Do you really wanna die or do you just want the suffering to end?

[venin]

Which one of the two is it?

For me it's the second one.

Although given the fact that life has been so cruel to me, sometimes I view death as a middle finger to everything. In that way, I wanna die.

 

[EndJstifiesTheMeans]

I can't live without her, so i don't see how my suffering can end..

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I would prefer to live if I found a way out of the hole I'm trapped in. Though CTB will always be an option for me in the future then.

 

[Stuckinpast28]

Pretty sure everyone wants to live, it's just that life fucking sucks and we are most likely tired of being kicked down to the curb. At least that's how I feel about it.

 

[venin]

I can't live without her, so i don't see how my suffering can end..

That's everybody's problem, I think. But if you could. Would you still wanna die?

I would prefer to live if I found a way out of the hole I'm trapped in. Though CTB will always be an option for me in the future then.

That's where I stand. It's just that if the suffering ended and I managed to live the way I want, I def wouldn't think about CTB anymore.

 

[donxtwait]

i really want to die. in this life i know i could never be happy. but i know living just isn't for me or my soul because even if i could be reincarnated into another life that could be so much happier than this one, i wouldn't want it. i wouldn't choose it. if i got the choice, i'd just choose death.

 

[venin]

Pretty sure everyone wants to live, it's just that life fucking sucks and we are most likely tired of being kicked down to the curb. At least that's how I feel about it.

That's exactly how I feel too

 

[Holu]

Tbh both. I would rather have nothingness over happiness.

 

[venin]

i really want to die. in this life i know i could never be happy. but i know living just isn't for me or my soul because even if i could be reincarnated into another life that could be so much happier than this one, i wouldn't want it. i wouldn't choose it. if i got the choice, i'd just choose death.

I know what you mean. I despise it that much too…

 

[wristcutangel]

wanting my suffering to end is the same as wanting my life to end in my case.

 

[venin]

Tbh both. I would rather have nothingness over happiness.

Why?

 

[EndJstifiesTheMeans]

That's everybody's problem, I think. But if you could. Would you still wanna die?

That's where I stand. It's just that if the suffering ended and I managed to live the way I want, I def wouldn't think about CTB anymore.

No but i have to be feel loved by her.. not only just stay with her, if she disrespect me or cheat i would do it anyway

 

[venin]

wanting my suffering to end is the same as wanting my life to end in my case.

That's what we all think, and maybe it's true. But if suffering could end, without ending your life, would you still wanna CTB?

 

[Holu]

Why?

Bipolar :P. My mood changes even if it's the pussy second variant of BiPD. I could care less for either emotion I just want peace.

 

[venin]

No but i have to be feel loved by her.. not only just stay with her, if she disrespect me or cheat i would do it anyway

You mean by life?

Bipolar :P. My mood changes even if it's the pussy second variant of BiPD. I could care less for either emotion I just want peace.

Got it. Yeah. Well stated.

 

[wristcutangel]

That's what we all think, and maybe it's true. But if suffering could end, without ending your life, would you still wanna CTB?

probably not, i'd probably need my memories wiped too though and at that point i'd consider myself an entirely different person.

 

[venin]

probably not, i'd probably need my memories wiped too though and at that point i'd consider myself an entirely different person.

Not necessarily erased, just no longer everpresent in your day to day life. Like in a "water under the bridge", my life's fine enough for them to not rule my present anymore.

 

[EndJstifiesTheMeans]

But yeah nothingess its better, problem is im already alive and i want her to understand me, life is so stressful.. i would do maybe some small error and ruin everything i can't handle all this stress, also there is not a single couple nowdays that love each other forever, know that at some point she will not love me anymore will destroy my mood, and maybe because of that she will leave my faster because i will be silent and depressed

You mean by life?

By the girl i love

 

[Holu]

But yeah nothingess its better, problem is im already alive and i want her to understand me, life is so stressful.. i would do maybe some small error and ruin everything i can't handle all this stress, also there is not a single couple nowdays that love each other forever, know that at some point she will not love me anymore will destroy my mood, and maybe because of that she will leave my faster because i will be silent and depressed

By the girl i love

U borderline or just got severe attachment issues

 

[EndJstifiesTheMeans]

U borderline or just got severe attachment issues

Yes i never got a diagnosise, but definitely i have some problem.. because i see other people really dont care, even someone cheat on her i can't immagine how that will be possible

I think abusive parents, no school or friends, and living as hikikomori almost all my life, make me really dependent by her

 

[Holu]

Not necessarily erased, just no longer everpresent in your day to day life. Like in a "water under the bridge", my life's fine enough for them to not rule my present anymore.

Ultimately, some people will reach this point. I think it comes down to if you actually want help or not. Some are just so forlorn that they have no faith in recovery entirely. That's not to say that mindset won't change later on, but I usually don't like to think of a moment where I'm like, "yes I'm good now"

Maybe I'm just twisted, hurt, or bitter but honestly I would rather ctb at a high point rather than a low point in my life just out of spite for the mentality that it gets better.

Yes i never got a diagnosise, but definitely i have some problem.. because i see other people really dont care, even someone cheat on her i can't immagine how that will be possible

I think abusive parents, no school or friends, and living as hikikomori almost all my life, make me really dependent by her

Diagnosis not really needed atm, since regardless u have pretty bad attachment issues. Might help if you want meds to numb or distract ur brain but that's about it.

And ya, being largely isolated can def make the few relationships u have feel exaggerated in importance. It is what it is, and I'm sorry for your suffering. Relationships really are already emotionally distressing even for those who aren't overly attached.

 

[𖣂𖣂𖣂.]

Which one of the two is it?

For me it's the second one.

Although given the fact that life has been so cruel to me, sometimes I view death as a middle finger to everything. In that way, I wanna die.

Second one I don't love myself at all.

 

[Death is my goal]

the former

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think to answer this- you have to REALISTICALLY think about what it is that is causing you suffering and whether you can REALISTICALLY change it. In my experience- it takes massive amounts of effort to change life for the better. And- even when you've given your all, life can still smack you in the face. So- for me- it's the need to put in so much effort with very little reward that causes suffering. And- that's life basically. So- unless we start disappearing into fantasy land- where a gennie appears to start granting wishes- I've had enough of this life- I would prefer to opt for death.

 

[Unattainable666]

My reality is that my suffering will never end. I want to ctb as soon as possible.

 

[venin]

But yeah nothingess its better, problem is im already alive and i want her to understand me, life is so stressful.. i would do maybe some small error and ruin everything i can't handle all this stress, also there is not a single couple nowdays that love each other forever, know that at some point she will not love me anymore will destroy my mood, and maybe because of that she will leave my faster because i will be silent and depressed

By the girl i love

If she really loves you, she will stay. That's my opinion

U borderline or just got severe attachment issues

Dude…

Yes i never got a diagnosise, but definitely i have some problem.. because i see other people really dont care, even someone cheat on her i can't immagine how that will be possible

I think abusive parents, no school or friends, and living as hikikomori almost all my life, make me really dependent by her

I don't think you should blame yourself though these things probably originate in some wounds

Ultimately, some people will reach this point. I think it comes down to if you actually want help or not. Some are just so forlorn that they have no faith in recovery entirely. That's not to say that mindset won't change later on, but I usually don't like to think of a moment where I'm like, "yes I'm good now"

Maybe I'm just twisted, hurt, or bitter but honestly I would rather ctb at a high point rather than a low point in my life just out of spite for the mentality that it gets better.

Diagnosis not really needed atm, since regardless u have pretty bad attachment issues. Might help if you want meds to numb or distract ur brain but that's about it.

And ya, being largely isolated can def make the few relationships u have feel exaggerated in importance. It is what it is, and I'm sorry for your suffering. Relationships really are already emotionally distressing even for those who aren't overly attached.

I agree regarding the ctb at a high point rather than later at a lower or lowest point.

There was a saying that goes: "I'd rather die standing than live on my knees.".

Second one I don't love myself at all.

I kinda don't either, but I can see my potential.
Even though I feel like the worst human alive, deep inside.

It's fkt up

I think to answer this- you have to REALISTICALLY think about what it is that is causing you suffering and whether you can REALISTICALLY change it. In my experience- it takes massive amounts of effort to change life for the better. And- even when you've given your all, life can still smack you in the face. So- for me- it's the need to put in so much effort with very little reward that causes suffering. And- that's life basically. So- unless we start disappearing into fantasy land- where a gennie appears to start granting wishes- I've had enough of this life- I would prefer to opt for death.

Very well pointed out. It's been the same for me. But I think I'll still try once more.

Although I don't know if I have the power to do that again the 74838584th time

 

[ShadowDancer]

Yes i never got a diagnosise, but definitely i have some problem.. because i see other people really dont care, even someone cheat on her i can't immagine how that will be possible

I think abusive parents, no school or friends, and living as hikikomori almost all my life, make me really dependent by her

I am Bpd I made this same mistake my entire life took me 4 years to get rid of Bpd. There are billions of other girls outside no different than the one you lost remember that. You can live without her you can't live with tinnitus which is what I have go out travel to another country find a new girl and enjoy life..
I want tinnitus to go away then I'll live..

 

[venin]

My reality is that my suffering will never end. I want to ctb as soon as possible.

Understandable

 

[jemetire]

End suffering for sureee I can't take it anymore

 

[venin]

End suffering for sureee I can't take it anymore

I'm also really close