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No. I want to suffer before and when i die. It's just it's so hard to live with myself that I can't keep doing it. Maybe i don't deserve to relieve myself of it but there's no reason for me to stay. And i'll relieve others of me so maybe an act of love to family/friends but that's not my main motivation.
If it is open book why are you using ChatGPT? I assume you got into the course by your own merits did you not? If the course is allowing open book and presumably ChatGPT that seems to me they expect little in the way of competence. You have time to adjust your sails if needed. Seems to me a failing on the part of the course/university then yourself. One can only make the most of the situations they are in and hope it results in something good. You just hope if things go wrong those around you have your back and fight for you. That isn't always the case. Good luck.
That's terrible I am sorry to hear that. I hope you find peace.
For now. There is a lot of motor skill and image interpretation, neither of which can be googled or solved by chatgpt (Echocardiograms / Electrocardiograms). Thanks for responding btw, I was a little discouraged because nobody seemed interested in my beta blocker thread.
I hate myself, it's tiring living inside something I hate. I just wish I wasn't so broken
I hate myself because despite nice life gets for me, I still feel shitty and want to die.
I am sorry to hear that.
in the US it's a combination of gpa+ACT/SAT. Sounds like you have everything under control. Good luck. Love your country by the way.
For your aptitude test you need to read EKG?
I hope you are able to find peace.
Trust me I know all too well what it means to be broken. Is it your body you hate?
Do you know why?
I'm sorry to hear that. Hopefully you can learn to love your body. Let your personality shine.
Life is a learning experience. You can only hope to learn from your mistakes and do better.I wouldn't say I hate myself but I do not like the choices I've made as a human, when I look back on it and realize the consequences I could have avoided if I didn't do (x) this or (x) that I certainly do think that I do not like myself, I know I can do better.
I find the good people to be far and few between. I wish I knew more. That said to be far I am fairly jaded. Not receiving help when you desperately need it will do that.
Have you been rejected from society? So you are projecting inwards what you feel outwards?
Why is that?
That's probably reasonably healthy.
The aptitude test was a whole set of novel problems and multiple choice solutions totally unrelated to my area of study. Iirc, the questions ranged from old photograph development, braille sheet music and cellphone circuit boards, and all the information required to answer each question was provided. Also had written essay component. All very novel, though. It was essentially a fluid intelligence test. Obviously it couldn't test for discipline, time management skills or ability to keep a stable sleeping pattern, all of which important for any kind of academic success. There is currently a bigger push to learn echo over ekg, so most of my extremely little knowledge is in echo. I am still very novice on all fronts.
I responded to you post. So you essentially took an IQ test? They are two different tests? Why Echo measuring ejection fraction vs EKG measuring heart impulses? I assume you are in medicine?
That seems to be a somewhat popular answer. Seems healthy to me.
Sort of, but not exactly. An IQ test would result in an IQ score, whereas my test produced an ATAR score. IQ tests are usually more comprehensive and make use of lots of specific tests to target singular cognitive faculties, e.g. digit span for working memory. Maybe I wasn't very clear. The aptitude test I sat years ago, before I was even admitted to the course. It granted me the ability to apply to my course, but beyond that it serves no relevance to my current situation. The tests I'm required to sit now are all related to cardiac physiology in some way that require lots of memorization, as is common in any life science degree. The tests and exams are online, and are openbook, which I exploit to the fullest and feel guilty for. If I had to sit these tests in person on campus, I would almost certainly fail. The only silver lining I hold on to is that there is a disconnect between all the academics and theory and the actual hands-on work.
Very generous of you to assume something so highly of me, but alas, no. The degree is referred to as cardiac physiology, which in full requires me to know and be competent in non-invasive cardiac diagnostic testing, a whole bunch of shit relating to the cardiac catheter lab, cardiac implant device testing, transthoracic echocardiograms (but not transesophageal ecgs) and operating electrophysiology equipment. Jesus fucking christ, just typing all that out sent shivers of self-doubt down my spine. Still probably easier than pharmacy, though.
Your story sounds unjust and cruel. I'd love to read your posts, but you would have to direct me there as I can't view your profile. I too am trying to make something of myself, but my faith is waning. Have you ever considered returning to Australia for work in some way? I live in Queensland now, so funny you should mention that you did some of your residency here. I actually moved here from Western Australia to study this, a decision that is sure to make me look double the fool if I fail. It's part of the reason why I wish to complete my current semester before making any mortal decisions, lest I add one more failure to the list before I go. Also, if you don't mind me asking, why oncology? I use to have great fantasies and dreams of becoming a psychiatrist, but I always knew these were to only ever be fantasies and never goals given my current capacities and capabilities.
I'm not entirely sure what happened to the reply.... I didn't forget about you. I'm tremendously sorry. I can't say I am a fan of this world either. I know what it is like to hate the situation one is in. Hopefully you are able to find a satisfactory solution to your situation.
First and foremost sorry for the typos that I cannot edit out.... I am notoriously bad at proofreading... It seems to be a theme in what I am writing.... It's frustrating because I cannot communicate as well as I could....
Hopefully you are finding it interesting!
I'm not sure I actually typed it out as opposed to intimating what happened. If you want I DM you what happened as I am sure people here aren't going to want to read it.... I am more then happy to. It's 2 pages in word though I can probably condense it down for here potentially though it is a little complex.
Oh interesting. That's good I think?
Interesting. I'm sorry to hear that. Sounds like a lot of hatred. Something I know probably too well.
can totally relate
you may if you were very injured or very sick, in a lot of pain
There's some truth to that. I am terribly sorry you haven't been loved. Everyone does to be.
Interesting. You wouldn't go stir crazy or crave conversation or anything?
