12 hours time until ctb by SN (goodbye thread)

[v0id]

It's now been nearly 10 minutes and heart is racing. I think it's most likely anxiety though. Feeling a bit nauseous too but nothing too bad. Head starting to hurt more too, but may just be my previous headache and due to fasting.

I know… it was so daunting to drink the entire cup though so will be drinking more shortly now that I know what it tastes lik

i read the whole thread. we're the same age, and i know similar things to what you're feeling so well. i hope you finally achieve peace, op.

 

[39hatsune]

Hey everyone, in a moment of panic/SI I unfortunately contacted a helpline and was kept on the phone for a long time. Luckily, I did not provide any personal details of where I was and they should not be able to locate me… Massive mistake and although the counsellor was nice and friendly, I guess they can never help anyways.

This is so much more delayed than expected and I plan to take my antacids very shortly now. Here is one cup of SN already dissolving and another full just now.

Yes… I'm considering and have considered to change my mind honestly. It felt so rushed with the hotel booking and I fear regretting my decision. But, if I turn back now, I'll most definitely be hospitalised and taken there by police. I'm scared but know this is likely necessary. I feel so trapped.

Hoping I'll be able to go through with it. After all, the SN is already out now and dissolving. Thank you so much for your kind words, it means a lot truly.

if you have even the smallest doubt, i think its worth trying to live again

we are all here for you ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

 

[Bimbosqualo]

We're here for you but did you drink the whole glass? How are you feeling now?

 

[kouna]

Keep us updated.... if possible of course
I reckon peace has come for @peacecomingsoon

Good bye Aussie!

 

[ipmanwc0]

I hope they succeeded, I really felt like they gave too many tips to the police, might be in a ward instead

 

[A_Spartan_Dead]

hey op :) wishing you peace. curious to ask if you could drop your source for sn? trying to look for a decent source in AUS that doesn't check for licencing. even if its by dm to not expose and keep it safe? thanks :) if not thats fine

Can I please also get this info? I've been searching for ages.

 

[interna]

i hope theyre at peace now

 

[Realog11]

I am yeah. I just woke from a short nap before. Listening to my last music/songs playlist while I wait.

I did though get contacted by police not long ago, never replied though and ended up blocking the number instead. The officer who contacted me is also in my home city, not the city I'm in currently so I think I'm okay and they probably don't know where I am (fingers crossed)… In about 1 hour or a bit longer I'll begin my water fast (2 hours before ctb) and then 1 hour after that paracetamol. Will keep everyone updated :)

What medicine are you taking with the sn

 

[A_Spartan_Dead]

I know… I just won't have another opportunity after today. I'm sure of it or at least not for a very long time of supervision and forced treatment after. I'm out of funds too to book another hotel for another day… thank you so much though and I plan to taste the SN soon to see the effects at first, lessen SI and then drink it like a shot after. I really appreciate the support :), I think the helpline counsellor got to me a little doubt wise.

It's ok to back out of it if you don't feel ready.
If you have gone already...
Wishing you the best Great Journey,
Beyond all pain, fear and death,
May you find the peace and serenity,
Your bravery remembered

 

[nitrogenous]

Hey mate, just checking in on ya. Hope whichever direction you end up going, you will be able to go through everything. It's not a mistake to call helpline. I've done it too and it can certainly feel very daunting. Sometimes our mind is just that unstable and uncertain. Just so you know, we all here are proud of you for your bravery, kindness and support. You have achieved a lot and I wish you luck in whichever direction you end up going.

 

[woofwag]

I hope they succeeded, I really felt like they gave too many tips to the police, might be in a ward instead

Whatever happens happens. I don't think if it's appropriate to "hope they succeeded" in killing themself. It's a very personal decision. I think maybe it's just better to hope that whatever decision they ended up making, it was one that they are at peace with. I know I certainly hope that for them.

Farewell stranger, whether it be temporary to a ward or off to rest. I will think of you even if we never talked.

 

[srilankanbeyotch]

either of two things is happening now, he got found and now in hospital or he's in a peaceful state.

 

[darksouls]

It's now been nearly 10 minutes and heart is racing. I think it's most likely anxiety though. Feeling a bit nauseous too but nothing too bad. Head starting to hurt more too, but may just be my previous headache and due to fasting.

I know… it was so daunting to drink the entire cup though so will be drinking more shortly now that I know what it tastes like.

best of luck and safe travels

 

[flying_penguien]

I hope you changed your mind, if you don't feel like doing, don't, it wont have to feel rushed, you can always postpone, calibrate your thoughts,
please update us if you're ok

 

[TearStainedSunsets]

hey everyone again. Just posting my final thread here, 12 hours before my planned ctb time (12am, located in Australia). I'll be going by SN >99% purity and in a hotel in a different city. I should be leaving for the hotel shortly, have already packed my bag and things. About to change into my chosen clothes now and have printed my note to family already too. Feeling nervous now, but also so relieved that today is finally the day. It's a difficult decision, but it's looking like things will work out and everything is going to plan so far.

My protocol (previously posted too) is here:
- 20 SN 99% purity (10g each cup, I'm light, sensitive to substances and don't mind it taking a bit longer)
- Mylanta/antacid (double dose of what is recommended on label)
- Paracetamol 1000mg

1. Fast for 8-12 hours (likely 12 hrs, from 12pm onward)
2. Two hours before, stop drinking liquids (10pm)
3. One hour before, 1000mg paracetamol (11pm)
4. Forty minutes before, begin dissolving SN into both cups in 50-100ml water (10g per cup, two cups)
5. Fifteen minutes before, antacid double dose (11:45pm)
6. Put note outside hotel room door to 'call police if I don't answer the door at checkout time, do not enter' (11:50pm)
7. Lock hotel room door and barricade with chairs/desk/furniture (police will be looking for me and could find me - is this required, to barricade?)
8. Listen to final chosen songs and drink SN solution, lay back on chair or bed and relax (12am)
9. Potentially chew on gum afterward and bring mouthwash to reduce the aftertaste

I begin fasting in 25 minutes approximately and it's starting to all feel real. This is really happening, I can hardly believe it actually. I feel so calm though. Sometimes, my heart starts to beat a little fast, realising what's about to come into action, but mostly I'm clear-headed. Honestly even though I'm quite young (19), I feel I've lived for too long already. Like I have nothing in common with others my age and wasn't made for this world. This makes me even more certain that the only way out of all this pain is death. Because even when I'm well mentally and not depressed, I don't have meaning or a purpose or feel any fulfillment in my life. Right now, I am depressed and it has become even more obvious that my suicide was always inevitable and the only permanent solution to all this. I'm so glad that I get to choose and have the ability to end this relentless cycle of yearly depressive episodes and pain. The treatments, medications, therapy, it all doesn't help and if you actually want 'real' help, it's expensive and inaccessible. Along with taking so much effort, energy and motivation which I do not have. The forced hospital admissions and forced medications certainly don't help either and I'm tired of it all and this broken system. I just can't go on like this anymore and I want it to stop. I want everything to stop and can't take it any longer.

So, I want to thank everyone once more here at SaSu, it's been really special, being part of this community before ctb and has meant a lot. This community is so kind, helpful and accepting. The wealth of resources and knowledge here provide people in pain the information to be able to pass peacefully and I appreciate this very much. I hope this has meant something to someone or any of my contributions here really, and will continue to post updates about my journey over the next 12 hours here too. Hopefully I will be at peace soon. :)

I hope you find your very much deserved peace and I hope everything goes exactly as it should, whatever that may be.
I hope the stars align for you and you receive rest. Goodbye friend. <3

 

[A_Spartan_Dead]

I hope you find your very much deserved peace and I hope everything goes exactly as it should, whatever that may be.
I hope the stars align for you and you receive rest. Goodbye friend. <3

Love your footer TearStainedSunsets

 

[TearStainedSunsets]

Love your footer TearStainedSunsets

Thank you!!! <3

 

[Unlucky777]

Hey man, I hope you are here still and if not then I hope you found your peace .

It was nice talking to you briefly.

 

[Realog11]

Hey man, I hope you are here still and if not then I hope you found your peace .

It was nice talking to you briefly.

same