Venting Do you ever want to be abused?

[Red Moon]

Outside of light slap on the hand then no absolutely not.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

You started it. Let's concentrate on OP rather than on you acting like a victim after starting a fight. Or the swarm of ladies in your head who are playing out rape fantasies with you.

OP doesn't deserve to be treated this way.

It's you who has caused multiple posts to go awry, leaving others unsure of how to react. You took a genuine person discussing her trauma in this post and made it into another larp. Stop doing this. To be honest, the moderators need to look into holding you in this thread accountable.

As such, @SexyIncél was banned from responding to this thread, as was @anhedonya but it was done for the sake of making sure tension between them didn't further derail this thread, for the sake of the op, I'd appreciate it if any further discussion here on out is centered around their post and respectfully so. Thank you.

 

[Leiden]

I know it sounds incredibly illogical, and it is - but I want to be abused so badly it causes me to ctb. I have been abused many times in the past, neglected, sexually, emotionally - but it's never enough to push me over the edge. I want nothing more then to die, but I can't bring myself to go through with it because of this false sense of hope that si gives me. I need something so horrifically terrible to happen to me, that it pushes me over the edge.

I know I sound insane, and I probably am, but I can't see any other way that ctb would be accessible to me. I'm constantly changing my mind about whether I should ctb or not, despite the fact that I am so deeply unhappy and miserable. I have this little bit of fear and hope stuck and I need to find a way to get rid of it, and I feel like a trauma that is so severe would do the trick.

I feel like I deserve the pain, the pain feels somewhat soothing in a fucked up way. When bad shit happens it makes me feel valid, being sick is my normalcy but no matter how sick I get it's never enough. I just want to get incredibly ill that I cannot be saved, or so beaten down and abused that I have no choice but to ctb.

I'm vulnerable and lonely, I know I'm unwell and I know I'm thinking irrationally. But I just wish so badly someone would ruin me, I want to be of use, I want to be valid, I want to be dead. I am so tempted to wonder off through the streets tonight and see what happens, I don't live in the nicest area. Maybe I'll get shitfaced and wonder off alone and see if someone will just kill me. Maybe I'll run across the motorway and hope I'll get hit. I don't know I just need to be hurt.

You don't deserve to be abused in any way. I'm so sorry its gotten to the point where you wish this for yourself.

 

[Manfrotto99]

I don't wish to be abused but I do have a sick wish to get run over or suddenly get killed - preferably in an act to save someone life who is actually worth living. I have a friend who told me he was more depressed after being diagnosed cancer free, because he secretly wished to die. My cousin was recently diagnosed with cancer. I wish it had been me and I pray God would take it from her, spare her and give it to me instead. This is all because I can't seem to get over my SI to CBT and possibly because I do not want to commit an act of killing. Maybe its because I don't want to take responsibility and want an easy way out by putting the act into someone elses hands or at the hands of fate. I think it would be easier that way but I guess its really a cop out.