Discussion Do you want to get better?

[NeedAnEscape]

For the first time in my life, I do actually want to get better.
It took me a long ass time to get to that point.
And no, I'm not giving up cutting either- it is part of how I have survived, how I have kept myself alive- it is a coping mechanism that I needed and still need, if I have any chance of getting better.

I relate to your feelings. Cutting is something that I should be be 'giving up,' but I don't feel ready to let go of it. Some of my loved ones have found out about it, which only makes things more complicated.

 

[mehdone]

I relate to your feelings. Cutting is something that I should be be 'giving up,' but I don't feel ready to let go of it. Some of my loved ones have found out about it, which only makes things more complicated.

I've been cutting for over two and a half decades. When my mother first found out, it resulted in my second stay in a psych ward.
It took a long time for my loved ones to understand that I hurt myself to keep myself *alive*.

 

[SoFewMethods]

Absolutely not. Death is the only thing that brings me comfort. If I can't CTB, then I'll quickly lose hope in life.

 

[TapeMachine]

For the past 20ish years, I have been working diligently on myself, examining my deepest depths, learning about this and that, endeavoring to better understand the root causes of my lineup of maladies- all with the hope of attaining some sort of improvement or answer or something, anything...?

At this point, I feel like enough is enough. I will never be fit to exist (much less thrive) in society. This isn't just some pity party. I have genuinely given it my all. I have not come to my decision to end my life lightly.

For now, I just bide my time for the sake of my frail, ill-fated parents. My sympathy for them presently overrides my desire to die. But the day will come that my coping mechanisms wear thin again; and when that happens, my desire to die will exceed all other feelings.

The difference between my past attempts and my upcoming attempt is that I now have a better grasp on how to carry out an effective/complete suicide. I hope.

 

[LunarLight]

Of course I do. If I only could...

 

[PINKIESISU]

If I'm honest I do not want to get better. I'm in a time of my life where currently I am Partially hospitalised so there is A LOT of pressure on me to get better. I simply do not wanna get better I don't know why I don't. I guess maybe because I've found so much comfort to being how I am. I have hurt myself last Thursday night and I had to get stitches. My Mom came to the hospital and took my phone away since she is convinced its the issue with me. I told her I won't get better and I have no desire to ever let go of cutting. I mean hey I've been cutting since I was a kid I cant stop at this point in life. Or so I don't want to stop.
Its crazy how since I was a kid I always wanted to get older just so I'd be able to cut myself all I wanted and my mom wouldn't say shit of it because I'd be moved away. Clearly that plan is still in my mind but I'm not sure if I'll be able to even move away. Times going by so fucking fast and Im terrified really. I dont understand why theres so much pressure for me to get better Its really annoying. I just do not want to I don't know what else to say. I guess its selfish of me

No I want to leave this wretched experience and body that I hate screw getting better