I go from 0 to 10, then back to 0. Too much hope still, I guess. Then I get tired of everything and if I had nembutal I think I would have already mixed with some drink by now.
Definitely at least a 7, probably more between 9 to 10. I don't care to get better anymore and honestly, the universe seems to agree that I should just off myself judging from all the bullshit it's thrown at me this past couple of years.
Currently 8 to 9. My biggest issue right now is loneliness and isolation but I don't even have the energy to take a shower much less go out and be social. I don't even know where I'd go anyway. I have absolutely nothing going on in my life. Failing health really sucks. Nobody wants to be around a sick, miserable person anyway.
9.
I don't actually want to die - well I wouldn't if I felt there was any other slight possibility.
But I've felt this way for years now, nearly a decade. I can only stand so much.
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