Venting bitching abt dysphoria again

[dental]

i wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy. i would do fucking anything to be cis. i genuinely dont know how i could ever want to keep living when living means being trapped in this disgusting body that isnt mine. im always either belittled and infantilized and not taken seriously, or im seen as a fucking freak who is nothing but an easy target for any and all assault: verbal, physical, sexual. i cant get the images and memories of those things out of my head: theyre burned into my brain, and thats just another thing that makes me need to claw myself out of my own skin. i saw a photo of myself earlier and it sent me into an agonizing spiral of self-hatred, which caused me to relapse hard with self-harm. i now have an embarrassing amount of deep cuts on both my thighs as if im a teenager again. i never outgrew this i guess.

things like this remind me that i really am unable to cope with life, especially when so many of my problems come from my own completely internal experience even before factoring in the rest of the world. literally just my own brain is too much for me to deal with. fuck i wish it would just stop working in my sleep.

 

[takeyourshotfunboy]

I get it, I literally can't go outside because I live in a small town where I get harassed every time I go out in public and the most frustrating thing is that everyone thinks it's all in my head and I'm making it up because of my severe social anxiety, as if my social anxiety isn't a result of being treated like the Elephant Man for years. The other week this woman confronted me and asked if I was a man in the woman's bathroom. This is the third time that it's happened. I'm autistic, trans, and covered in self harm scars and being alternative in a suburban town certainly doesn't help. Normal people are literally unable to comprehend the amount of bullying that I've gone through, they think that everyone is nice by nature because that's their experience. Of course when being yourself has never caused you to become the object of ridicule, you'd think that I should just "be myself." I realized a long time ago that I had to make the choice between living an authentic life and living a life worth living.

 

[goodoldnoname923]

Hey look i know its nowhere near the same but i'm genderfulid myself and I can't tell you how often i would've wished or imagined to be born as the opposite gender or being even reincarnated as such

Dysphoria is a horrid mistress especially given the world doesn't fully accept the trans community and it sickens me,i'm aware there is complications that can happen with surgery but how hard is it to affirm someones gender?

Like yourself i suffer with autism so social anxiety and shyiness is bad enough already without having to deal with the social stresses of being in the incorrect body

I hope one day you can find rhe support you clearly need feel somewhat more comfortable in yourself and have the love you deserve

 

[ToastInTheShell]

I feel the same. The self-hatred I feel just looking in the mirror is enough to make me relapse. Fighting off both the hatred and the SH urges is super difficult. I'm so sorry you're suffering so much, you don't deserve any of this.

I hope that one day you find peace, whether in death or in life <3