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NotOkay_

NotOkay_

The damage is done, so i guess I’ll be leaving
Dec 2, 2020
238
I feel bad posting multiple times that I'm CTB for the last time, in my mind i feel like I'm ready every single day but something always gets in the way as I haven't been able to refine my plans to MY way. But I've had a very long time to ponder and plan and practice my chosen method. I hope it doesn't come across as "attention seeking" i just wanna have support and love in my last moments is that a bad thing? :)
 
NotOkay_

NotOkay_

The damage is done, so i guess I’ll be leaving
Dec 2, 2020
238
No ppl IRL there 4 u?
Lol I can't exactly tell them about CTB lol
Don't worry. We get it.
I also do it from time to time. I just feel so trapped in this world and especially, in my mind!

Hugs and love and cheers!!! (I'm the one drinking now lol)
Hahah love you man <3 thank you for being so understanding :) hahha I'm drinking too just to get some courage *sigh
 
Darrenloses

Darrenloses

Student
Nov 27, 2018
103
humans thrive off attention and support so it's understandable if you want to post frequently, I think I'd feel overwhelmed with even just a few people on this forum wishing me well in my final moments when I post my final thread.
 
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GenesAndEnvironment

GenesAndEnvironment

Autistic loser
Jan 26, 2021
5,743
Try talk to your family, friends or doctor about being suicidal, then get back to me lol
Already have, my entire family knows I'm suicidal, I've been on several SSRIs and seen many therapists. Maybe you couldn't imagine such a thing?
 
NotOkay_

NotOkay_

The damage is done, so i guess I’ll be leaving
Dec 2, 2020
238
Already have, my entire family knows I'm suicidal, I've been on several SSRIs and seen many therapists. Maybe you couldn't imagine such a thing?
No I couldn't unfortunately, you're one of the lucky few.
 
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whiteflag

whiteflag

*gestures vaguely*
Jan 19, 2021
13
No I couldn't unfortunately, you're one of the lucky few.
Actually I think it can make it more hopeless. People know, but it really doesn't change anything in the end. You don't have to wonder what if or if people really did care. You already know how they feel.
 
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NotOkay_

NotOkay_

The damage is done, so i guess I’ll be leaving
Dec 2, 2020
238
Lucky? Can you elaborate?
Most people on here can agree that casually talking about suicide, outside of this forum (to most of mainstream society) is taboo and the results aren't always pretty.
 
GenesAndEnvironment

GenesAndEnvironment

Autistic loser
Jan 26, 2021
5,743
Most people on here can agree that casually talking about suicide, outside of this forum (to most of mainstream society) is taboo and the results aren't always pretty.
Very contextual, sure. I always made sure to say that I had no specific plans and weren't planning on doing it soon. Never got admitted but got some "help", as it is called. To no avail, of course.
 
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H

hopeisgone

Member
Jan 13, 2021
25
I have been honest with a few people irl. They get weird, don't know how to relate or respond, they express concern and worry. Then they go on with their lives. I didn't receive "help", but I'm not even sure what that looks like or what I wanted. I started to ask myself why am I telling people? Cos I want help? But what kind of help? I don't want to be forcibly committed. So then why the fuck am I telling people? For attention?

I guess in the end I just wanted to feel seen and heard and understood. But people like on this forum understand better than anyone I know irl. So I stopped talking about it. Also, I stopped wanting help.
 
NotOkay_

NotOkay_

The damage is done, so i guess I’ll be leaving
Dec 2, 2020
238
I have been honest with a few people irl. They get weird, don't know how to relate or respond, they express concern and worry. Then they go on with their lives. I didn't receive "help", but I'm not even sure what that looks like or what I wanted. I started to ask myself why am I telling people? Cos I want help? But what kind of help? I don't want to be forcibly committed. So then why the fuck am I telling people? For attention?

I guess in the end I just wanted to feel seen and heard and understood. But people like on this forum understand better than anyone I know irl. So I stopped talking about it. Also, I stopped wanting help.
Well said. Well your SS family are here for you always. You're never alone <3
 
GenesAndEnvironment

GenesAndEnvironment

Autistic loser
Jan 26, 2021
5,743
I have been honest with a few people irl. They get weird, don't know how to relate or respond, they express concern and worry. Then they go on with their lives. I didn't receive "help", but I'm not even sure what that looks like or what I wanted. I started to ask myself why am I telling people? Cos I want help? But what kind of help? I don't want to be forcibly committed. So then why the fuck am I telling people? For attention?

I guess in the end I just wanted to feel seen and heard and understood. But people like on this forum understand better than anyone I know irl. So I stopped talking about it. Also, I stopped wanting help.
Needing attention has been stigmatized in the same way as needing romantic intimacy has. "Lmao, attention whore", "lol, neckbeard incel", etc. Basic human needs that are not met have a real impact on psychology, which should be obvious.
 
NotOkay_

NotOkay_

The damage is done, so i guess I’ll be leaving
Dec 2, 2020
238
Needing attention has been stigmatized in the same way as needing romantic intimacy has. "Lmao, attention whore", "lol, neckbeard incel", etc. Basic human needs that are not met have a real impact on psychology, which should be obvious.
Well said
 
wunschtraum

wunschtraum

wish I was a cat
Jan 15, 2021
160
I feel bad posting multiple times that I'm CTB for the last time, in my mind i feel like I'm ready every single day but something always gets in the way as I haven't been able to refine my plans to MY way. But I've had a very long time to ponder and plan and practice my chosen method. I hope it doesn't come across as "attention seeking" i just wanna have support and love in my last moments is that a bad thing? :)
are you going to do full suspension?
 
S

Sakura94

empty
Nov 26, 2020
673
You're fine, there isn't exactly a lack of space here. Just post whatever you want it's literally the biggest decision you will make after all.
 
Last edited:
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Deleted member 17949

Deleted member 17949

Visionary
May 9, 2020
2,240
It's fine really. Reality is people try to ctb and fail or back out a lot. Anyone that doesn't understand that reality has no place judging you really.
 
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