Discussion Do you think it's a good idea to unburden your woes in front of your friends ? #40

[MeltingBrain]

Unburdening in front of a friend/s can be a big relief psychologically . You can stop pretending everything is OK and you may get emotional and/or monetary support . On the flip side , friends may also abandon you like a sick foal is abandoned by it's peers in the wild . Even if they don't abandon , it may change your dynamic with them as you may not be seen as an equal going forward. You also may be the talk of the town if you tell a lot of friends .
Personally, I am caught in 2 minds , both sound appealing but I would rather err on the side of caution and not tell. What about you and why did you make the choice you did ?
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DailyPoll
#40
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[winamp]

no/unsure because based on my experiences and things I've observed people will pity you and assume you are seeking attention or sympathy and will also probably view you as a basket case

also no/unsure because depending on how frequent that happens the person on the receiving end will also probably will feel more like a therapist than a friend or they drift away because they may think or notice that you are only keeping them around to have someone to vent to or a therapist

I have been on the receiving end of that before because I didn't want to be seen as a bad acquaintance
but it didn't end well and I learned that in those situations depending on who you are conversing with and the severity of their mental illness or circumstances
being aware of/noticing/keeping note of patterns and boundaries are very important and listening very carefully

 

[AgainChrisis]

If you do, you won't have any friends left.

 

[MeltingBrain]

no/unsure because based on my experiences and things I've observed people will pity you and assume you are seeking attention or sympathy and will also probably view you as a basket case

also no/unsure because depending on how frequent that happens the person on the receiving end will also probably will feel more like a therapist than a friend or they drift away because they may think or notice that you are only keeping them around to have someone to vent to or a therapist

I have been on the receiving end of that before because I didn't want to be seen as a bad acquaintance
but it didn't end well and I learned that in those situations depending on who you are conversing with and the severity of their mental illness or circumstances
being aware of/noticing/keeping note of patterns and boundaries are very important and listening very carefully

I have good company as such. Nobody will view me as a basket case but the pity thing could be right . I am sorry , you were in the recieving end of what ?

If you do, you won't have any friends left.

Yeah that's the fear

 

[winamp]

I am sorry , you were in the recieving end of what ?

the "therapist friend"

I was around 16 or 17 at the time and didn't know any better or notice I was being turned into that

until I noticed the pattern of the person threatening to hurt themselves when the friend group was conversing or doing an activity that wasn't focused on them and then excusing very out of line behaviors because of their mental illness which led to many hours of sleep deprivation (more threats to harm themselves if no one would stay awake with them all night) and negative consequences in my personal life/life outside of friendship

but I am glad that I learned that boundaries are important from experiencing such a bad series of events

 

[actualfemcel]

No because they'll just pity you and make fun of you behind your back. It is better to suffer in silence.

 

[Helvete]

Yes! very few "friends" will be able to really help and relate though, and you will find out very quickly who your real friends are when you try.

 

[LevUwU]

My friends have been my rock for as long as I have known, however, knowing that what I am doing in the end is emotional manipulation and abuse makes it hard for me to keep doing so knowing that I am the cause of more pain they do not need. Overall, no, it's not a good idea for their sake, yet, I do it anyways like the monster I am.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've had both experiences. Sometimes, friends and family have been of huge comfort and support. The whole- 'A problem shared is a problem halved.' Other times, their responses have made me feel so much worse. I guess it depends on the person. Can we predict how they will respond? Most of the time now though, I err on the side of caution now and, don't tell them. Because- however helpful or kind they might be, ultimately I'm still on my own dealing with whatever it is. What can they actually do at the end of the day? Doesn't seem worth risking a response that makes me feel pathetic or attention seeking or a burden.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

What friends?? You're telling me those are real?

But on a serious note, sometimes it can provide a huge sense of comfort and support to know those present in your life understand you and care enough about your personal struggles but they may use to this to magnify your weaknesses and may use this to harm you later on, eventually replacing you with someone else once you're no longer convenient to keep around. If your honest, it may be reciprocated but sometimes, it's best not to when they'll most likely talk about you behind your back to someone else.

 

[tbroken]

What friends?? You're telling me those are real?

But on a serious note, sometimes it can provide a huge sense of comfort and support to know those present in your life understand you and care enough about your personal struggles but they may use to this to magnify your weaknesses and may use this to harm you later on, eventually replacing you with someone else once you're no longer convenient to keep around. If your honest, it may be reciprocated but sometimes, it's best not to when they'll most likely talk about you behind your back to someone else.

Totally agree.
Especially if you're young, just complete school, fake strength, do sports or hobbies and do not show weakness. They will use it against you, every time they can.

 

[Chronosphere]

When I was a kid I talked about suicide with some of my internet friends and eventually we stopped communicating.
Can't blame them though, I wouldn't know how to react either honestly.

 

[sserafim]

No. It would probably distance you from them since most people like happy people. People don't want to hear about your problems

they may use to this to magnify your weaknesses and may use this to harm you later on, eventually replacing you with someone else once you're no longer convenient to keep around. If your honest, it may be reciprocated but sometimes, it's best not to when they'll most likely talk about you behind your back to someone else.

Why do people harm on others? Why do they talk about others behind their back? I hate that so much. That's literally two-faced

fake strength and do not show weakness. They will use it against you, every time they can.

Why?

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Why do people harm on others? Why do they talk about others behind their back? I hate that so much. That's literally two-faced

Been asking myself that for quite some time, is it maybe that it fulfills something within themselves to see people hurt or is it to feel superior to make the weaknesses of others known to the world so they can be ridiculed and mocked, I don't know.

 

[Endisclose]

No. They'll just cut you out eventually if you keep doing it. Nobody likes a moaner. The only person possibly capable of listening is your mother if she doesn't have issues herself. Unfortunately I've found out the truth about this the hard way.

The world is a terribly hypocritical place. Everything that's said generally in public about mental health with people looking and nodding with each other in agreement is basically bullshit. Affirming what should be ideal and agreeing on it as a normative prescription makes them feel good about themselves as long as they are called upon to actually practice it when everybody begins to think it as a pain in the neck and look for excuses to run away.

I'd say it's best to be your own best friend. Improve your critical thinking skills and figure your own way out. Find a special someone with whom you can share your life. That person is probably the only one who'd be willing to listen..

 

[uniqueusername18]

From my experience at least, I've found if you share your vulnerabilities with the people that are meant to love you, you become a target.

I'm lucky my family (parents) aren't like that, but my partners and friends? Just no, they will go for you.

 

[IonicLemon69]

Definitely depends on what kind of friend they are I guess. Though I feel majority of the time it just makes the relationship distant & uncomfortable depending on how much you divulge..