Method Buying SN today

[tiredangelgirl]

I'd like to share some music with you, if you would like to hear it. Yes, I'm becoming sentimental. Fight me!

This is Townes Van Zandt, a Fort Worth boy, born to a wealthy family. He was a celebrated singer/songwriter who was a a finger-picker and a crooner. His songs were covered by some of the greats.
His voice is magic. He died from DTs, in 1997. He had Bi-Polar disorder and tried to self-medicate with alcohol. It didn't work.


Didn't realized until I posted that pic that there's a half smoked bowl in there! "Hey cops, I got it from somebody else! It's not mine!"

I love the song, i'll be listening to him for the next few weeks now. thanks for the recommendation! I just ordered my sn earlier today and I feel extremely calm and good about it. I hope I don't chicken out or get nervous when it arrives. i'm worried about how the process will go because I feel like I haven't had a clear, step by step description of how it's going to go. I get bad anxiety so i'm going to try to get xanex beforehand. How are you feeling about it?

 

[LikeAPendulum]

Wait, so is IC now more trustworthy than CCS?

 

[umjammertranner]

I just want to say reading this thread that you sound like a kind and wonderful lady, you seem like the type of person I would love to have a conversation with and just chill talking about life, the song you posted was beautiful

If youre lonely and want to talk more personally please feel free to DM me

 

[LateForTheBus]

You are so kind. I hope to see them again; the fact that Mark saw Kristen twice in his last days gives me that hope. That was before he was in hospice and on the "heavy hitters," liquid Morphine and Methadone, so it wasn't an opiate-induced hallucination. When he was discharged form his 6-day stay in the heart-wing, where we received his devastating cancer diagnosis, those cruel doctors sent him home with a script for 10 of the lowest-dose hydrocodones, knowing they weren't even touching his pain.

They made sure to load him up with beta-blockers and meds for high blood pressure, as if that was a concern of ours. I'm convinced they were salty because he opted for hospice and palliative care. Because he was only 50, they expected him to be thrilled with the prospect of a 10-day cycle of Whole Brain Radiation, followed by chemotherapy for the kidney, adrenal and lung cancer. All for a prognosis of 2-6 months, if he was lucky. As you can see, I'm still furious with them.

I lost my entire world, my dog, to cancer 6 months ago. All I want is to be reunited with her. I have felt her visit me since she passed, so I have high hopes that I will see her again soon.

I'm so sorry to hear how the doctors treated Mark. I had one get salty with me years ago for refusing a particularly painful treatment. My body healed on its one without it, and he refused to even look at me. Doctors can be b*astards sometimes. (Hugs)

 

[nonialabaster]

thanks for the music. i can feel your sadness, a bit, through it. im not long for this world either

weed is recommended in the PPH for SN method, as an AE and antianxiety. i personally have a bit of xanax, and i dont wanna be high on weed when i catch the bus. if i could give you some on my xanax i would

how old is your daughter? will you feel sad for leaving her?

I'm glad you liked it. I'm not a musician, but I lived with one long enough to become one by proxy. Mark used to play etudes every morning, which woke me up to gentle guitar. Once I was up and dressed, he'd plug in his amp and start ripping it on one of his electrics, while I made us breakfast. He'd make up silly songs, describing what I chose to cook. I'd sing back to him, with some bullshit like. "I've got some jalapenos, but no onions!" He'd sing back, "Lordy bring her some onions!" Funny thing was, neither of us had a strong Texas accent, until we moved to North Texas. But my accent sounds just like Townes' did. I've embraced it. Why fight it?

It would go on and on. Then, we'd have our breakfast and Mark would take his walk and I would go to work. He went to work later than I did.

My daughter is 35, a product of my first marriage. I will not feel sad for leaving her. She is a classic Narcissist and cannot feel empathy. She has made my husband's death all about her. He was her step-father. Clare did the same thing, when my mother died. Wrote the obit, plastered the funeral home with pictures of herself, insisted on doing the eulogy. I wasn't able to attend my mom's funeral. I had just had surgery the day before and couldn't fly out there. Clare rubs it in my face, every time I talk to her. I've cut off contact, so that won't be an issue, anymore.

Sorry to be long-winded, but that's where I'm at, in these last days. I'm re-living experiences, some good, some bad. You have all been such a good support for me. I truly appreciate it.

 

[Foxes]

He'd make up silly songs, describing what I chose to cook. I'd sing back to him, with some bullshit like. "I've got some jalapenos, but no onions!" He'd sing back, "Lordy bring her some onions!"

You are seriously one adorable lady. I love your stories and posts, they bring a much needed smile to my face. Definitely going to be missed around here. Mark sounds like he was an equally awesome partner in life and I can see why you're eager to be reunited with him again. Hope you've been having a good day (well, as good as it can get anyway) so far.

 

[nonialabaster]

You are seriously one adorable lady. I love your stories and posts, they bring a much needed smile to my face. Definitely going to be missed around here. Mark sounds like he was an equally awesome partner in life and I can see why you're eager to be reunited with him again. Hope you've been having a good day (well, as good as it can get anyway) so far.

You are a sweetheart! Thank you for your kind words; they mean the world to me. No snark intended.

Mark and I used to have a phrase about what we'd do on our days off. He called it, "Tellin' Tales and Singin' Songs," and he'd say it it the worst Texas twang you'd ever hear. Granted, Mark and I were highly educated and only slipped into the Texas accent because we were kind of lazy. I grew up in West Texas, where the accent is more of a drawl. Mark spent most of his life in the Dallas-area, where the accent is harsher, not drawly. When he was dying, at home, I sang to him. While he could still speak, he croaked out, "Tellin' Tales and Singin" Songs." And gave me a smile.

 

[Foxes]

When he was dying, at home, I sang to him. While he could still speak, he croaked out, "Tellin' Tales and Singin" Songs." And gave me a smile.

Freaking awwww. :')

 

[nonialabaster]

You are a sweetheart! Thank you for your kind words; they mean the world to me. No snark intended.

Mark and I used to have a phrase about what we'd do on our days off. He called it, "Tellin' Tales and Singin' Songs," and he'd say it it the worst Texas twang you'd ever hear. Granted, Mark and I were highly educated and only slipped into the Texas accent because we were kind of lazy. I grew up in West Texas, where the accent is more of a drawl. Mark spent most of his life in the Dallas-area, where the accent is harsher, not drawly. When he was dying, at home, I sang to him. While he could still speak, he croaked out, "Tellin' Tales and Singin" Songs." And gave me a smile.

I don't know if this will work, but I'm going to try to share a photo of Mark, because everyone needs to see his beauty.

Google Photos

Home for all your photos and videos, automatically organized and easy to share.

photos.google.com

I don't know if this will work, but I'm going to try to share a photo of Mark, because everyone needs to see his beauty.

Google Photos

Home for all your photos and videos, automatically organized and easy to share.

photos.google.com

He didn't always look like that, but I managed to capture that one during the start of the Plague, and we did nothing but eat, smoke weed and tend our garden.

 

[Foxes]

I don't know if this will work, but I'm going to try to share a photo of Mark, because everyone needs to see his beauty.

It sadly did not work

 

[nonialabaster]

It sadly did not work

There you go. Mark was a stickler for security, so probably set up a bunch of protections I don't have a clue about!

 

[Foxes]

Hahaha rock on Mark! Loving the headband and the bong hit lmao

 

[nonialabaster]

Hahaha rock on Mark! Loving the headband and the bong hit lmao

That photo is framed and on the wall in my den. I've had some friends tell me I could make a T-Shirt from it, but I didn't feel right about it.

You should have seen how long his hair got, throughout the Pandemic. He had beautiful, wavy dark hair, with bits of auburn.
Neither one of us could get our hair cut, for a year and a half! Wasn't a problem, we're old hippies/punks. Mark's got down to his waist! When he finally was able to see Diane, she spent a full 10 minutes, just running her fingers through it. Everyone enjoyed his hair, and, I'm sure, he enjoyed the attention.

 

[nonialabaster]

I just want to say reading this thread that you sound like a kind and wonderful lady, you seem like the type of person I would love to have a conversation with and just chill talking about life, the song you posted was beautiful

If youre lonely and want to talk more personally please feel free to DM me

Anytime, love. Except if I'm sleeping.

 

[tiredangelgirl]

mark seems so awesome. I wish I could've known you both in person. the world needs more people like the both of you

 

[depresso_expresso03]

Apologies if it's being a bother, but would you mind sending me a PM of your source? If so, thank you!

 

[inpursuitofpeace]

I'm stuck at this point, too. One day I will get to the point where I can PM and get all of the details.

Thanks for the info. I'll keep posting and see if I can get to the point where I can PM.

 

[nonialabaster]

Apologies if it's being a bother, but would you mind sending me a PM of your source? If so, thank you!

Post some more, react to posts. Some members say the Gaming thread is a good place to get your posts in. There's no magic number. Good luck, my friend.

mark seems so awesome. I wish I could've known you both in person. the world needs more people like the both of you

If all goes according to plan, we'll be flying around universes together soon, along with our little Kristen. We'll check in on you, and maybe stroke your back while you're sleeping. Kristen might give you a celestial head-butt.

 

[Yahwa]

I wish you a peaceful exit I'm too new to receive PMs so I guess that by the time I gain that ability you'll already have been reunited with your husband but thanks to you I at least know the acronym I'll be able to use when I will need to ask Best wishes!

 

[nonialabaster]

Jesus Christ! Fort Worth PDs Crisis Intervention Division just banged on my door, repeatedly. I opened the door and talked to the two, luckily female, cops. I have to say, they were very nice and helpful, but it scared the shit out of me, at first.
Whew! The last time somebody called in a welfare-check was 10 years ago, and there were five male officers, all with guns drawn, yelling at me to "Get down on the floor, hands raised!"

 

[depresso_expresso03]

Jesus Christ! Fort Worth PDs Crisis Intervention Division just banged on my door, repeatedly. I opened the door and talked to the two, luckily female, cops. I have to say, they were very nice and helpful, but it scared the shit out of me, at first.
Whew! The last time somebody called in a welfare-check was 10 years ago, and there were five male officers, all with guns drawn, yelling at me to "Get down on the floor, hands raised!"

It wasn't as a result of this site (or the SN order), was it? Or was it someone you know who did a welfare check? Like you mentioned someone had done years back. If you don't mind me asking, that is.

 

[nonialabaster]

Jesus Christ! Fort Worth PDs Crisis Intervention Division just banged on my door, repeatedly. I opened the door and talked to the two, luckily female, cops. I have to say, they were very nice and helpful, but it scared the shit out of me, at first.
Whew! The last time somebody called in a welfare-check was 10 years ago, and there were five male officers, all with guns drawn, yelling at me to "Get down on the floor, hands raised!"

These nice FWPD officers were very helpful. They didn't come into my house, nor demand to. They asked me the usual questions, "Do you have a plan, a gun?" stuff like that. I live in Texas, so, it's assumed everyone has at least one gun in the house! I don't have one. I'm afraid of them!

They gave me their cards and urged me to call them, if I needed to talk to someone.

It wasn't as a result of this site (or the SN order), was it? Or was it someone you know who did a welfare check? Like you mentioned someone had done years back. If you don't mind me asking, that is.

I think it was my daughter. Or, possibly my dad. Both of them live far away from me (Texas is a big state!), but, the officers wouldn't tell me who called it in. I'm just glad the didn't show up with the sirens and blue lights.

 

[tiredangelgirl]

Jesus Christ! Fort Worth PDs Crisis Intervention Division just banged on my door, repeatedly. I opened the door and talked to the two, luckily female, cops. I have to say, they were very nice and helpful, but it scared the shit out of me, at first.
Whew! The last time somebody called in a welfare-check was 10 years ago, and there were five male officers, all with guns drawn, yelling at me to "Get down on the floor, hands raised!"

ugh i'm so sorry I know that was probably horrible and scary for you. I hope the best for your family's healing and acceptance after you ctb.

are you still feeling solid and okay about your plan? I personally feel like my family has it in the back of their heads so it won't be a huge shock to them. I feel like they've been subconsciously waiting for it for years.

 

[nonialabaster]

ugh i'm so sorry I know that was probably horrible and scary for you. I hope the best for your family's healing and acceptance after you ctb.

are you still feeling solid and okay about your plan? I personally feel like my family has it in the back of their heads so it won't be a huge shock to them. I feel like they've been subconsciously waiting for it for years.

Oh, yeah. Nothing has changed. I know what you mean about your family knowing. I'm sure mine does, too. How they'll deal with it is up to them, though.

I actually got a call from my dad today. I'd tried one more time to call him. It went straight to voicemail, like it always does. He called back a couple of minutes later. He sounded very tired. He's been looking after his mother (my Grandmommy), who is 101! She still lives alone, but has been in hospice care at home for more than a month. He's moving her to a nursing home tomorrow, but he hasn't been able to tell her. He's an only child, so this has been hard for him. I was glad to talk to him. Of course, I didn't tell him my plan, but I did ask him if he was the one who called in the welfare check. It wasn't him, but he immediately assumed it was Clare (my daughter.) Dad told me to just block her from my phone, which I've done.

I'm pretty sure it was Clare, trying to exact some petty revenge on me. She's like that. She probably thought I had weed in the house, and the cops, swarming the place, would find it and throw me in jail. Joke's on her! I'm weedless, and the cops were part of the Crisis Intervention Division and two very nice female officers who didn't even ask to come inside! I was, and still am, shocked to find out that a Texas police department had such a thing. Fort Worth cops have a decent reputation, among Texas cops. Still bad, but I can tell you, Arlington cops have the worst reputation in the state. Still scared the shit out of me, but better than having guns drawn on me by hulking, screaming men in combat gear!