Hello Everyone, I've been a viewer of this forum for a while now and I believe my time has come.
I'm not the best at writing or formulating my thoughts, so please bear with me.
I've been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder since 2017. I've fought my depression since then with meds, therapy, and even psychedelics yet it has finally won...
So, Jan 30th of this year my wife left me and I've been a mess ever since. She was the love of my life and I fucked everything up with her and our relationship. We had so much fun and love in our dating period, I was on cloud nine. Never had any problems or anything big happen while we dated. Then we got married. We've had issues ever since we first became married, It honestly felt that nothing I did was good enough for her or that her standards somehow became higher than achievable since we started dating. We'd go to church together and I'd do something or spend a little too much time going to the bathroom that she'd blow up on me in front of everyone. There was a time I wore a rubber wedding band that I bought and when she saw me wearing it she threw a tizzy fit in public about "not wearing the original ring" and that I as a husband can only wear the one she got me because that's what married people do and that anything less is worthless. There were so many 'small' things that we fought over that they're too many to detail here.
She eventually left me and over text would tell me I was abusive and manipulative ever since we were married and she couldn't do it anymore...
I tried, I really did try to be the man she wanted me to be. I gave up my passions and my loves to be with her and help her with all the mental things she herself was experiencing (she has OCD, Bipolar, Schizo affective Disorder, ADHD, etc.) I still want to be that man and make everything work. I just feel so broken and helpless.
So I'm buying a gun and tomorrow on our first anniversary of marriage I will be ending it all. I'd love to answer any questions in the mean time. I've made my decision and nothing will deter me, even though I'd appreciate it, please don't try to dissuade me from that choice. I've a lot of experience with hunting and putting things out of their misery that I'm confident in my ability.
There's nothing left for me in this life. I have no future, no road to follow, no anything that keeps me attached to this world. I only wish to be by my beloved's side one last time...
I'm not the best at writing or formulating my thoughts, so please bear with me.
I've been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder since 2017. I've fought my depression since then with meds, therapy, and even psychedelics yet it has finally won...
So, Jan 30th of this year my wife left me and I've been a mess ever since. She was the love of my life and I fucked everything up with her and our relationship. We had so much fun and love in our dating period, I was on cloud nine. Never had any problems or anything big happen while we dated. Then we got married. We've had issues ever since we first became married, It honestly felt that nothing I did was good enough for her or that her standards somehow became higher than achievable since we started dating. We'd go to church together and I'd do something or spend a little too much time going to the bathroom that she'd blow up on me in front of everyone. There was a time I wore a rubber wedding band that I bought and when she saw me wearing it she threw a tizzy fit in public about "not wearing the original ring" and that I as a husband can only wear the one she got me because that's what married people do and that anything less is worthless. There were so many 'small' things that we fought over that they're too many to detail here.
She eventually left me and over text would tell me I was abusive and manipulative ever since we were married and she couldn't do it anymore...
I tried, I really did try to be the man she wanted me to be. I gave up my passions and my loves to be with her and help her with all the mental things she herself was experiencing (she has OCD, Bipolar, Schizo affective Disorder, ADHD, etc.) I still want to be that man and make everything work. I just feel so broken and helpless.
So I'm buying a gun and tomorrow on our first anniversary of marriage I will be ending it all. I'd love to answer any questions in the mean time. I've made my decision and nothing will deter me, even though I'd appreciate it, please don't try to dissuade me from that choice. I've a lot of experience with hunting and putting things out of their misery that I'm confident in my ability.
There's nothing left for me in this life. I have no future, no road to follow, no anything that keeps me attached to this world. I only wish to be by my beloved's side one last time...
