do you *want* to die?

[dump224477]

**i don't mean this in the weird, invalidating "don't kill yourself!!! you don't want to die, you just want to stop feeling sad!!!" way that other people present it in.
please read the rest of this

i know this question might sound stupid, but i wanted to see if anyone else felt the way that i do. also, it's a weird thing to talk about anywhere else.

i've stated it a million times, but i genuinely don't want to die. all of my previous attempts and plans to ctb were never about me wanting to die—it's about me needing to die. there's just no way for me to be happy in this life. i want to live a long life that's full of love and happiness, and i wouldn't even be on this site if i believed that was possible. that's one of the reasons why ctb has been a difficult thing for me to do. i don't want to die, i need to. i can't be miserable for the rest of my life, but there's nothing but misery in my future, so i need to die. i'll probably want to die someday, i dunno.

i've heard a lot of people say that they don't want to live. regardless of their pain and struggles, they don't want to be alive because they simply have no interest in living. that's understable, i'm not dismissing anyone who feels this way. you shouldn't have to live if you don't want to, even if your life is great in general.

so, yeah, i'm just wondering which side everyone falls on, if any.

(of course, you're valid no matter what you want. whether you've been through some terrible shit and still want to live, you've had a happy life without troubles but still want to die, etc... it's all valid.)

u said it perfectly

 

[eatantz]

I want to die right now and often but most of the time I feel like I need to. I have no choice in the end, living is getting impossible

 

[ADBoy777]

I genuinely want to die tho

My life is at a good point all in all.
Just got a new good paying job have a loving family friends and love

but I find this life meaningless like a big simulation that never ends it's a nightmare for me and I really don't want to carry on

 

[badK9wolf]

if i could fix my finances and find a fulfilling career i would still want to be here. i just don't know if that's even possible at this point.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Not at the moment. I have been suicidal since 13. What comforts me is it's always am option in case things go drastically wrong such as homelessness or severe illness. I'm more tired of life at the moment than actively wanting to die.

This is how I feel. Not actively planning my death, but taking solace in knowing if things go horrible wrong, that's an option for me.

 

[agony1996]

**i don't mean this in the weird, invalidating "don't kill yourself!!! you don't want to die, you just want to stop feeling sad!!!" way that other people present it in.
please read the rest of this

i know this question might sound stupid, but i wanted to see if anyone else felt the way that i do. also, it's a weird thing to talk about anywhere else.

i've stated it a million times, but i genuinely don't want to die. all of my previous attempts and plans to ctb were never about me wanting to die—it's about me needing to die. there's just no way for me to be happy in this life. i want to live a long life that's full of love and happiness, and i wouldn't even be on this site if i believed that was possible. that's one of the reasons why ctb has been a difficult thing for me to do. i don't want to die, i need to. i can't be miserable for the rest of my life, but there's nothing but misery in my future, so i need to die. i'll probably want to die someday, i dunno.

i've heard a lot of people say that they don't want to live. regardless of their pain and struggles, they don't want to be alive because they simply have no interest in living. that's understable, i'm not dismissing anyone who feels this way. you shouldn't have to live if you don't want to, even if your life is great in general.

so, yeah, i'm just wondering which side everyone falls on, if any.

(of course, you're valid no matter what you want. whether you've been through some terrible shit and still want to live, you've had a happy life without troubles but still want to die, etc... it's all valid.)

I could have written this myself. I absolutely don't want to die, as you I want to live a happy life without pain, emotional pain so I see no choice. I'm scared of dying and I've been thinking about that every single minute these days because in 2 weeks I'm going to have to face some
Situation and be in a setting that I can't be in so I feel like I'm being rushed into ending my life and I'm terrified.
Im just so sad feel so much pain and anger at the universe for putting good people through so much suffering.
Anyway you're definitely not alone in this.
I wish you the best

 

[uniqueusername22]

i don't want to die, i have to. sometimes i scream and cry to myself over and over i don't want to die. i really don't want to, but it's my only option.

 

[Trav1989]

I don't really WANT to die. I want to be happy. But I can't take much more of the struggle my life has become.

Same here, would prefer to stay alive but I think that ship has sailed due to the difficulty of life and relationships for me. I've been trying one last time but it doesn't seem to be working so I think I may as well just CTB because things aren't going to improve and my life is getting progressively worse in all honesty (in a plethora of ways). Still, I can't say I'm not trying but I think I'm just too traumatized at this point to truly connect with people who aren't on my save wavelength and those who can see things like I can are in "survival mode" and just living due to survival instinct at this point.

Can't say the same for myself honestly, my survival instinct deteriorated to nothing a while back and life is actually harder to consider partaking in than death because I like guaranteed results.

Regardless, I'm probably punching my ticket next month, but possibly earlier. Not sure I'll be able to hold off on using SN for very long once I get it because a nearly guaranteed way out is hard to beat and certainty in an uncertain world is a rarity to put it lightly.

 

[27ClubSoon]

**i don't mean this in the weird, invalidating "don't kill yourself!!! you don't want to die, you just want to stop feeling sad!!!" way that other people present it in.
please read the rest of this

i know this question might sound stupid, but i wanted to see if anyone else felt the way that i do. also, it's a weird thing to talk about anywhere else.

i've stated it a million times, but i genuinely don't want to die. all of my previous attempts and plans to ctb were never about me wanting to die—it's about me needing to die. there's just no way for me to be happy in this life. i want to live a long life that's full of love and happiness, and i wouldn't even be on this site if i believed that was possible. that's one of the reasons why ctb has been a difficult thing for me to do. i don't want to die, i need to. i can't be miserable for the rest of my life, but there's nothing but misery in my future, so i need to die. i'll probably want to die someday, i dunno.

i've heard a lot of people say that they don't want to live. regardless of their pain and struggles, they don't want to be alive because they simply have no interest in living. that's understable, i'm not dismissing anyone who feels this way. you shouldn't have to live if you don't want to, even if your life is great in general.

so, yeah, i'm just wondering which side everyone falls on, if any.

(of course, you're valid no matter what you want. whether you've been through some terrible shit and still want to live, you've had a happy life without troubles but still want to die, etc... it's all valid.)

You'll find the vast majority if not all of people here don't actually want to die. They want positive change. They just have no faith in it happening.

 

[pearlontherange]

I don't particularly want to die, but I'm running out of money and have had really bad luck finding a job so… I mean if I had a billion dollars I would not be feeling this way but oh well.

 

[Reflection]

I definitely don't want to die, I love myself and there's a lot of things I'm gonna miss out on...But I just haven't got a choice, I've been waking up with excruciating emotional pain every single day, I can't even escape it in my dreams, and more often than not it results in physical pain in my chest as well. I'm always on the verge of crying which is just pathetic for a 23 year old man, and I keep having mental breakdowns every now and then, I was NEVER like that in my whole life, I tried a therapist online to no avail, I did all I could to just save myself, but unfortunately it's out of my hands at this point. There's no point in experiencing life with that sort of suffering, which is why I need to die, even though it's far from the ideal solution. The only thing that can truly help me, well let's just say I don't have any way of getting it.

 

[ninfanatic]

yes, that's why i'm on this website. not going into detail, but because of my circumstances i will never be able to do anything healthy that will make me happy in life. it's all been ruined for me by people who aren't even sorry.

 

[katyusha_kat]

if i could fix my finances and find a fulfilling career i would still want to be here. i just don't know if that's even possible at this point.

Heard and felt. I feel the exact same way. I don't have a single problem I cannot solve with money. *hugs*

 

[losingsteam3141]

I dont want to die but I am in a situation where my life could very well be over. If it reaches that point I wont have any other option.

 

[MentalFuneral]

I sincerely want to die. Being alive is boring.

 

[Just_Another_Person]

Wondering if I should say yes or no. I want to cbt because I don't have a good future. No friends, no lover, no job, dysphoria... list goes on. A goodbye video of a girl I knew kinda made me accept the idea of ctb; she was calm, saying she was happy and looking beautiful. I wish when I part that I have the same peace she had.

 

[DanielDanDean]

It seems I'm not able to overcome SI when I try to CTB.
But I'm not happy at all and was sad for most of my life, nothing seems to make me happy for more than mere hours
Being rich would like for many people solve some of my problems and allow me to live life like I want without all this bullshit.
If I had a "instantly die" button I'd spam the shit out of it.

 

[Bitchophrenic]

It's a really tough question to answer, I feel so conflicted at times… like everything has been so painful and difficult lately in my life, and it's given no rewarding outcome, no matter how much it's promised to me by everyone. I feel like I just want a break from it all, and oftentimes I see myself leaning towards the thought CTB to be able to finally stop the pain I'm constantly in. But at the same time, I can't do it because I know there's people around me that depend on me, and if I set a bad example for them, they might do something similar.
In the end I kinda do, but I can't.

 

[Trav1989]

Eh, if everything would have worked out as I'd wanted them to go in relation to my life I wouldn't have wanted to CTB but in all honesty I knew things wouldn't pan out that way.

Most people lack the ability to see things from others' perspectives and they look at things inwardly so they'll go about their own self-serving path, everything else be damned.

Because of their happiness isn't the paramount objective being fulfilled they feel as though they are being neglected.

I've spent 35 years on this planet (a decade or so putting others first) and even when I tried my hardest it was scarcely enough and all those I loved drifted away.

Now I'm mostly alone and since I have nothing left tethering me to this existence I'm ready to CTB and the moment I get my SN in the mail the countdown towards my departure will begin.

I had a good run with many ups and downs, had it all and lost it all. Came to understand that the lows outweigh the highs if only due to the biological nature of the human condition and our innate "laser focus" on the lows.

I know what true love is and how easy it is for the person you planned to grow old with goes from being your everything to becoming nothing more than a stain on your emotional health.

How quickly things can go from telling each other how much love you share and being inseparable to becoming roommates at best, and eventually sworn enemies.

Our existences are extremely fickle and almost maddeningly so. Knowing what I know now would I go back and do it all over again?

No, certainly not.

Would I have invested more time and effort into valid methods to CTB earlier?

Yes, definitely.

Life is but a dream and once you wake up to that reality there is no going back to bed.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Yeah, I want to die. Living a long life doesn't appeal to me. I'm mentally stable and my life has been pretty good, so this is more of a want than a need for me.

 

[Redleaf1992]

Defnitey fall in the camp of wanting to live, a happy life.

Unfortunately as a person I feel too broken, and ultimately will always be alone and fuck everything up. I really just wasn't meant for adult life.

 

[Defenestration]

No i want stop suffer

 

[Lost Magic]

While I still enjoy the small pleasures in life, it is not enough. Everything is just so meaningless to me and silly. I honestly can't wait for it all to be over. But until I muster up the strength and courage to exit the grind this absurd game of life must go on.

 

[canijo]

I mean, even if you take all my emocional problems away, in 1 month i wont be able to pay rent anymore. I just don't want to live through that *again*. My only concern right now is finding a escape for my 2 cats, so they can be taken care of.

I think most of us don`t want to die, we just can handle what's left to live

 

[WhatMightHaveBeen]

No, I don't want to die. I want to have kept my good job and kept investing heavily in bitcoin from the start and be retiring to a cocaine-producing Latin American country now where the product is purest and cheapest.

Instead I'm broke/in debt, jobless, turning 50, unable to access drugs, and in dire fear of dying horribly in nuclear war. I'm facing homelessness on top of it all, and dying just seems like the better option than going on like this.

 

[Neon]

i just want peace, from all of this, it was never about wanting to die it was just about finding peace, by any means possible. i've lived and lived and tried, and it hasn't come to me, nor does it seem willing to. so for that reason i "want" to die.

 

[jeni-chan4]

I want to die. I want to experience death and dying and being dead. I also have BPD and life is extremely hard and tiring.

The only thing that keeps me from killing myself atm is my cat. She is very attached to me and needs me around.