anyone else feel resentment?

[h4ppyhypoxia]

im planning to CTB, and at first i felt such deep guilt for the people im leaving behind, but this is slowly starting to erode, because they are basically attempting to keep me alive against my will, trapped in suffering

CTB is seen as something thats always wrong under all circumstances by the majority of people, so they are implying that ive got a duty to others to NEVER end my life, but this is such a big ask, i could potentially live for 80 years, thats such a giant ask, even waiting a month to attempt again feels like an eternity

it angers me to know that people will never let me go, they will never let me find my peace, and for what? so they can see me for a few hours a couple times a month at most? ik this must sound very ungrateful, because i am loved and cared for by so many, which is a privilege that lots of people dream of, but i dont see how this is a reason to tether me into an existence that feels like being trapped inside a prison

people tell me it will get better, but thats not what i want, i want to be free, the 6 years that ive been accessing mental health support for have shown me that i dont respond well to treatment, ive done my part in trying to get better, but ive not seen results that justify staying here, it just angers me that this is the life other people want me trapped in, and i still do have waves of guilt for planning to leave everyone, but then they have left me in this life, if i speak out about the depths of my suicidal ideation, ill be hospitalised

my family take such great measures to try and prevent me from ending my life, im not allowed to be home alone, any packages that i get i must open in front of them, its just so unfair, im done, ive made my choice, my mind is set, these "prevention measures" do nothing but delay me from acting, so its pointless, and makes me slightly resent the people around me, especially because deep down Iiknow that if they felt how I did, they'd want it to be over too, ik its cruel to admit this, but its just how i feel, anyone else in the same boat? (dont hate anyone but i hate their actions that trap me here)

 

[ZwartHartje]

I can perfectly understand, and I'd feel the same way - wanting to be free! Fortunately I live alone and don't have any family members or anyone at all bothering me. But if I did I'd feel the same resentment to them if they'd tried to prevent me from leaving. It's awful that ending one's life is such a taboo, fraught with antiquated religious ideas, superstition, or whatever else it is I can't tell. What if you'd just want to move to a different country? Yes sure, you could come back one day, and from the afterlife you can't. But still I think it's much the same thing, we should be free to take our own decisions.

 

[h4ppyhypoxia]

yeah exactly, i

I can perfectly understand, and I'd feel the same way - wanting to be free! Fortunately I live alone and don't have any family members or anyone at all bothering me. But if I did I'd feel the same resentment to them if they'd tried to prevent me from leaving. It's awful that ending one's life is such a taboo, fraught with antiquated religious ideas, superstition, or whatever else it is I can't tell. What if you'd just want to move to a different country? Yes sure, you could come back one day, and from the afterlife you can't. But still I think it's much the same thing, we should be free to take our own decisions.

exactly, i think youre right that a lot of the extreme pro life stances are ultimately rooted in religion, even if people arent religious, our societies are shaped by religious ideas, my other thoughts on where it comes from are mostly to do with evolution, instinctively we want to survive, and i think people derive a moral ought to do so because of this, and because humans biologically are social creatures, societies need their members, so your life isnt just "your life" to them, also theres this assumption that suicidality is ALWAYS a "permanent solution to a temporary problem"

 

[rainatthebusstop]

CTB is seen as something thats always wrong under all circumstances by the majority of people, so they are implying that ive got a duty to others to NEVER end my life, but this is such a big ask, i could potentially live for 80 years, thats such a giant ask, even waiting a month to attempt again feels like an eternity

Fun fact: those are two life sentences in Brasil and over 3 in most other countries bar the United States where it varies from state to state. Which is an insane amount of time to keep someone trapped, let alone someone presumably innocent

it angers me to know that people will never let me go, they will never let me find my peace, and for what? so they can see me for a few hours a couple times a month at most?

I've never gotten that. Whenever I brought up to someone that I wanted to kill myself they cried and screamed "But what about me? Don't you know that'll make me sad?!?? Why would you do this to me?!!!?" So I mostly think it's selfishness and being able to claim the moral high ground

ik this must sound very ungrateful, because i am loved and cared for by so many, which is a privilege that lots of people dream of, but i dont see how this is a reason to tether me into an existence that feels like being trapped inside a prison

my family take such great measures to try and prevent me from ending my life, im not allowed to be home alone, any packages that i get i must open in front of them, its just so unfair, im done, ive made my choice, my mind is set, these "prevention measures" do nothing but delay me from acting, so its pointless, and makes me slightly resent the people around me, especially because deep down Iiknow that if they felt how I did, they'd want it to be over too, ik its cruel to admit this, but its just how i feel, anyone else in the same boat? (dont hate anyone but i hate their actions that trap me here)

Not to sound mean but it sounds less like they understand you and more like they want to control you. and it's completely understandable to feel resentment, they act more like your prison wardens than people who want to help you in your suffering

 

[h4ppyhypoxia]

Fun fact: those are two life sentences in Brasil and over 3 in most other countries bar the United States where it varies from state to state. Which is an insane amount of time to keep someone trapped, let alone someone presumably innocent

I've never gotten that. Whenever I brought up to someone that I wanted to kill myself they cried and screamed "But what about me? Don't you know that'll make me sad?!?? Why would you do this to me?!!!?" So I mostly think it's selfishness and being able to claim the moral high ground


Not to sound mean but it sounds less like they understand you and more like they want to control you. and it's completely understandable to feel resentment, they act more like your prison wardens than people who want to help you in your suffering

yeah thats how it feels, cant get any therapy bc im "not stable enough" so ive just got mh professionals coming to my house every couple of days to check that im not planning anything lolol

 

[StupidGirl001]

yeah thats how it feels, cant get any therapy bc im "not stable enough" so ive just got mh professionals coming to my house every couple of days to check that im not planning anything lolol

That's so lame. Hope you get out of there soon

 

[WallTermite]

My parents are idiots for having me.

 

[Passenger4224]

I feel LOTS of resentment. My parents have done everything for me and I still hate them for deciding to have a child and that child being me. I have trouble being nice to them anymore. Doesn't help that they are both very unintelligent.

People are selfish and brainwashed. They feed into the government's BS that all suicidal people are 'mentally ill', and when someone they barely know wants to CTB they act so entitled.

 

[PeaceSeeker83]

Main source of resentment is the two boofheads who brought me into clown world.

 

[delinquentsandwich]

I used to not feel resentment for everyone around me
I didn't want to feel that way towards them because I thought it was unwarranted

I feel deep resentment for everyone and everything now
obviously I wouldn't make it visible and take it out on people
but when no one tries to understand you or think about what you're feeling, it can be very difficult to not snap
not to mention being forced to live a miserable life in which I had no say

it's not a very fun feeling but it is what it is