Are you able to mask your suicidality?

[maniac116]

I always have my "happy mask" on for two reasons:
1) To mask my inner self from others.
2) I want to offer a smile or other pleasantries to others who may not be having a great day.

 

[depthss]

I was able to hide it very well, but then I failed an attempt lol. So now everyone knows, no point to try and hide it now

 

[justamirror]

Yes I can very easily put up the blinds so to speak. I can easily distract myself as well and just go along with the day. Be in the present. Be at work and joke around with coworkers. Hop on a video game and play along. Watch some more of the series I like.

All while hiding an incredible heaviness that infects everything I do or think. A black hole.

 

[Anotheruseless]

Currently, I am managing to hide my suicidal tendencies. I've tried ctb before but it didn't work, I'm planning to do it again, but I'll leave everything to myself for now

 

[sugarb]

Common symptoms are usually little interest in anything, flat affect, distancing, unable to hold down a job or failing school, messy/ lack of hygiene.

Ive been trying so hard to keep it together while dealing with my mental illness, psychosis, and suicidal ideation. But i feel like the walls are crashing down slowly.

College is starting again and im literally a mess. I can barely manage to maintain proper hygiene, eat meals regularly, do homework, get to class on time and do other adult things like getting gas or pay bills. Yet i still put on a brave face and try to make it through eagh day like im normal

I dont know how much longer i can sustain myself. I dont want to become a neet but i also cant handle all these responsibilities. Im so stressed out.

I'm failing to mask all those symptoms except failing school (though classes have only been in session a week and I'm already behind ), historically I lock in and ace everything out of pride / academic berserker rage / fear of my parents getting upset at me lol

Verbally I'm masking very well imo, apart from being irrationally angry/emotional over mild inconveniences on occasion

 

[maniac116]

I put on my "happy mask" & I think I hide it well.
I don't have even 1 good friend, actually I don't really have friends so there's nobody to hide my feelings from.
But I smile to others in passing & try to be nice in case they feel like I do inside.

 

[dreadlox]

Most of the people i talk to are in a clinical setting so they know. I have one friend and make no attempt to hide it from her. I just started a part time job and they don't know yet but i did a bunch of cutting this weekend so they are gonna figure out something is up. Mostly i think people are too self involved to realize stuff like how others are doing.

 

[sylvey]

I constantly make jokes and comments about wanting to run onto a busy highway. None are taken seriously. Meanwhile my search history is full of research about truck routes for different companies, what companies are carrying what loads on their trucks, which company's drivers are more known for being irresponsible drivers, etc. And what are the busiest crossable roads by me.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

Not good at masking because of autism burnout but boy I'm good at hiding the CTB. They'll be shocked. But that's ok, I don't think anyone really loved me to begin with so maybe they wont notice.

I was thinking if this happened overseas who would know? Maybe if there was a way to get a fake ID and credit card and then stop with your old identity and... disappear. And then realize nobody missed you.

So yes, easy to hide because nobody knows me and never will

 

[ohnnywantstogo]

I'm masking it very well. No one suspects anything at the moment. I want to make sure when I CTB that it seems accidental or natural. I worry about the affect it will have with thr people around me. Just because I want to CTB, I don't want this idea to spread to the people around me. I just want peace and to have this pain gone forever

 

[BlockHammer]

Well in my case, nobody recognize me putting a mask, i have my suicidal ideation since last year and i don't think they know about my plan to CTB next year (well i haven't buy the ingridient though). I think one of the reason they don't recognize it yet it's because i still actively seeking jobs, also i had a language course to increase my skill

But yeah im not surprise if the can't see it comming and im not planning to back down!! Not when my life it's in the lowest point, i just hope i'll find the right methode and die as fast as possible

 

[HadEnough44]

yes, i can appear very friendly and happy, i can wear the mask well. especially to people who dont really know me. they would never guess the turmoil inside

I must be good at it because I'm high masking austisic, but even when I asked for help (medication review for my antidepressants), the psychiatrist instead took me off them altogether because apparently you can't be depressed if you can get dressed and go to work. No one I've told cares because they don't think I'll do it

what shite. of course you can be functional and still be depressed. its not at all uncommon. people dont take others seriously enough, and then they regret it

 

[HopeToStay]

I don't think it's hard to mask as people don't take it very seriously. I openly dropped the S-word to my mum once and she dismissed it.

 

[YearZero]

I can't hide anything. I'm never almost outside my house, trash is everywhere, I can't eat, almost don't sleep or do anything productive. I have ok times, like right now. But my feelings just goes up to an extreme kind of euphoria knowing I can end it whenever I get what I need. Then I get depressive af, see a lot of fucked up things in the air. Then I'm happy again because I can ctb if I manage to get stuff. Then aggression hits like hell. But yeah, I guess I won't last for long, not with this progression into self-destruction. But I'll try to have some fun on my road there, because there is no going back from here.

 

[max_vader2]

I think my mom and my friend are suspected about it but I guess they believe I can't do it. They keep ask questions about my future plans but man, I don't have any idea! I just wanna die, I'm too lazy to do anything for my life.

Classic job interview question: "where do you see your self in the future"

Me: I don't see my self in the future, I barely can thing what to cook for lunch tomorrow

 

[CatLvr]

Nobody has a clue.

 

[Davey40210]

Same, nobody has a clue. My siblings heard from my ex gf (when she broke up with me) that I was suicidal and they needed to call me. But they think Im just a bit sad. I told my friend that my siblings were worried about it and he said literally "You dont seem like someone who would do that".

At my work, I am usually quite proactive. People now think I have checked out, like "quiet quitting".

I think everyone would be shocked if I manage to do it, as I have so many things going for me from the outside.

 

[ImUsedToIt]

not really, but i figure if anyone would care if i were gone, they would have already said/done something