12 hours time until ctb by SN (goodbye thread)

[Chocomel]

Good luck, I hope you will find peace soon

 

[peacecomingsoon]

I'm sorry to hear this...
How do you think the police knows? Did you send goodbye texts?

They know because I live with family still and I've done this before in the past (gone missing before a suicide/ctb attempt). I sent a text to one of my parents too maybe an hour after I was gone saying something along the lines of I'm not (where I was last at) anymore, don't try to search for me and I won't respond to anymore calls or texts.

This may have been a bad idea in retrospect but I would've very likely been reported missing regardless. I have my actual notes physically next to me, didn't want to send them online as would cause even more concern.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Hey, sorry for what you are going through. How are you doing and feeling at this point? Sending love.

 

[peacecomingsoon]

Hey, sorry for what you are going through. How are you doing and feeling at this point? Sending love.

thank you. I'm still doing okay. I took one dose of paracetamol earlier because both my head and stomach were killing me. I think the fast was too long (12 hours), and I ate too little before I started it. Feeling a bit better now.

Nerves are getting stronger though, I'm feeling some hesitation, but also feeling trapped. I know I need to go through with this. Water fast has already begun since 30 mins.

 

[Macedonian1987]

I hope it all goes well for you. If you are having second thoughts about all of this there is no shame in postponing it.

 

[death over slavery]

I wish you all the peace
Screw the local authorities and the system!

 

[FadingSnowFake]

thank you. I'm still doing okay. I took one dose of paracetamol earlier because both my head and stomach were killing me. I think the fast was too long (12 hours), and I ate too little before I started it. Feeling a bit better now.

Nerves are getting stronger though, I'm feeling some hesitation, but also feeling trapped. I know I need to go through with this. Water fast has already begun since 30 mins.

What are you thinking about, if you want to share? Or doing to pass the time? I hope in feeling trapped you don't feel forced. Wishing you peace, whichever way the journey leads

 

[peacecomingsoon]

I hope it all goes well for you. If you are having second thoughts about all of this there is no shame in postponing it.

thank you very much… I think I'm at the point of no return honestly as I know I'll very likely be hospitalised if I back out now. And I've fasted for so long already. Feeling dizzy even without the SN from it and probably nerves.

I truly don't think I could postpone it even if I decided/wanted to. For now, I may postpone the exact time I drink SN by a bit just because definitely feeling nervous. But, I don't see myself doing it on another day. This is my only shot.

What are you thinking about, if you want to share? Or doing to pass the time? I hope in feeling trapped you don't feel forced. Wishing you peace, whichever way the journey leads

Honestly I'm not really thinking about too much, I feel so tired. I'm just listening to music and laying in bed, nearly falling asleep sometimes or relaxing. I'd rather not have many distractions at this point, just concentrate on the moment and think through everything before the final act.

I admit I do feel somewhat forced, both because of the hotel's 48 hour cancellation policy, which when it expired I couldn't postpone the date any longer without losing funds and now with police looking for me… I don't really have much of a choice. I still remain in my decision to ctb right now though. Hoping I can continue to remain somewhat certain as the time nears closer and closer. It feels so close now, time is going faster.


I've now taken the 1000mg paracetamol, approx 1 hour away from time now (delayed a little).

Crying a bit finally, some tears of both regret and sadness for what could have been but also relief that this is all going to hopefully end soon. Will update once I start mixing SN solution too :)

 

[tzon]

Best of luck. May you find the peace you seek.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find the relief you search for, I wish you the best.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

thank you very much… I think I'm at the point of no return honestly as I know I'll very likely be hospitalised if I back out now. And I've fasted for so long already. Feeling dizzy even without the SN from it and probably nerves.

I truly don't think I could postpone it even if I decided/wanted to. For now, I may postpone the exact time I drink SN by a bit just because definitely feeling nervous. But, I don't see myself doing it on another day. This is my only shot.

Honestly I'm not really thinking about too much, I feel so tired. I'm just listening to music and laying in bed, nearly falling asleep sometimes or relaxing. I'd rather not have many distractions at this point, just concentrate on the moment and think through everything before the final act.

I admit I do feel somewhat forced, both because of the hotel's 48 hour cancellation policy, which when it expired I couldn't postpone the date any longer without losing funds and now with police looking for me… I don't really have much of a choice. I still remain in my decision to ctb right now though. Hoping I can continue to remain somewhat certain as the time nears closer and closer. It feels so close now, time is going faster.


I've now taken the 1000mg paracetamol, approx 1 hour away from time now (delayed a little).

Crying a bit finally, some tears of both regret and sadness for what could have been but also relief that this is all going to hopefully end soon. Will update once I start mixing SN solution too :)

I hope you find peace and calm within. The choice is yours, whichever way

 

[woofwag]

Hey, I don't know you, but I read this whole thread. I truly hope that you're able to find peace, whether you back out or not (although you seem to be really going through with this). I'm wishing you the best of luck friend <3 rest well

 

[39hatsune]

i came back to check on you, have you taken the sn yet? its never too late to change your mind, even with everyone looking for you
though i wish you peace no matter what happens

 

[Bimbosqualo]

I wish you peace and rest. I hope it will be an easy and swift journey.

 

[kouna]

Seems like a plan well-thought!
Godspeed!

 

[peacecomingsoon]

Hey everyone, in a moment of panic/SI I unfortunately contacted a helpline and was kept on the phone for a long time. Luckily, I did not provide any personal details of where I was and they should not be able to locate me… Massive mistake and although the counsellor was nice and friendly, I guess they can never help anyways.

This is so much more delayed than expected and I plan to take my antacids very shortly now. Here is one cup of SN already dissolving and another full just now.

i came back to check on you, have you taken the sn yet? its never too late to change your mind, even with everyone looking for you
though i wish you peace no matter what happens

Yes… I'm considering and have considered to change my mind honestly. It felt so rushed with the hotel booking and I fear regretting my decision. But, if I turn back now, I'll most definitely be hospitalised and taken there by police. I'm scared but know this is likely necessary. I feel so trapped.

Hoping I'll be able to go through with it. After all, the SN is already out now and dissolving. Thank you so much for your kind words, it means a lot truly.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Hey everyone, in a moment of panic/SI I unfortunately contacted a helpline and was kept on the phone for a long time. Luckily, I did not provide any personal details of where I was and they should not be able to locate me… Massive mistake and although the counsellor was nice and friendly, I guess they can never help anyways.

This is so much more delayed than expected and I plan to take my antacids very shortly now. Here is one cup of SN already dissolving and another full just now.

Yes… I'm considering and have considered to change my mind honestly. It felt so rushed with the hotel booking and I fear regretting my decision. But, if I turn back now, I'll most definitely be hospitalised and taken there by police. I'm scared but know this is likely necessary. I feel so trapped.

Hoping I'll be able to go through with it. After all, the SN is already out now and dissolving. Thank you so much for your kind words, it means a lot truly.

If you feel rushed, maybe the timing is not quite right? Are you still here? Sending love either way

 

[srilankanbeyotch]

Hey everyone, in a moment of panic/SI I unfortunately contacted a helpline and was kept on the phone for a long time. Luckily, I did not provide any personal details of where I was and they should not be able to locate me… Massive mistake and although the counsellor was nice and friendly, I guess they can never help anyways.

This is so much more delayed than expected and I plan to take my antacids very shortly now. Here is one cup of SN already dissolving and another full just now.

Yes… I'm considering and have considered to change my mind honestly. It felt so rushed with the hotel booking and I fear regretting my decision. But, if I turn back now, I'll most definitely be hospitalised and taken there by police. I'm scared but know this is likely necessary. I feel so trapped.

Hoping I'll be able to go through with it. After all, the SN is already out now and dissolving. Thank you so much for your kind words, it means a lot truly.

Just know you can still back out if youre still unsure. It doesnt have to be today but the choice is still yours.

 

[peacecomingsoon]

If you feel rushed, maybe the timing is not quite right? Are you still here? Sending love either way

I know… I just won't have another opportunity after today. I'm sure of it or at least not for a very long time of supervision and forced treatment after. I'm out of funds too to book another hotel for another day… thank you so much though and I plan to taste the SN soon to see the effects at first, lessen SI and then drink it like a shot after. I really appreciate the support :), I think the helpline counsellor got to me a little doubt wise.

 

[rearden]

My first NaNo2 attempt was September last year. I have also panicked and I called the help line. I consented to a 2 week therapy in a psychiatric hospital, which accomplished sweet FA - as I have expected. My next attempt is gonna be soon, definitely before the Valentine's day. Anyway, I wish you strength - whatever you'll use it for.

 

[EternalSkies]

Please don't do it if you're not sure today is the right day

 

[rozeske]

Im so sorry for what you're going through. I felt every bit of your pain through this. I understand what you must be feeling. I too went through something similar not long ago and couldn't handle it so had to postpone to a day I'd feel more at ease. It's okay if you want to postpone, It may not seem like it now but the bus isn't going anywhere if you don't feel up to it for now. Can you maybe tell everyone you needed some me time to relax and clear your mind if you don't want the treatment..

 

[FadingSnowFake]

I know… I just won't have another opportunity after today. I'm sure of it or at least not for a very long time of supervision and forced treatment after. I'm out of funds too to book another hotel for another day… thank you so much though and I plan to taste the SN soon to see the effects at first, lessen SI and then drink it like a shot after. I really appreciate the support :), I think the helpline counsellor got to me a little doubt wise.

Just tasting could be lethal or dangerous too, please be sure and careful.

 

[huifu]

don't feel pressured if you think it's not the right time, we will support you either way ❤

 

[peacecomingsoon]

thank you everyone, the support means so much to me. I managed to finally taste some SN and drank perhaps 1/4 of it. It is extremely damn salty. I will try to drink the rest shortly too and monitor my effects from no onwards :)

 

[rozeske]

Drinking sn sparingly is really not a good idea but I hope you find the peace we all crave.

 

[peacecomingsoon]

thank you everyone, the support means so much to me. I managed to finally taste some SN and drank perhaps 1/4 of it. It is extremely damn salty. I will try to drink the rest shortly too and monitor my effects from no onwards :)

It's now been nearly 10 minutes and heart is racing. I think it's most likely anxiety though. Feeling a bit nauseous too but nothing too bad. Head starting to hurt more too, but may just be my previous headache and due to fasting.

Drinking sn sparingly is really not a good idea but I hope you find the peace we all crave.

I know… it was so daunting to drink the entire cup though so will be drinking more shortly now that I know what it tastes like.

 

[huifu]

i really hope everything goes well for you, you did well, you deserve to find peace, i hope the music can soothe you to sleep

 

[rozeske]

I know… it was so daunting to drink the entire cup though so will be drinking more shortly now that I know what it tastes like.

Wishing you the best and keeping you in my thoughts now that you've taken it..

 

[Wishingforadream]

It's now been nearly 10 minutes and heart is racing. I think it's most likely anxiety though. Feeling a bit nauseous too but nothing too bad. Head starting to hurt more too, but may just be my previous headache and due to fasting.

I know… it was so daunting to drink the entire cup though so will be drinking more shortly now that I know what it tastes like.

Wishing you the best! I hope everything goes well