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why am i alive?

why am i alive?

Look where i ended
Oct 18, 2023
84
I guess this is kinda confusing. I don't want to die. I just want to be dead. I don't want to go threw the whole Prozess of dying. I fear the Prozess of dying because it is never safe to say it won't hurt. I just want to be dead.
 
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Darkover

Darkover

Illuminated
Jul 29, 2021
3,862
wish i had never been born
 
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R

rozeske

Maybe I am the problem
Dec 2, 2023
2,835
Am also not looking forward to the prozess. Wish I could find the skip button and move on to the next part.
 
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Namarupa

Namarupa

Student
Jan 24, 2024
112
Nothing about death itself scares me at this point. What frightens me is the possibility of an afterlife/metempsychosis.
 
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Otaku

Otaku

Experienced
Mar 2, 2024
230
Same as you. I just want to be dead.
 
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melancholia_melodia

melancholia_melodia

Member
Nov 29, 2023
56
Sometimes I feel like dying, sometimes I just wish I disappear or never exist ever
 
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arnxxx

arnxxx

Experienced
Mar 8, 2024
224
Nobody is looking foward to the process of dying. Most or all methods are very painful. If there was a delete/skip button I believe way more people would ctb
 
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sserafim

sserafim

they say it’s darkest of all before the dawn
Sep 13, 2023
8,115
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

She wished that she never existed...
Sep 24, 2020
34,859
I just want to not exist as well, I don't want to suffer through any dying process, I simply wish to be eternally unaware, if it's up to me I'd choose to erase my existence so it's like I never existed at all, more than anything I wish I never existed, only never existing is perfection to me.
 
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tronix

tronix

Member
Mar 23, 2024
79
I used to say I want to disappear. Not to die, not to kill myself or commit suicide.
I don't want to die, I don't want to live. This is messed up.
 
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ijustwishtodie

ijustwishtodie

death will be my ultimate bliss
Oct 29, 2023
3,112
Being dead
 
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BlendedHeart

BlendedHeart

It is what it is
Mar 9, 2024
164
I do not romanticize the act of death, or dying, at all. I think it's horrible. Every method I've read about in here always comes with a caveat. Too many complications, risks of failure, pain, etc.

If I could blink and then stop existing, that would be ideal.
 
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Chronosphere

Chronosphere

Student
Jan 17, 2024
141
I sometimes do want to die. To feel the process of fading away. But most of the time I just wish I never existed.
 
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H

hopeless08

Arcanist
Dec 8, 2023
482
I guess this is kinda confusing. I don't want to die. I just want to be dead. I don't want to go threw the whole Prozess of dying. I fear the Prozess of dying because it is never safe to say it won't hurt. I just want to be dead.
I just wish I could sleep forever not ever having to wake up, without having to go through the process of the fear, preparation and emotions that come with ctbing.
 
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xmissellax

xmissellax

Need My Peace
Feb 25, 2024
113
Yeah I'm scared of the process of dying too. If I just had a "die" button 100% that. Just be dead. In fact in an ironic way, fear of dying (how humans usually die in this day and age) is one of my main reasons to CTB. I'm terrified of getting old and degenerating and losing autonomy and dying slowly and agonisingly in a hospital bed.

SN also has an element of suffering to it and sometimes pain, albiet nothing excruciating unless I'm a rare outlier or something. The difference is it will only be for 15 minutes, not years of deterioration and old age pain, months of suffering, and days of agony. And it will be under my control.

But since prolonged suffering is one of my biggest fears, I'm still quite scared of those 15 minutes for SN as it is essentially still suffering, just the kinder and quicker of the two choices.

Feels like life has to get bad enough again for me to properly go through it without too much SI.
 
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pthnrdnojvsc

pthnrdnojvsc

Extreme Pain is much worse than people know
Aug 12, 2019
1,918
While "dying" you are still alive so that is usually painful unless you have nembutal or assisted suicide..natural dying as In cancer , starvation etc is usually very painful

Death = dead is the total lack of pain suffering and problems. That's a state that I devoutly wish for and I don't see
how could anyone not want a state where you have zero suffering, zero pain , zero problems forever because Death is that Death is non-existence forever.
 
Last edited:
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INTJme

INTJme

Epeolatrist
Mar 22, 2024
336
I wish to die and stay dead. Hope that's an option.
 
M

Moonomyth

Student
Feb 6, 2020
196
I guess this is kinda confusing. I don't want to die. I just want to be dead. I don't want to go threw the whole Prozess of dying. I fear the Prozess of dying because it is never safe to say it won't hurt. I just want to be dead.
It's a real hassle that we have to actually initiate the dying process ourselves. If I could flip a switch and cease to be, or those old "Like this post to instantly die" memes worked as advertised, that would be a significant improvement.

Even for the people that are fine with doing it themselves, look at how much of a hassle it is to do as evidence by all the threads on the subject. It's very inconvenient when one wants to reach a state of nonexistence quickly.
 
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bunny_brownie9

bunny_brownie9

so terribly lost
Jan 1, 2024
145
dead. The actual process of physically dying scares me but once it's done, I'll never know it happened.
 
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clown_17

clown_17

Almost gone, it almost worked
Oct 24, 2020
283
I wish I could just press a button and immediately CTB, or for someone to shoot me in the back of the head without me realizing so it could be over before I can even comprehend it.
 
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Groot

Groot

16 lines to make me feel fine
Mar 27, 2024
56
I just wish I could sleep forever not ever having to wake up, without having to go through the process of the fear, preparation and emotions that come with ctbing.
This is exactly how I feel
I wish I could just press a button and immediately CTB, or for someone to shoot me in the back of the head without me realizing so it could be over before I can even comprehend it.
me too, or for someone to inject me with heroin/morphine
 
F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
7,837
Same. Neither a slow dying process or suicide appeal. I wish we could just wish it and be free.
 
kilowatt

kilowatt

A gun is the greatest negociator
Sep 9, 2023
322
Anything as long as it's a guarantee way out. By this means I think directly ''being dead'' without the dying process would be much easier.
 
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Ociv

Ociv

Don't fear what's in your head
Mar 29, 2024
85
The way I see it, living is just a cycle of suffering so that you can afford to continue to suffer longer. The carrot is not worth the stick. Its a racket and I want no part of it. Death is the only way out of the circle, and if there were a way to get there without crossing the line called "dying", I would take that path for sure.
 
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H

Hotsackage

Elementalist
Mar 11, 2019
805
I do relatively enjoy life, but I don't see a future for our species with this religious and political structure.
 
Kurai

Kurai

Suffering
Jul 23, 2023
135
I just want to be dead, the process of dying scares me >.<
 
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