40 here. Spent many years thinking that life would turn around to make up for subhuman childhood treatment, including an ultra-dysfunctional family and bullying at school. Tried to do the right thing, work hard and buy a house, even though every stage of employment and daily living was about 5 times as hard for me as it was for normal people with proper relationships, community and family support.
I led a life of quiet desperation, driven by constant fear of homelessness. This year I've had the mother of all mid-life crises, having turned 40 and never lived life in any meaningful way. Now feeling too worn out to continue as it seems to have all been for nothing, and I will not be missed except by maybe 2 or 3 people.
I just feel sad that with my endless financial and health issues, I've always been in my own little hell. I've barely ever been able to do anything positive or meaningful for others. I watch them interact and have fun from a distance, and seem to only bring a negative energy because I can't relate at all, except in my mind's fantasy-land.
