Are you not afraid?

[Jai]

Most certainly afraid first attempt was by handgun I.positive I'd have no trouble loaded the gun finished copious amounts of alcohol went to the garden put the gun to my head and literally at the last millisecond an overwhelming fear came out of nowhere I was shaking and but the gun down I calmed down talk myself out of it and I told myself I could try again it would be months till I did

 

[lost illusions]

Its a ballsy thing to do. That last moment before you do it will be a mixture of emotions, scared will probably be one, there's no coming back.**

Been there before, then a whole crap more emotions if you fail

 

[deathoverlife]

I'm not afraid to attempt. I'm not afraid to die. I've almost made it 2x.
I guess I'm most afraid of failing again.

am scared to fail as well..thsi would be my first attempt and i cannot fail at any cost.

 

[Duqu]

I am not afraid because of the method I will be using. Taking a few capsules is easy and a no brainer. I even have pills to make me sleep through the whole process so I don't even think about possible pain because I will be unconscious. Back when I was thinking about killing myself with SN I couldn't stop thinking about the possible pain and I couldn't handle it, now all my worries are gone. If I fail I will simply try again in the same way and I will succeed.

That's how I'm taking my SN too; packing it into 00 gel capsules. I don't want to risk throwing it up from the dissolved SN in water being too salty/nasty (I have a terrible gag reflex yaaay bulimia!). So I'm taking a bunch of meto and zofran and klonopin and opioids about an hour before then take the pills with SN and hopefully will just fall asleep!

ETA and about the thread subject
I'm fucking terrified of dying. I guess I'm an atheist/agnostic but grew up in a strict church environment where suicide = hell forever and I still have a little of that floating around in my head. Plus the idea of simply "not existing" freaks me out a LOT. I know it'd happen someday even if I didn't CTB (which I will, eventually, I do NOT want to get older) but still. Just can't wrap my brain around it.

 

[Shay]

That's how I'm taking my SN too; packing it into 00 gel capsules. I don't want to risk throwing it up from the dissolved SN in water being too salty/nasty (I have a terrible gag reflex yaaay bulimia!). So I'm taking a bunch of meto and zofran and klonopin and opioids about an hour before then take the pills with SN and hopefully will just fall asleep!

ETA and about the thread subject
I'm fucking terrified of dying. I guess I'm an atheist/agnostic but grew up in a strict church environment where suicide = hell forever and I still have a little of that floating around in my head. Plus the idea of simply "not existing" freaks me out a LOT. I know it'd happen someday even if I didn't CTB (which I will, eventually, I do NOT want to get older) but still. Just can't wrap my brain around it.

Do the capsules take more time to digest and work? Capsules seem like a good idea but would my survival instinct cause me to have time to make myself throw up if I get scared

 

[Pastdue]

I used to be like you, I feel like it means you aren't entirely still have some hope life will get better.

10 years on and its like 'get my shit together and get out as things can only get worse', practically desperate to die.

Then again a lifetime of aspergers and then your bladder falling out through your vagina will do that to you.

 

[-OneLastWhiskey]

I don't fear death. I fear failing most of all. And my poor mother will be left behind so broken. I can't imagine putting my pain on her shoulders but then again I can't imagine going on for much longer either.

But I'd say the consequences and the possibility of failing are way more scary than death itself.

 

[bunny]

i fear becoming a vegetable

 

[Revok]

I'm afraid of it being really painful or failing.

I guess I should be able to man up and endure a few moments of potential suffering for an eternity of peace, but I suppose I am weak in that way and want my final moments to be somewhat peaceful.

 

[TAW122]

I would say, I am afraid to an extent, but am more afraid of failing and ending up with a worse quality of life (being a vegetable, in a coma, even more physically and mentally disabled (brain damage)). The best I could do is to muster enough courage such that dying is much more pleasant than living, which is when coping and other second thoughts, doubts, questions are gone. Only then would I (psychologically) be ready to go through. Now also, I'm in the process of procuring my method (will be a firearm) so I'm just waiting for the conditions to be right and then spring into action.

 

[crova]

Im only afraid to fail executing my departure doing something silly in my last minute.

 

[Lunar]

The failing part as others have mentioned is the most terrifying part I think. This fear of ending up in more pain and not being able to make another attempt, being trapped with no escape. I however have felt the planning so far to be calming and it gives me a sense of peace which is something I haven't felt for as long as I can remember. It's a sense of control over my life that I feel I don't have in other areas of this thing called existence.

 

[undertherainbow]

I grew up in a creepy religious cultish family who looked forward to dying so I never had a fear of it. Now, I do not believe in an afterlife of any sort but I still welcome death. Its beautiful.

 

[Morning Angel]

I am not afraid of failure. I know my method is not likely to fail. I am only nervous about the last 2 minutes of consciousness.

 

[iiii5555]

Yaeh, i am also afraid of failing, as everyone else here seens to be too. However, i think what is most terrifying to me (besides the possibility of getting paraplegic and/or brain damaged) is the fact that my survival instincts could kick in at any time and make my subconscious mind feel that awful, primordial sense of regret.

That's a shame i don't have a gun yet. I wouldn't be able to want to go back after pulling the trigger.

 

[Jovaras]

Not afraid at all, but sad for the people my death will hurt