DignifiedGrave
GrinderofSouls
- Jul 5, 2026
- 140
I feel crazy now. I feel- aversion. The rest is distance, deep solitude in lack of attachment. Nothing is real.
Or so it seems, and other times im the only real
Reality testing; is it okay for this to break down? Can God permit me? If the final attachment shatters, I can muster the strength...
I want to go so bad... Ive gotten worse since my last recorded attempt. My disassociation is so bad ive started to experience involuntary muscle movements and grimacing and I frequently have spells of fast heavy breathing. My state is worse. I feel crazy, I feel im in a haze, a cloud of inescapable distress. I don't know what to do. I can do nothing. I want more than ever to die, so why cant I overcome this damned survival instinct? I feel stuck, I feel punished, I feel ive failed. I need to rest
Or so it seems, and other times im the only real
Reality testing; is it okay for this to break down? Can God permit me? If the final attachment shatters, I can muster the strength...
I want to go so bad... Ive gotten worse since my last recorded attempt. My disassociation is so bad ive started to experience involuntary muscle movements and grimacing and I frequently have spells of fast heavy breathing. My state is worse. I feel crazy, I feel im in a haze, a cloud of inescapable distress. I don't know what to do. I can do nothing. I want more than ever to die, so why cant I overcome this damned survival instinct? I feel stuck, I feel punished, I feel ive failed. I need to rest
