Are you able to mask your suicidality?

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

My mask is fucking excellent, even if I do say so myself
Practice. Which is sad.
I'm at my most suicidal now & probably the least depressed I've ever been. Separate things.
I don't recommend masking permanently like me though - it is next level exhausting.
Really nothing like it - the amount of effort to hide physical & mental health issues is like running 12 marathons. Every damn day.
And then so hard to take off, even if you want to.
It comes down to how necessary it is, maybe??

 

[wCvML2]

Not sure. I'm definitely dysfunctional and not hiding it well like barely keeping up with cleaning my room or personal hygiene and doing nothing but go to work because I don't have a choice and then rot in my room staring into screens to distract myself from my own thoughts but I think people perceive me as lazy.

 

[Ironborn]

Hid it for over 10 years, only after a serious attempt did anyone suspect anything, even then I played it off as a drunken mistake, just have to be a bit more careful now but the mask is as solid as ever.

 

[ImTelling]

Nah, I think it's pretty obvious now. I'm leaning into it. My beard and hair is overgrown, I don't shower, I haven't brushed my teeth in literal years and they're rotting out of my head. I'm also missing a lot of work these days, waiting to be fired. I just lie in bed all day usually.

I think I'm pretty close to doing something.

 

[vadim]

I think so. I've never expressed it to anyone and no one's ever picked up on it and confronted me about it. But maybe people assume my failure to amount to anything is just because of my general uselessness, so they don't think to put it down to mental illness.

 

[enduringwinter]

Yeah I make a pretty good show of being functional and cheerful. It's all smoke and mirrors of course I literally can't do shit.

 

[dimgobaith]

I don't think anyone knows. Those who I mentioned it to just said I was being silly/stupid and didn't believe mw

 

[CantDoIt]

I am really bad at masking, I really admire people who are good at it, i think it shows a lot of strength. If anything I would rather try and hide it so people don't worry about me, I feel like it's another manifestation of selfishness or something.

 

[Berlin]

Mostly - I luckily have a boss who believes I have transport issues and use that to stay home when things get too much. WFH has been a nice way to hide it all. Although without WFH I would probably lose my job and be homeless and in a much worse situation.

 

[DOHARDTHINGS24]

Yeah I make a pretty good show of being functional and cheerful. It's all smoke and mirrors of course I literally can't do shit.

Can I change my answer to that please?
Word for word? Accurate. Thanks.

 

[username12345]

Common symptoms are usually little interest in anything, flat affect, distancing, unable to hold down a job or failing school, messy/ lack of hygiene.

Ive been trying so hard to keep it together while dealing with my mental illness, psychosis, and suicidal ideation. But i feel like the walls are crashing down slowly.

College is starting again and im literally a mess. I can barely manage to maintain proper hygiene, eat meals regularly, do homework, get to class on time and do other adult things like getting gas or pay bills. Yet i still put on a brave face and try to make it through eagh day like im normal

I dont know how much longer i can sustain myself. I dont want to become a neet but i also cant handle all these responsibilities. Im so stressed out.

Idk I overachieve in literally every job I have yet that's never enough for them. I also have my bills set to autopay. I have PTSD and I'm also trans and I guess just transitioned into a faggot cause now I'm getting homophobic jokes and being laughed at for that. Flat affect is part of PTSD and can cause you to be kind of monotone, so there's that. All the way back in high school one of my teachers used to pick on me literally everyday and make fun of my voice being monotone and would get the class to bully me, too. I didn't even really realize it was bullying at the time lol. It takes a while for me to understand what's going on sometimes.
I have always been shy and then with dealing with a lot of shit alone with being trans I have had an easy time medically transitioning, and a terrible time socially transitioning. I'm not good at eating sometimes, but it's not that I am intentionally starving myself. I also keep up with hygiene and I can be a little messy on worse days but I'm decent with cleanliness over all.

I think it just varies from person to person.

 

[badtothebone]

I'm masking this part because I can't be working with pts if I'm suicidal. Everyone know I'm in pain and I have some death wishes but was told it's normal. I talk with our psychiatric all the time he said suicide grief is painful but I still hiding my thoughts for now..

I wanna add that my sister knows I want to kill myself she just said " I know what you're going through is hard, you're not even living now" and kept on talking about the two children i have. She won't say anything I trust her

 

[iloveloving]

Yes, I don't want my family to know because it'll distress them. They have enough on their hands.

 

[Gstreater]

Not really, I hide my depression by being manic and forcing hyperactive behavior.

 

[nasigoreng99]

Tbh, it's really hard to even just function in bare minimum on daily basis. And the worst part, it's really difficult to find someone to talk about it and release the mental burden because most of people around me are pro-life and they don't understand what i have been through. I'm glad to find SaSu and reading threads and posts here making me feel not alone.

 

[Heartaches]

Sort of. I struggle with basic functions as well (hygiene, eating, sleeping, exercise) but I can still do somethings. Although, lately I've found myself struggling to even get out of bed. It depends on how deep it goes.

 

[Steff1337]

No, unfortunately I haven't been able to mask my suicidality, although I would prefer that until my final few days.

 

[revontulet]

I think i'm hiding it well. I don't want anyone to stress about it.

 

[plan c]

Yes! I mean... most of the times~

I'm kinda into dramas and stage performances and learned a bit of tricks.

I normally just take on the mindset of a fictional character or whoever I desire in order to conceal my emotions. Quite handy when it comes to hiding my thoughts of commiting suicide, among many other things in my head. (which sadly include my love for a girl. We were close friends and I was pretty certain she kinda liked me too, but yes I don't feel like meddling with her feelings now that I'm downed by mental breakdown.)

"Masquerade! Paper faces on parade. Masquerade, hide your face so the world will never find you."

 

[AnonThinker]

I mask daily from friends and housemates. Not that they'd care anyway. My sister doesn't care, she never even asks me how I'm doing. She just cares about herself, and if she wants something I hear from her. So f-her.

In 2014 I was so suicidal I knew the best ways to do it according to efficiency, pain, and what worked fastest and was least painful. My mom was the only person who noticed as I lived with her then. She got me out of that shitty village she lives in and back to where I'm living now. She paid for a new psychiatrist and meds. Then they retired and had no money so now I go to the government clinic for my sleeping meds (which are antipsychotics). I think about suicide daily, but you'd never know it. I can fake it with the best of them, and my friends will never now when I'm with them. I said the other day on chat I was sad because I missed my friend who died. Nobody answered or acknowledged my feelings. So I guess that proves there's no point in sharing with them.

My mom is the only person who cares about me. That's why I'll wait until she gone before I ctb. I can't ctb before she's gone, I can't do that her after she's been such an amazing mother to me. It was always her and I against the world.

 

[gayayi4811]

Not really, but nobody takes it seriously until there is a real attempt, or specific talk about details on accessible methods, I think.

 

[FoxSauce]

Mostly comes and goes in my case but if i feel suicidal i just make jokes relating to that. Try to the things i have to do cuz yknow "responsibilities"and what not.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

I conceal nearly every part of myself from those around me, so lying point-blank about being suicidal actually comes pretty easy now.
Any time I'm asked "are you feeling suicidal," (such as from therapists, since I know they're required to ask that question), I can confidently say "no." It almost scares me how good I've gotten at lying about it.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Yeah, I'd say that I can mask it pretty well. It's probably one of the few things I'm good at. I think part of why is probably because people are so absorbed with whatever is going on in their own lives that any potential signs of me being suicidal ends up going unnoticed. Along with that, while I'm suicidal I'm not mentally ill, which probably makes hiding it a lot easier.

 

[galway4sam]

Nobody has any clue about me. I am very suicidal today and have met about 10 people so far today. Nobody would suspect anything out of the ordinary. I have never attempted or talked about it so it's understandable. When I do there will be no mistake as I will have it so well planned there will no chance of failure. I sometimes think how people will react after I am gone. It will come as a surprise as nobody will have seen it coming. Not my wife or friends. Not my family or work colleagues. I wear the perfect mask.

 

[RoseGarden]

my friends know. my coworkers don't.

 

[fleshgarden]

I NEED to get my feelings out and mostly all of my friends know the thoughts in my mind because I'm open to typing them out online. I can't really help it. no one really cares. it drives me insane because no one cares about my thoughts, but I dug the hole myself so.. I'm to blame 8 years of me typing out my suicidal thoughts on a computer.. that is to say I'm horribly at being honest to my therapist for some reason. I can't do it when it's directly in front of people. at least online I don't actually know who's seen what I've said. outside of that I'm just a mess. it is more a struggle to not act autistic than suicidal

 

[turbomightbegone]

there's no point in hiding it considering i literally end up admitting it while having extreme moodswings and outbursts. my friends know but they're unable to do anything. my family knows and they don't care that much,, they don't allow me to get help either.

 

[divinemistress36]

I mask daily from friends and housemates. Not that they'd care anyway. My sister doesn't care, she never even asks me how I'm doing. She just cares about herself, and if she wants something I hear from her. So f-her.

In 2014 I was so suicidal I knew the best ways to do it according to efficiency, pain, and what worked fastest and was least painful. My mom was the only person who noticed as I lived with her then. She got me out of that shitty village she lives in and back to where I'm living now. She paid for a new psychiatrist and meds. Then they retired and had no money so now I go to the government clinic for my sleeping meds (which are antipsychotics). I think about suicide daily, but you'd never know it. I can fake it with the best of them, and my friends will never now when I'm with them. I said the other day on chat I was sad because I missed my friend who died. Nobody answered or acknowledged my feelings. So I guess that proves there's no point in sharing with them.

My mom is the only person who cares about me. That's why I'll wait until she gone before I ctb. I can't ctb before she's gone, I can't do that her after she's been such an amazing mother to me. It was always her and I against the world.

Its painful not having siblings who care. I've always been jealous of people who have close relationships with their siblings

 

[fatladysings]

I hide my suicidal ideations from all of my family and friends - no exceptions - but not from my psychiatrists. I believe I hide it quite well and that I will surprise a hell of a lot of people when I hopefully succeed in ctb.