how I was really feeling.

 

[Doemu]

It's just a protocol question, so I just give a protocol answer:

Fine.

It's isn't a real conversation, just don't try to really tell what you feel, cause they really are not interested.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel exactly like you do when it's a friend. If it's a stranger or loose aquaintance, I think it's just more of a throw away remark, so I tend to say something throw away back: 'I'm fine thanks, how are you?' That tends to be my standard response generally. We all pretty much know we're lying when we say that anyway! (Newsflash: 'Nobody's fine!')



But, I know what you mean. When it's a friend, it's more difficult because I don't want to lie to them. It's hard because you know they do kind of care but then, you'll be vaguely honest that things aren't great and they'll ask you the next day and it's like- the situation is the same so- I mean- I am too!

I did just come right out and say to one friend that I prefered to avoid 'How are you? How's it going? How's work?' questions. I was like- can we just assume it's bad for both of us till we say differently? But then- it's difficult really. How else do you start a conversation? I find myself doing it too- which seems hypocritical.

I don't think it's just because it makes you examine your life though. I find that people will try to start giving you advice if you tell them you're struggling. It comes from a caring place I'm sure but, it's more that, that tends to trigger me. Usually because it's unrealistic things they wouldn't and don't consider doing themselves. They'll tell you you can get any job while moaning like mad about their own job and refusing to look for something else. So for me- it's more that irritation that people will dole out advice without following it themselves.

It's also pretty hit and miss when you tell people you are struggling. Personally, I find sympathy helps me, so it's supportive when you get it. Some people are in more of a positive, fix it kind of mood though. They may not intend to but I find them offering up ridiculous solutions or telling me things actually aren't that bad or, will get better (magically presumably) just ends up making me feel worse. So now, it just seems safer not to tell people. Just go with: 'I'm fine thanks.'

 

[Ashe]

a little bit considering I would never be able to really tell people how I felt or else I'd be shoved into a mental asylum being force fed medications that turn me into a vegetable.

 

[4am]

yeah honestly its more annoying than anything cuz it's a question that ppl only ever ask right before they are about to ask you to do smth for them, i try to ignore it unless they give me no choice

 

[sleepingintherain]

Does anyone else cringe when asked if you're ok or asked how you are?

i often don't even know how to respond. i often attempt to avoid thinking about my own thoughts and feelings since the more i'm aware of my reality, the worse i feel and despise my existence.

When asked i usually automatically think for a moment and get hit with the reality i spend most my existence attempting to avoid.

The questions actually trigger emotional pain.

Since i dislike lying too, it makes the questions further more uncomfortable. When i answer completely honestly when it seems like someone has asked since they genuinely care enough to want to know the answer, it doesn't make reality any better whatsoever. No matter how much i may even like the person asking they don't have the power to make me feel better.

Has anyone found a way to politely avoid answering when asked?

i don't like to upset people, make people uncomfortable or make them feel anything negative. i hate it when people i know don't care ask for the sake of it. It feels rather intrusive.

i usually feel terrible and rude when someone random person, for example someone on a checkout that i don't know, have never met and probably never will meet again asks, since i deliberately ignore them. i become aware i'm a hypocrite since i personally don't like being ignored and feel like i've wasted my breath. Yet there i am deliberately ignoring someone else.

Am i the only one who finds it intrusive being asked such a personal question?

Why do random strangers feel the need to ask? It's rather selfish if it's only to pass their time. Are peoples thoughts, feelings, activities, experience, etc just a temporary form of entertainment for them? Why do people ask if they don't genuinely care?

What is the point? What does asking achieve? What if someone were to open up to them and tell them exactly how they truly are? Are they going to somehow make everything better? Are they actually willing to stay all day for someone to fully open up to them? Are they going to risk losing their job since they truly care and honestly want to know? How long will they keep other customers waiting because they're fully invested in you?

i usually just say im doing well and ask how they're doing. i try to act cheerful so that ppl will like me more, and also being around ppl who seem happy makes them happy too. i think everyone deserves happiness so i don't want to make other people feel bad

 

[InAgony]

I find it a bit painful because I have to lie, rather than say how I really feel. It just makes you have to bottle it all up even more and they're happy that you're 'okay'. I try to just say 'I'm okay, thanks' or 'Not bad, thanks' rather than something ultra positive.

 

[VoidedExistence]

i guess it has just become a formality. i dont really care much, i lie and leave it that. i am almost always super depressed; doesnt affect me much when people ask me how i am which reminds me of my shit life because i am aware of it almost all the time

 

[Raven2]

Depends on whose asking the question, if it's my friend I will say if I'm having a tough time. If its family i usually say I'm fine no point them needlessly worrying about me I want to keep them off my back as they know I have suicidal tendencies. with acquaintances i resort to 'yeah im good how are you'

 

[4everHeartBroken]

Does anyone else cringe when asked if you're ok or asked how you are?

i often don't even know how to respond. i often attempt to avoid thinking about my own thoughts and feelings since the more i'm aware of my reality, the worse i feel and despise my existence.

When asked i usually automatically think for a moment and get hit with the reality i spend most my existence attempting to avoid.

The questions actually trigger emotional pain.

Since i dislike lying too, it makes the questions further more uncomfortable. When i answer completely honestly when it seems like someone has asked since they genuinely care enough to want to know the answer, it doesn't make reality any better whatsoever. No matter how much i may even like the person asking they don't have the power to make me feel better.

Has anyone found a way to politely avoid answering when asked?

i don't like to upset people, make people uncomfortable or make them feel anything negative. i hate it when people i know don't care ask for the sake of it. It feels rather intrusive.

i usually feel terrible and rude when someone random person, for example someone on a checkout that i don't know, have never met and probably never will meet again asks, since i deliberately ignore them. i become aware i'm a hypocrite since i personally don't like being ignored and feel like i've wasted my breath. Yet there i am deliberately ignoring someone else.

Am i the only one who finds it intrusive being asked such a personal question?

Why do random strangers feel the need to ask? It's rather selfish if it's only to pass their time. Are peoples thoughts, feelings, activities, experience, etc just a temporary form of entertainment for them? Why do people ask if they don't genuinely care?

What is the point? What does asking achieve? What if someone were to open up to them and tell them exactly how they truly are? Are they going to somehow make everything better? Are they actually willing to stay all day for someone to fully open up to them? Are they going to risk losing their job since they truly care and honestly want to know? How long will they keep other customers waiting because they're fully invested in you

Does anyone else cringe when asked if you're ok or asked how you are?

i often don't even know how to respond. i often attempt to avoid thinking about my own thoughts and feelings since the more i'm aware of my reality, the worse i feel and despise my existence.

When asked i usually automatically think for a moment and get hit with the reality i spend most my existence attempting to avoid.

The questions actually trigger emotional pain.

Since i dislike lying too, it makes the questions further more uncomfortable. When i answer completely honestly when it seems like someone has asked since they genuinely care enough to want to know the answer, it doesn't make reality any better whatsoever. No matter how much i may even like the person asking they don't have the power to make me feel better.

Has anyone found a way to politely avoid answering when asked?

i don't like to upset people, make people uncomfortable or make them feel anything negative. i hate it when people i know don't care ask for the sake of it. It feels rather intrusive.

i usually feel terrible and rude when someone random person, for example someone on a checkout that i don't know, have never met and probably never will meet again asks, since i deliberately ignore them. i become aware i'm a hypocrite since i personally don't like being ignored and feel like i've wasted my breath. Yet there i am deliberately ignoring someone else.

Am i the only one who finds it intrusive being asked such a personal question?

Why do random strangers feel the need to ask? It's rather selfish if it's only to pass their time. Are peoples thoughts, feelings, activities, experience, etc just a temporary form of entertainment for them? Why do people ask if they don't genuinely care?

What is the point? What does asking achieve? What if someone were to open up to them and tell them exactly how they truly are? Are they going to somehow make everything better? Are they actually willing to stay all day for someone to fully open up to them? Are they going to risk losing their job since they truly care and honestly want to know? How long will they keep other customers waiting because they're fully invested in you?

You sound like a truly honest human being who is authentic and REAL. I'm so glad you asked this because for YEARS I've always thought the same! Why would a stranger truly care to know how I'm doing?! I believe society teaches us how to be polite to others from a very young age so it's engrained in us to say, "I'm good, How are you?" in such a quick response, BUT… there are enough people (obviously) who understand how society can be fake with superficial charm. Why can't we all just be REAL with each other OR truly love each other? Great question that deserves a good response.

 

[lachrymost]

It's a perfunctory social tic when strangers ask each other how they are. I remember watching a video once about the alleged science behind why people do it, but I'm not going to refresh my memory. Something about how the willingness to perform small talk signals that you're a "safe, normal" person to interact with. Idk. But you're not allowed to say anything more grim than "hanging in there". People think that by the very fact that you're willing to break the social code, it must be a cry for help instead of just an honest answer.

 

[sserafim]

I think that being asked how you're feeling is just meaningless small talk. They don't actually care about how you're feeling, it's just a social nicety. I think that the default/socially acceptable answer is "I'm good", you have to say that you're "good" or "okay" even if you're not.

 

[thetruetato]

Does anyone else cringe when asked if you're ok or asked how you are?

i often don't even know how to respond. i often attempt to avoid thinking about my own thoughts and feelings since the more i'm aware of my reality, the worse i feel and despise my existence.

When asked i usually automatically think for a moment and get hit with the reality i spend most my existence attempting to avoid.

The questions actually trigger emotional pain.

Since i dislike lying too, it makes the questions further more uncomfortable. When i answer completely honestly when it seems like someone has asked since they genuinely care enough to want to know the answer, it doesn't make reality any better whatsoever. No matter how much i may even like the person asking they don't have the power to make me feel better.

Has anyone found a way to politely avoid answering when asked?

i don't like to upset people, make people uncomfortable or make them feel anything negative. i hate it when people i know don't care ask for the sake of it. It feels rather intrusive.

i usually feel terrible and rude when someone random person, for example someone on a checkout that i don't know, have never met and probably never will meet again asks, since i deliberately ignore them. i become aware i'm a hypocrite since i personally don't like being ignored and feel like i've wasted my breath. Yet there i am deliberately ignoring someone else.

Am i the only one who finds it intrusive being asked such a personal question?

Why do random strangers feel the need to ask? It's rather selfish if it's only to pass their time. Are peoples thoughts, feelings, activities, experience, etc just a temporary form of entertainment for them? Why do people ask if they don't genuinely care?

What is the point? What does asking achieve? What if someone were to open up to them and tell them exactly how they truly are? Are they going to somehow make everything better? Are they actually willing to stay all day for someone to fully open up to them? Are they going to risk losing their job since they truly care and honestly want to know? How long will they keep other customers waiting because they're fully invested in you?

I usually just automatically say that I'm fine without thinking and then I get reminded how not okay I am afterwards

 

[ResilientAF]

Social pleasantries or whatever you want to call it. When people ask, they don't want to know, it's just to come across as a nice person. Just to pass the time of day, fill air space. People don't care, people are selfish. It's bollocks. Missed an appointment the other day, and the woman got all pissy with me, her tone, attitude etc. I'm like, get over yourself FFS. She didn't ask why I'd missed the appointment but I'm sure if I said to her, sorry not sorry I missed the appointment to be fitted for a fucking bra as I'm so fucking depressed and lost so much weight my boobs are now like marbles in a nose bag and today I was feeling highly suicidal so was ordered to see my CPN and I just forgot. So don't come at me with your dirty looks and shitty fucking tone you absolute fucking cunt. Tempted to make a complaint to the store. People don't fucking care. Push back and give them back exactly what they give you. You have to put yourself first, you try not to drop your standards but people nowadays are so fucking entitled, selfish, greedy. It's me, me, me. Eye on the doughnut, not the hole in the middle. You get fakeness everywhere, very rare that you get someone who is truly authentic. If you do, keep them close. It's rare. Good luck!

 

[pepe_felipe]

genuinely i absolutely hate when people feel the need to tell me that I "look like shit", as if I don't already know how fucked up i look. I'm the one who has to go through day-to-day in this state, so what is the point of being reminded of how depressed and horrible I look. "You'd look more approachable if you smile" and shit along those lines really bursts my bubble whenever I'm told without ever reaching out for this advice. I apologize for being so pessimistic, I just don't understand how a person can put themselves in my business and leave me to sit in the backhanded observation for the rest of the day. Maybe I should go back to being a people pleasing yes-man, I rarely received any attention when i lived as such.