Dot
Info abt typng styl on prfle.
- Sep 26, 2021
- 3,240
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Dot
Info abt typng styl on prfle.
- Sep 26, 2021
- 3,240
Law Enfrcmnt
Alec
Wizard
- Apr 22, 2019
- 680
Hi, I just want you to know that I'm with you, I'm thinking about you and you are not alone. I don't know if you are still here or not but wherever you are I hope you feeling alright, and if you succeeded I hope you that wherever you are - you are exactly where you want to be. I'm sending you the warmest hugs and I'm thinking about you!!
PS.: I also thought about taking something that makes me drowsy hoping it will help me pass out quicker after drinking SN.
PS.: I also thought about taking something that makes me drowsy hoping it will help me pass out quicker after drinking SN.
NMOP3PISdn
Member
- Nov 5, 2021
- 66
I was found. By a guy who wanted a cigarette. I just got out of the hospital today. I was asleep for almost 2 days. My parents and everyone who I wrote my letters to went to the hospital and I broke down in tears. I am not sure how to feel now. I am still depressed but now everyone wants me to live for them. Now I will have to pay a ton of medical bills too. Not to mention my Dad saw that I was on this website because he picked up my car and found my phone. Looked through my browsing history and found this site. I don't know what to do from here. I don't know how to tell them that I just really wanted it to end. I feel like they want me to say that I regret doing it. It sucks when you just want to die and then you wake up and you're still alive and you wake up to an intervention. Now I can't even have any privacy someone is watching me 24/7. And my Dad is trying to talk me in to going to a psych ward to get help and until I feel better. I told him that I don't want to and if they force me to do so I will jump off a bridge to make sure i actually die this time around.
I will probably lose my job after because people from work found out about it and I really don't want to go to work and have everyone feel pitty on me.
My Dad was refusing to give me my phone back too. This place was the only place i feel like I can actually be me right now.
I will probably lose my job after because people from work found out about it and I really don't want to go to work and have everyone feel pitty on me.
My Dad was refusing to give me my phone back too. This place was the only place i feel like I can actually be me right now.
not-2-b-the-answer
Archangel
- Mar 23, 2018
- 10,387
I'm sorry your plans were ruined.
It sucks being watched. Maybe fake it until you have a chance to try again.
I don't know what I would do about work. I don't know if they can fire you for trying to ctb. I guess if they really want to, they can find other ways.
It sucks being watched. Maybe fake it until you have a chance to try again.I don't know what I would do about work. I don't know if they can fire you for trying to ctb. I guess if they really want to, they can find other ways.
Oh shit... Thats what i really dont want to happen.
NMOP3PISdn
Member
- Nov 5, 2021
- 66
My problem is I am now so embarrassed to even show up. My boss knows what happened and he called me today but now I feel like i don't have a face to show to work. He told me I can take some time and to file for medical leave but damn. How do I even explain what I am going through. I don't even know if I can file for medical leave for what I am going through. I understand that I have a serious mental illness at this point which is why I wanted to just end it.I'm sorry your plans were ruined.
I don't know what I would do about work. I don't know if they can fire you for trying to ctb. I guess if they really want to, they can find other ways.
pento
Member
- Nov 12, 2021
- 79
I'm sorry you are going through this. I thought for sure this would be another peaceful SN ending.
But if it means anything, I'm happy you're still around.
But if it means anything, I'm happy you're still around.
KuriGohan&Kamehameha
想死不能 - 想活不能
- Nov 23, 2020
- 1,798
It's so disappointing that those around you aren't respecting your feelings. The last thing you need in such dire straights is to be locked up and treated like a prisoner in a ward, you need empathy and compassion from your parents. Which sadly, it seems like you aren't getting right now.
I'm truly sorry. I had a failed attempt recently too and I understand completely how the humiliating infantalization afterwards puts you off of speaking to anyone.
I'm truly sorry. I had a failed attempt recently too and I understand completely how the humiliating infantalization afterwards puts you off of speaking to anyone.
blueclover_.
Better Never to Have Been: 2006, David Benatar
- Oct 11, 2021
- 668
I had a bad feeling when you said you were gonna do it in a public area. Next time if you still choose to ctb, go somewhere isolated, like in a locked room or a quiet forest. Pro-lifers suck. They don't care if you're suffering everyday as long as you're alive.
NMOP3PISdn
Member
- Nov 5, 2021
- 66
Honestly, this guy was drunk with his friend. I remember giving them a cigarette when I got off the truck and they had a box of 18 pack beer with them. This was before I snapped the photo I posted that night.
When I was about to pass out I remember them walking towards my truck. I thought they were just going to pass by. That is literally the last thing I remember seeing. Then I think felt my car door open but I am not quite sure if it was them, I think I heard someone say "can we have another cigarette", I am not sure if I was still awake but I do remember them walking towards my car as my vision was getting blurry. I had a massive headache at that point and I couldn't really move my body anymore. I think my eyes were just open because I couldn't close them anymore. I think I threw up but I don't remember. The only reason I think I did is because when I got my clothes back from the hospital they were a little wet and smelled acidic.
To make things worst my Dad had gotten this guys number and he is asking me to call him and thank him for saving me. Deep inside of me I just want to call him and cuss him out for ruining my plans.
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pento
Member
- Nov 12, 2021
- 79
God yeah I can imagine.
Kobusu
Writer
- Oct 18, 2021
- 268
I'm sorry you had to go through being found, I think many of us know how horrible the aftermath of failed attempts can be, so a lot of us are there with you. The frustration is indescribable.
It's worse when everyone makes your desire for death about themselves. I hope you find your peace soon, in whatever form it takes. Nobody should have to suffer for their entire lives, especially not for the sake of the selfish.
It's worse when everyone makes your desire for death about themselves. I hope you find your peace soon, in whatever form it takes. Nobody should have to suffer for their entire lives, especially not for the sake of the selfish.
meetapple
Mage
- Jun 3, 2021
- 585
If you went through the process of deciding you wanted to CTB and actually attemptEd to do so why would someone think you wanted to be saved? I guess it is too disturbing for society to think that people would want to leave this wonderful worled.
I understand wanting to cuss him out but he is just doindg what most people have beed trained to think is the right thing. I think a private place gives a better chance, depending on where it is- in hotel rooms sometimes a person makes really loud vomiting noises while passed out and they get rescued this way. It's very difficult finding a private place where if it is noisy no one else will hear.
People don't really use methods like N or SN in public. How would they have even known they were in the process of ctb?
I agree. Since the OP has a car, why not drive to a remote area where there's no chance of getting discovered?
Or little chamce- police cars patrol everywhere, even remote areas- in case a bad guy takes a girl there.
NMOP3PISdn
Member
- Nov 5, 2021
- 66
It actually is San Diego
i only took one. I tried to enjoy the scenery one last time before leaving but it didn't go well, obviously.
Sorry to change subject a little but does anyone else apart from me think that the health authorities can actually make your mental health worse instead of helping it? I have been thru the mills a lot lately with mental health services some rejected from because I'm "too unstable" and no real meaningful support. Just left to fend for yourself. I don't know about other places I'm from Northern Ireland and I can say tye mental health services in the UK are a disgrace! If anything they exacerbate my mental health problems further.
I am so sorry you went through this. Can I ask a question? I am guessing they gave you methylene blue at the hospital?
NMOP3PISdn
Member
- Nov 5, 2021
- 66
Honestly I was mostly out when I was in the hospital. They gave me some paperwork of some stuff they administered during my stay. They also gave me some pills that I am taking right now, they said it will help me recover. I don't really have access to them since my parents are giving them to me whenever I have to take them. They are afraid that I might CTB again. Like I said I am being watched 24/7 right now. I haven't really looked in to those papers either and have no interest on what they did. From what I have read in the past though, methylene blue seems to be the cure.
No one answered b4... look mental health services have made my mental health a lot worse..my sexual assault I was manipulated and cohersed to an extent I blame myself... he called me "his baby" but me being me and the unique relationship we had I thought it harmess but on the night it happened I remembered him saying repetitively "come on baby" as if I was anyone ... I thought we had a deep friendship emotional connection as I'd known him for years b4hand... I feel so stupid violated sorry interfered with.. I need to go... please someone!!!!!! I'm aware that pregablin mixed with alcohol is fatal - is 8t a peaceful death? Or is there something I must mix with it to make it peaceful...?
Sorry I put this I wrong thread no disrespect to you NMOP.... but can someone still advise
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NMOP3PISdn
Member
- Nov 5, 2021
- 66
I am sorry for what you have been through. I do not know if this method so I really don't know how to help. I too was sexually abused when I was younger. If you need someone to talk to I am here.
Fadeawaaaay
Visionary
- Nov 12, 2021
- 2,160
Yes this seems like one of the most important elements – making sure you're doing this in a place where you're not gonna get discovered… I was thinking a remote wilderness area… I feel like even a motel if you ask them not to bother you for 48 hours somebody still might show up… As for my apartment,Didn't want to leave a hideous corpse to be found by my landlord who is a very sweet person…
I would not ask them not to bothyer you for 48 hours - that's a huge red flag that something bad is going on, possibly a murder, so they'll make up some excuse to check on you as frequently as possible- water leak, some other urgent maintenance issue- so you don't want to pout up a big red flag like this. The best you can do is to put out the do not disturb sign and put on the deadbolt. In case of emergency they have a tool to get past the deadbolt- they have to in case of fire or water leak or whatever.
