Confessing Sins

[Rational man]

Not want to add extra stress but so aware - check comments / threads prior sending £££ as seller D not replying emails atm. Development in last few days.

Thanks I'm actually ready to die now. I've accepted that anything is better than my pain As none of my muscles or nerves work, I'm rattling 24/7. I just hope I can get the magic ticket ordered & through customs next week & I'll be out of here ASAP thereafter.

Thank you. It's my physical that is severe. My mind just takes over now. I am ready to ctb. I just need to acquire the golden ticket asap & I no longer care about death it's got to be better than this torturous existence.

sorry to hear about your.pain..you sound like a lovely person. Ultimately, we make our own choices . Physical pain, like constantly is soul destroying for me. My pain is intractable so I need to make choices.

 

[Chockles]

sorry to hear about your.pain..you sound like a lovely person. Ultimately, we make our own choices . Physical pain, like constantly is soul destroying. My pain is intractable so I need to make choices.

I hope you make the right choice before things get too bad. My physical pain was intractable 8 years then it became unbearable a year ago. I only wish I'd known how bad things could become. I'd have found this group sooner & at least been prepared earlier. X

 

[Stopthepain]

I hope you make the right choice before things get too bad. My physical pain was intractable 8 years then it became unbearable a year ago. I only wish I'd known how bad things could become. I'd have found this group sooner & at least been prepared earlier. X

Well nobody plans for to end up here.. we have to believe These horrible Things are never gonna happen to us to have a more carefree life. Until shit happens to us.. that s why nobody wants to hear or talk about suicide or Euthanasia.

 

[Chockles]

Well nobody plans for to end up here.. we have to believe These horrible Things are never gonna happen to us to have a more carefree life. Until shit happens to us.. that s why nobody wants to hear or talk about suicide or Euthanasia.

I know but been suicidal 10 months 24/7. Was naive about methods & SI. Only discovered this group couple months ago Just wish it'd maybe been 8 months ago before moving in with parents & limited options now.

 

[Stopthepain]

I know but been suicidal 10 months 24/7. Was naive about methods & SI. Only discovered this group couple months ago Just wish it'd maybe been 8 months ago before moving in with parents & limited options now.

At least you are able to order N and still able to ctb somehow. Could be even worse. And after 2 months people normaly hope just that it will get better and dont prepare for the worst. I know how u feel. My regrets wont change anything. Do the best u can for your in your current situation, as bad as it is.. there is nothing else we can do. The past is the past..

 

[Chockles]

Still have container of >100 paracetamol from before finding site.

I've done 42 paracetamol before SS. Did absolutely nothing. Didn't vomit, didnt feel any side effects worked in drug addictions before sick too. Recorded uk OD drug stats. Surprisingly few cocktails causing death & only thought to be 12% success rate from most opiods /benzos/alcohol combos.
Apart from pph amitryptline cocktail or F SN or N don't think any drugs are particularly reliable for ctb imo.

At least you are able to order N and still able to ctb somehow. Could be even worse. And after 2 months people normaly hope just that it will get better and dont prepare for the worst. I know how u feel. My regrets wont change anything. Do the best u can for your in your current situation, as bad as it is.. there is nothing else we can do. The past is the past..

If I manage to get N!!!
It's just parents can't cope either me screaming all night unable to sleep, crying all day
If I don't find answer soon they have said they'll need to put me back in hospital.
Last time was psyche ward drugs don't help my pain at all.

 

[Stopthepain]

I've done 42 paracetamol before SS. Did absolutely nothing. Didn't vomit, didnt feel any side effects worked in drug addictions before sick too. Recorded uk OD drug stats. Surprisingly few cocktails causing death & only thought to be 12% success rate from most opiods /benzos/alcohol combos.
Apart from pph amitryptline cocktail or F SN or N don't think any drugs are particularly reliable for ctb imo.

If I manage to get N!!!
It's just parents can't cope either me screaming all night unable to sleep, crying all day
If I don't find answer soon they have said they'll need to put me back in hospital.
Last time was psyche ward drugs don't help my pain at all.

You can checkout lyme disease, or detox for mold Toxicity while u are waiting for it. But D is rly Quick.

 

[Dot]

You can checkout lyme disease, or detox for mold Toxicity while u are waiting for it. But D is rly Quick.

Radio silence from D past few days.

 

[Chockles]

You can checkout lyme disease, or detox for mold Toxicity while u are waiting for it. But D is rly Quick.

I detoxed from mold 18 months with a private FD. Sold flat spent entire sale proceeds on it £200000. Only got worse. Too long exposure & too many genetic issues. Hardly anyone knows about mycotoxin illness here in uk or my rare genetic conditions. I didn't until too late

I detoxed from mold 18 months with a private FD. Sold flat spent entire sale proceeds on it £200000. Only got worse. Too long exposure & too many genetic issues. Hardly anyone knows about mycotoxin illness here in uk or my rare genetic conditions. I didn't until too late

Anyway I've accepted my fate.
Just got to acquire the N without any issues then everything will be ok.

 

[Stopthepain]

I detoxed from mold 18 months with a private FD. Sold flat spent entire sale proceeds on it £200000. Only got worse. Too long exposure & too many genetic issues. Hardly anyone knows about mycotoxin illness here in uk or my rare genetic conditions. I didn't until too late

Anyway I've accepted my fate.
Just got to acquire the N without any issues then everything will be ok.

If u have money switzerland is also an Option.

 

[Chockles]

If u have money switzerland is also an Option.

Can't get approved for Switzerland.
NHS don't believe in mold ilness.
Couldn't get a GP letter anxiety blamed.
Couldn't travel now anyway bed ridden
And need to be fully vaccinated (covid) to fly. 1st dose Pfizer made me more bed ridden.
Will try acquire N 1st.
Envisaging hypothermia/dehydration slow deaths living outdoors in winter all failing with SN get a taxi somewhere rather than decades in a care home.

 

[toforigivelife]

I'm not trying to encourage you to end your life, that is your personal decision to make and I respect it.

Hopefully this will help to ease your mind; those who have come very close to death or who were clinically dead at one and had what is known as a near death experience have said that there is no judgement, no angry, vengeful God who has been keeping track of your wrongdoings waiting to pounce on you and condemn you to hell.

They say that there is only an indescribable unconditional love and a chance to face whatever mistakes you made in this life and find redemption.

There isn't anyone alive or dead who hasn't made mistakes or who haven't made bad choices.

I hope this not only eases your mind but also your poor conscience.

Peace and blessings my friend.

 

[irememberinnocence]

I'm going to comment on your regrets rather than your plans. Regardless of how long you live from now, I think you need to be told that you're a good person and that I've heard your regrets at the deepest level. It seems like you've always been doing your best throughout life and your small misdemeanours were also nothing out of the ordinary. As for your parents, you've realised now how much they love you and you're also changing yourself by not living behind lies anymore.

As for myself, I have sadnesses rather than regrets. It saddens me that my health has stood in the way of my dreams. It saddens me that I could no longer be there for someone in particular because it was endangering my health (not them but the situation at large). It pains me that I feel so bitter and angry. It pains me that I'm not going to get better and that the past few years have been spent with me feeling progressively more humiliated. It pains me that I can't show the world who I am because I simply don't have the energy to.

 

[Chockles]

I'm not trying to encourage you to end your life, that is your personal decision to make and I respect it.

Hopefully this will help to ease your mind; those who have come very close to death or who were clinically dead at one and had what is known as a near death experience have said that there is no judgement, no angry, vengeful God who has been keeping track of your wrongdoings waiting to pounce on you and condemn you to hell.

They say that there is only an indescribable unconditional love and a chance to face whatever mistakes you made in this life and find redemption.

There isn't anyone alive or dead who hasn't made mistakes or who haven't made bad choices.

I hope this not only eases your mind but also your poor conscience.

Peace and blessings my

I'm going to comment on your regrets rather than your plans. Regardless of how long you live from now, I think you need to be told that you're a good person and that I've heard your regrets at the deepest level. It seems like you've always been doing your best throughout life and your small misdemeanours were also nothing out of the ordinary. As for your parents, you've realised now how much they love you and you're also changing yourself by not living behind lies anymore.

As for myself, I have sadnesses rather than regrets. It saddens me that my health has stood in the way of my dreams. It saddens me that I could no longer be there for someone in particular because it was endangering my health (not them but the situation at large). It pains me that I feel so bitter and angry. It pains me that I'm not going to get better and that the past few years have been spent with me feeling progressively more humiliated. It pains me that I can't show the world who I am because I simply don't have the energy to.

Thank you. Your words mean a lot & your sadness feelings are similar to mine. There is just so much trauma deeply buried coming up from my past that I'd forgotten I'd down including self harming, living so many lies, masking true feelings for decades to everyone else. I still believe my mum didn't help things but I have forgiven her as can see now how devastated she is at my demise & clearly supports me doing what's best for me.
I was a weird child with development delays that clearly have majorly impacted both my mental & physical issues throughout my life.
I can't do anything now & know I need to be brave, acquire N & take it asap as no matter what death is it can't be worse than what my hellish existence has become especially in the last year.
Nothingness scares me as if like another go at life there were some good times. But going to a life panel in the afterlife & talking about my mistakes as I've read others believe happens scared me too as that's all I seem to be doing myself the last few months, recalling where I've gone wrong & getting emotional about it. I wasn't ready to die, a couple years back I was slowly recovering before discovering toxic mold has now completely destroyed my immune system doing up the flat that was supposed to be being sold as a new start for me & my partner to move somewhere nice with a garden, buy a dog, get out more in nature on my mobility scooter appreciate the simpler things in life & it's all been taken away from me lying here in burning electrical pain from head to toe struggling to breathe, eat, drink, go to toilet all bodily functions failing me yet I could live decades as my organs are working fine according to bloods from the nhs & they blame depression for everything yet medication doesn't touch me anymore.
I am now desperate to die & can only hope N can be acquired soon & will be different will end my suffering as benzos don't even give me a few hours sleep anymore,; opiods & nerve pain meds make me iller.
I hope you too find ways to get peace when you feel ready. X

 

[irememberinnocence]

This is sort of unrelated but if by any chance you have mast cell disorder then there are some treatments that can work. I was actually bedridden and then began the treatments so that has given me a few more years of being partially active. I thought I was a gonner a few years ago lying there 247 in complete darkness. My main reason for CBT now is it has progressed to stage I cannot eat properly anymore and I'm on too many meds etc etc, not happy to keep going.

 

[Chockles]

This is sort of unrelated but if by any chance you have mast cell disorder then there are some treatments that can work. I was actually bedridden and then began the treatments so that has given me a few more years of being partially active. I thought I was a gonner a few years ago lying there 247 in complete darkness. My main reason for CBT now is it has progressed to stage I cannot eat properly anymore and I'm on too many meds etc etc, not happy to keep going.

I've had suspected mcas for years. Spent my flat sale proceeds on private FD did loads mold, lyme protocols. It did no good.too long exposure & too many unknown rare genetic complications. I did get a couple extra years of mild improvement with my mcas on diets a few years ago before my ears & sinuses were colonised by mold doing up my flat to bizally to start a new chapter in my life but I was living with extreme exposure in lockdown didn't realise complications until too late. My parents are too old to understand my diet needs I can't look after myself so when my ex dumped me with them I knew things would only get worse me bed ridden in agony with no support. I just never thought things could get this bad & it wouldn't kill me. So finding a method to ctb is crucial now. I can't eat properly, meds don't touch me & i struggle to go to the toilet. My whole body electric burning but shivery at same time. I simply cannot go on. X

 

[ScaredToLive]

Lol if the police want to chase for me for stealing sweets and posters when I was13 they are more than welcome to

 

[needingpeace24]

I've lied to people that had trust in me, I've stolen from people who had trust in me, I've said extremely mean things to people who loved me, I've failed to keep promises, I've let people down, I've been in physical altercations that have injured people, I've cheated on women I've dated and broken someone's heart before. Although alot of that happened in my early 20s I still think about it all every day and overflow with regret.

I'm not a good person. The fact that I'm alone while trying to force myself to do what needs to be done just reinforces that. I keep telling myself I deserve this. Because I do. This is the way shit is supposed to be. I have no idea why I'm still holding on.