This is the way I feel I don't relate to so many, I only hate life and I don't hate myself in any way, I hate how I was burdened with the ability to exist and I believe I deserve better than existence, I deserve the peace of eternal nothingness because to me existence itself is the true problem, it's an imposistion, an hellish abomination and an unnecessary harm.
Simply being conscious and aware is a curse to me and I'm always thinking about how tragic it was how life even evolved at all, like why does life even have to exist when the absence of everything is perfection. I despise existence as it only causes meaningless suffering and problems there was never a need for, existence is completely useless and also just so unnecessary.
To me non-existence will always be preferable as those who no longer exist cannot mourn for how they lack the ability to suffer yet there is no limit as to how torturous existing can get and I simply don't wish to suffer just to risk experiencing way worse suffering at any moment, yet ceasing to exist solves everything, brings peace from all current suffering and removes any possibilities to suffer in the future. Existence is just evil to me, I'm not the problem but rather existence is.
And unlike many other suicidal people I'm not into self harm, I'm already harmed enough simply by existing and I don't wish for harm, I only wish for the absence of everything, it sounds so beautiful to never be able to think or feel ever again. But overall I only hate existence as existence itself is the ultimate source of my suffering, I was just unfortunate enough to be forced into existence, it's really sad how humans procreate, I wish they just wouldn't as it'd prevent so much pain caused by existing.
