Do you have any IRL friends? Like REAL friends you don’t hide stuff from?

[Im2high4this]

I had maybe 4-5 good friends that I hung out with still after high school. We have years and years of memories together..but I just cut them all off. It's been like that for the past year or longer. Haven't talked to any of them, and they have given up on reaching out at this point. I just felt like I never really truly connected with them. Like yes we got along and had good times, but more and more frequently I found myself looking forward to the alone time after hanging out, rather then enjoying the time with my friends. Ive surely turned into a hermit at this point, only having conversations with the liquor store clerks and homeless people I give my change to. It's hard to say I'm happier alone, because I haven't been happy in a long time...but isolation has been less stressful then keeping up a facade of everything is ok and going great. I don't want to be a burden on anybody. I even cut my family off. That's a hard decision to tell yourself was right. I just know keeping them out of the loop is less painful then keeping them IN the loop. I'm definitely going to have to leave a long note when I decide to end it, because once it's all said and done, I want them to have a closure. If even I have to lie in my note to spare their feelings, I will. But anyway, I'm just curious if anybody else is basically alone in the sense of both friends and family....by choice.

 

[Severen]

No because when you have friends, sooner or later a sociopath is going to enter your social circle and dealing with one is annoying. Then they will either try to hurt you or be nice to you only on the condition you become one of their pawns, a minion or a henchman for life. And neither option sounds appealing to me. Not interested in waging petty wars all my life against people who wormed their way into my life and not interested in serving those who are unfit to rule. EDIT: I'm aware that by choosing to be a loner, I am also sacrificing the option to have friends who are actually decent people. And of course, that sucks. I had to cut out a lot of decent people in my life in the past due to the fact, there was a sociopath or two in their social circle. People who could not simply be purged from existence. But nothing in life is free. Life never lets you just, keep the good parts and throw away the bad parts. If you want one thing or another, a sacrifice must always be made. Life is like living in a store that accept all kinds of currency. And the only thing you can do is walk around and find the best deals or just get screwed over as much as possible...

 

[Im2high4this]

No because when you have friends, sooner or later a sociopath is going to enter your social circle and dealing with one is annoying. Then they will either try to hurt you or be nice to you only on the condition you become one of their pawns, a minion or a henchman for life. And neither option sounds appealing to me. Not interested in waging petty wars all my life against people who wormed their way into my life and not interested in serving those who are unfit to rule.

God dam that's a intense way of looking at it. No judgement, but it sounds like you've been wronged in a serious way by people you would of considered friends...I would assume most people consider friends to be a good thing, but given our common grounds, it's not really a natural fit. It's just interesting to see that different ways of looking at it. I would love to have friends I could talk as open as I talk on the internet with. I don't believe that having friends is a unavoidable path to misery as you explain, but I hear you and respect the fact you feel that way. Like when you say serving those unfit to rule...it's a little far stretched from the realm I consider friends in, friends to me is not a relationship of command and follow, it's a mutual agreement and comradeship that makes you enjoy your time together. Surely that exists, even if some of us are not blessed enough to experience it.

 

[Bärchen]

I dont have any friends.

 

[Im2high4this]

I dont have any friends.

Fair enough, and you don't have to answer this..but, did you NEVER have friends? Like you never ever hung out in your free time with somebody else you enjoyed it with? I only ask because I'm kind of wondering if other people cut off their friends like I did. If you never had any to begin with, that's a pain I cannot even understand, and I'm sorry if that's the case. But like I asked in the main body of the post, is that by choice or because you couldn't make any?

 

[inconsequential]

Luckily, my two primary humans want to CTB as much as I do. We talk about methods, the "morality" of being pro-life, how fucked the medical system is, how animals get a better death than humans. It's actually kind of nice. One of them said to me last night that it was nice to have someone to talk to who won't call 911 because they said something off-color.

My third friend is my cat. You can trust cats with anything. Except maybe fish & catnip.

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

No.
Unless you count online friends.

 

[Bärchen]

Fair enough, and you don't have to answer this..but, did you NEVER have friends? Like you never ever hung out in your free time with somebody else you enjoyed it with? I only ask because I'm kind of wondering if other people cut off their friends like I did. If you never had any to begin with, that's a pain I cannot even understand, and I'm sorry if that's the case. But like I asked in the main body of the post, is that by choice or because you couldn't make any?

As a child i had for 2 years another kid i played with and thats it. In my free time i played videogames and with the cats, with 16 i started working. At 19 i started working all three shifts and 3 weekends in a month....i tried getting togehter with people with a local online chat but it never worked.

 

[Im2high4this]

Luckily, my two primary humans want to CTB as much as I do. We talk about methods, the "morality" of being pro-life, how fucked the medical system is, how animals get a better death than humans. It's actually kind of nice. One of them said to me last night that it was nice to have someone to talk to who won't call 911 because they said something off-color.

My third friend is my cat. You can trust cats with anything. Except maybe fish & catnip.

Super facts. My dog got a nice peaceful death when he had enough, where is mine??? Lol. And cats are better then most friends I've had at least ha

As a child i had for 2 years another kid i played with and thats it. In my free time i played videogames and with the cats, with 16 i started working. At 19 i started working all three shifts and 3 weekends in a month....i tried getting togehter with people with a local online chat but it never worked.

Word I'm sorry to hear that. I've learned myself that friends are rarer then I thought. Ask me 5 years ago how many friends I had, and you would need a full pen. Now I'm alone, and everyone I thought would care, doesn't.

 

[Scribble Fan]

I trust my brother, even though I hide plenty from him (my mental illness and such topics), nobody else. Problem is friends always fade away, they never last. Why make any? What's the purpose? I can't justify putting so much of myself into someone to just say goodbye later. It feels like part of myself is ripped out, I'd rather not in the first place.

Maybe I learned to be this way because of all the times I moved when younger..? I'm not even sure I believe in real friendship anymore, it all seem so transient. I'm grateful for my sibling, when I get lonely I almost feel normal with him. Lucky for that.

 

[SinisterKid]

One friend left and we are men, macho, and we dont talk about feelings and emotional stuff, its not the done thing

I dont see any family members at all and I am cool with my reasons for that. I have my own little family and I try my best to protect them from my impulses and urges. Its why I will probably be a long way from here when I do finally decide my time is up.

 

[Severen]

God dam that's a intense way of looking at it. No judgement, but it sounds like you've been wronged in a serious way by people you would of considered friends...I would assume most people consider friends to be a good thing, but given our common grounds, it's not really a natural fit. It's just interesting to see that different ways of looking at it. I would love to have friends I could talk as open as I talk on the internet with. I don't believe that having friends is a unavoidable path to misery as you explain, but I hear you and respect the fact you feel that way. Like when you say serving those unfit to rule...it's a little far stretched from the realm I consider friends in, friends to me is not a relationship of command and follow, it's a mutual agreement and comradeship that makes you enjoy your time together. Surely that exists, even if some of us are not blessed enough to experience it.

Actually, I've never been seriously wronged by any friend. The worst thing a friend did to me was make fun of me behind my back once and fail to keep something secret about me, by spreading it around because he just can't keep his mouth shut. I was pissed off for a short time but I got over it. I know people use secrets as currency. If you have interesting shit to say, that makes you more entertaining to be around. And I know we all have a sadistic side that tempts us to make fun of others, even those close to us. We see a flaw, find it funny and then it just comes out of our mouths without lack of proper mental discipline. And I know some people are cowards who will never have the guts to make fun of certain people out in the open because they are so afraid of facing the possibility of fighting to the death. Because there are people out there, who will try to kill you if you disrespect them. And I also learned a valuable lesson. Never share secrets with other people, no matter who they are. I've only been seriously wronged by family members and just one girlfriend. I don't need to always learn everything, the hard way, fortunately. Some people have no choice when it comes to this, though. EDIT: I did have one friend I really liked who stopped being friends with me for no good reason but I didn't consider that being wronged. I just took it, as people change and they might not want to be around certain people anymore or that he was being pressured by his parents to stop being friends with me because they thought I was a bad influence over him. I also forgot to mention I had a friend who would always make fun of me in the worst way possible whenever he was losing an argument. And then one day, I decided to stop being friends him anymore. And then one day, someone told me he was spreading lies about me behind my back, so I taught him a valuable lesson, afterwards. But I never really liked him anyway so I totally forgot about him afterwards, except when I would see him once in awhile in Highschool. And then I would mess with him to punish him some more. And to this day, when I think about him, I find the thoughts, amusing. People always think...the wicked are never punished. This not true. Sometimes, they get lucky, sometimes luck decides to abandon them. Most human beings also truly suck when it comes to judging other people. It's a rare gift, very few people have in this world. Most people suck so bad at it, humanity had to invent the phrase "Don't judge a book by it's cover." LOL And most people, even until the day they die of old age, fail to take this seriously. A lot of these people don't die of old age, of course because they wouldn't be able to survive that long, even if they desperately wanted to survive that long.

 

[ladolcemorte]

I have four people who came to see me in the hospital after my most recent failed attempt. Four people I can trust and who managed to be there for me without acting weird. Two of the four have been my friends for years. The other two are newer friends, but good ones. Over the years, people have come and gone and some people who I thought were really good friends disappeared. A lot of them got compassion fatigue after watching me struggle with depression, anxiety, hospitalizations, etc. It is true that there is less stigma around mental illness today than before, but it is draining for people to deal with. The first time things aren't going well, there is support and understanding, but the second time it's like "wait, this AGAIN?", and the third time it's "seriously...you got help...how are you not better yet?"...and the fourth time it's "are you sure you aren't doing this for attention?". And the fifth time, if you get that far, it's "I care about you but I just don't have the energy to keep going through this with you".

I once had a friend who I thought was going to be in my life forever. I thought we had an iconic friendship like CC and Hilary in Beaches. (That reference might be too dated for some people to understand.) She sat and held my hand in a lot of emergency rooms. She even advocated for me with the Doctors. I talked to her about wanting to die and even though she didn't get it, she tried to understand it. She didn't judge me. We had a lot of fun times together. She shared my dark sense of humour and we often discussed material for a one woman show about suicidality. She was there for me. Until the day she wasn't. Until the day she told me that she had to step back to take care of her own health, assuring me that she still wanted me in her life and that the friendship would continue. It didn't. I still feel very guilty, wondering if maybe I had not shared quite so much with her, we might still be friends.

I am envious of people on here who have real life friends who also want to ctb. I wish I could talk to someone who gets it. Someone who isn't going to get all weirded out, or feel some sense of responsibility for helping me, or immediately tell me how much I have to live for.

 

[not_a_robot]

Most friendships are based on social capital ("will being friends with this person help my social status?").
I doubt anybody has real friends in our sick society.

 

[Conflicted Cat]

No. I only had 1 person I used to really consider a good friend, but looking back on it, it wasn't even so, I was just desperate at time for a friend. He's now living his perfect little life, and doesn't give 1 shit about me, sooooooo...

 

[WOODESITY]

I managed to escape from family week ago, i cut all contacts with friends years ago, and months ago with only friend I had left and broke up with my partner,

truth is that family, friends etc.. only bring suffering and it's not love or freedom to be in relationship of any kind unless you're forced to do it to fulfill your selfish desires short or long term.. I'm basically being their slave and they're mine

going to store to buy something which involves in interacting with people and going to work where I'm forced to interact with people and to do things for them, to use them and to let them use me

This games will eventually never end unless people stop brainwashing others and themselves that these things are important and good for you

 

[Severen]

One friend left and we are men, macho, and we dont talk about feelings and emotional stuff, its not the done thing

I used to think that was the way men should be too when I was younger but then I realized, it only makes sense if applied to feelings that reveal a weakness. Men being stoic all the time, makes no sense to me. Because when men are stoic all the time, they essentially aren't communicating anything so people will have no fucking clue, what pleases them and what displeases them. And this creates a lot of confusion, chaos, time being wasted etc. When it comes to feelings, my philosophy is always express your rage, your hatred, your disgust as much as possible. Let it empower you. And always act on those feelings as long as it is beneficial to you, in the end. Because evolution gave you the option to do so for a reason. Stoicism is good if you want to be seen as the perfect slave. When you see powerful men in this world and when you read about powerful men in the past, they were very rarely, entirely stoic... Because they need to communicate to those beneath them, what is happening and what will happen to those who invoke such feelings again... Here are two good examples.




Some people will say, those feelings reveal weaknesses. But then I say, how so? Because those feelings can not blind you if you aren't an idiot. And the people who see what invokes those feelings from you and then just troll you, only do so because they have internet access and anonymity(in most cases but not in all cases). And would never ever behave in such a way in real life for a good reason if they know what is good for them...

 

[Dartz]

Nope, never

 

[deltahead]

no. i can't even remember what it's like to "really" talk with someone irl. if i were to die, the only people who would be deeply affected would be my parents. i only talk to other family members maybe once a year, most i've never even met in person. i talk with maybe a single person online and i can't see it as much of a friendship. the best part about this is how i'm probably younger than most posters here which makes me that much more of a loser. a person unfortunately tried to "befriend" me two years ago and it only highlighted how inherently incompatible i am with everyone my age and most people in general, along with compounding my general confusion and terror towards humans.

 

[Severen]

I managed to escape from family week ago, i cut all contacts with friends years ago, and months ago with only friend I had left and broke up with my partner,

truth is that family, friends etc.. only bring suffering and it's not love or freedom to be in relationship of any kind unless you're forced to do it to fulfill your selfish desires short or long term.. I'm basically being their slave and they're mine

going to store to buy something which involves in interacting with people and going to work where I'm forced to interact with people and to do things for them, to use them and to let them use me

This games will eventually never end unless people stop brainwashing others and themselves that these things are important and good for you

I think friends and family can bring happiness and security to your life but only if there is a strong, intelligent and benevolent person who rules over them all with an iron fist. Making sure, they all do their duty as a friend and as a family member and punishing those who do not. The problem is...we live in a world, where only certain people can rule over others with an iron fist(and they don't give a shit or like things the way they are) and thus, there is so much chaos, pain and suffering. Nobody to keep the sociopaths in line etc... The modern environment has turned into a Battle Royale type of environment with mostly stupid laws that make no sense(and do not even apply to everyone). So if you are in a Battle Royale type of environment, anything can happen... There is no real law and order. For example, a parent can be mentally and physically abusive to a child for no good reason and usually nothing happens to that parent. And there is law and order? HAH. No, such an environment is lawless....chaotic.... There is no guardian of virtues, forcing people to be righteous, looking over every family, every social circle, every neighborhood, every nation... And most people also don't give a shit or like things the way they are... That means, humanity is truly doomed for all eternity. The future of humanity is so horrible, some people will look back one day, and think even the worst periods of time in human history was a utopia for all if such people even exist in the future.

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

I had maybe 4-5 good friends that I hung out with still after high school. We have years and years of memories together..but I just cut them all off. It's been like that for the past year or longer. Haven't talked to any of them, and they have given up on reaching out at this point. I just felt like I never really truly connected with them. Like yes we got along and had good times, but more and more frequently I found myself looking forward to the alone time after hanging out, rather then enjoying the time with my friends. Ive surely turned into a hermit at this point, only having conversations with the liquor store clerks and homeless people I give my change to. It's hard to say I'm happier alone, because I haven't been happy in a long time...but isolation has been less stressful then keeping up a facade of everything is ok and going great. I don't want to be a burden on anybody. I even cut my family off. That's a hard decision to tell yourself was right. I just know keeping them out of the loop is less painful then keeping them IN the loop. I'm definitely going to have to leave a long note when I decide to end it, because once it's all said and done, I want them to have a closure. If even I have to lie in my note to spare their feelings, I will. But anyway, I'm just curious if anybody else is basically alone in the sense of both friends and family....by choice.

No. None to speak of. A lot of people who "seem" to care, but if I can be honest.... no.

 

[Paisley]

i have one friend. known her since we both started school. she's never been suicidal but has her own mental health problems. our personalities compliment each other well and having conversations with her doesn't feel awkward or forced. i can confide in her about my darkest thoughts but we can just as easily talk about vapid shit. in my experience, this is an incredible rarity.

every other person i once considered a friend has shown their true colours to me at some point or another. each and every acquaintance or friend i've had aside from the girl i mentioned before have faded out of my life, either by something they've said/done prompting me to terminate the relationship, or they couldn't handle how fucked up i am so they ended up being the ones who took the initiative in ending things. i miss none of them.

i feel like my father regards me as his property, and i feel abandoned by all of my siblings and my mother. when they call me i often let the phone ring without answering it, listening to the voicemail, or calling back. i'm suspicious as to whether my parents might be throwing money at me in an attempt to make amends for how awful they were to me while i was living with them both, then while i was living with just my father, and then while i was living with both my mother and her boyfriend. my siblings mostly try to check in on me every once in a while but i prefer to keep my distance emotionally because i don't trust or feel comfortable around any of them either. i was the youngest child by far, so when my brother and then my sisters left our childhood home, their departures eventually left preteen me alone with my severely disturbed father. at the same time, though, i can't blame them for wanting to get out of that environment. i do think that my siblings care about me but i don't think they would care about me if i wasn't related to them. how can you trust someone when you know that they likely actually hate who you are as a person, and just feel obligated to be nice to you?

 

[mathieu]

I used to have friends, not anymore. I'm a recluse.

 

[262653]

There is no person, me included, from whom I don't hide stuff. Real-time conversations don't allow for a thoughtful expression of our thoughts, feelings and emotions, or listening to the other person by the virtue of the time and energy limitations. It's a corrupted phone basically. If I happen to have a RL friend, I'd prefer to have meaningful conversations via correspondence and spare RL meetings for RL activities.

I had some acquaintances back before. We both played status games and put each other down to feel better about ourserlves, or put other groups down to feel better as a group. When we last met together, one of my current RL acquaintance complained about his narcissistic wife and how he tries his best to cure her but omg she's so ungrateful! Will I ever have a normal life? And their inclinations to interrupt me when I'm decoding my experience into words or dismiss what I say... And because we share different values, we have different concerns and very little common topics to talk about. Now when I think of it, I really have nothing profound to think of. I have no specialty in life and little life experience. So if I am to spend time with friends, its to gather new experience, not sharing what you've gathered.

 

[Midnight]

Yeah 1 longtime friend who i can trust and who knows what it's like. Though i would never give notice of an upcoming chance of catching the bus. He won't be surprised if it ever comes to that.

 

[divinized]

I had one but things are a bit rocky right now.

 

[vulturecyclop]

I have no one. My friends would either not understand how bad it really is, or get extremely worried.

 

[Oblivion Lover]

I never had any "actual" irl friends, only close acquaintances, but honestly I simply don't care 99% of the time. Sure it is nice to have someone to chat and play videogames with other than your family, but after some time they start becoming annoying like my parents.

 

[blanketyblk]

Lost my last good friend 3 years back, she became bitter and angry and blaming her problems on everyone else. just couldn't deal with it.

 

[piccadilly]

I don't really have any good friends. The last good friend I had was in 8th grade and that was over twenty years ago. She moved to New York and my mom died around the same time. I think a lot of the problems I go through now would be better if I had someone to talk to who I know would listen to me and have my best interest at heart, but I honestly don't feel like I know anyone like that. There is my godsister. She shares a lot of my humor, but she's not reliable. She has a kid and a lot of other responsibilities, so I feel bad trying to unburden my problems on her.