Discussion Anyone sad they didn't kill themselves years ago?

[_Minsk]

More than sad

 

[nogoodfatautist]

Yeah I should've when I was 12 and then again when I was 18 but I chickened out... Planning for Nov 2024 Ill be 22, hopefully I wont chicken out this time

 

[thunderandlightning]

i fucking wish

 

[deoxys]

totally. have felt suicidal and self harmed ever since i was 11-12 ish. idk why i never built up the courage to follow through. now ive gone through so much since, made so many others sad, angry, had falling outs with others, lots of fights with my parents, failed classes. i couldve avoided all this just by bein dead like i shouldve awhile ago.

 

[onbekend]

A few of my family members love to go to the shooting range, and they brought me with them a couple months ago.
I enjoyed my time there but looking back I feel as if I wasted my potential moment to do it out of fear of traumatizing my family who were quite literally right next to me.
Maybe I made the right decision, Maybe I didn't. It doesn't really matter all that much now.

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

Should have ended all this at least 4 years ago. All that is happening is just more hits, more stress, more tiredness.

 

[TAW122]

I oftenly regret not doing so before the pandemic and before my living situation changed in 2020. That really was the best time and if I had CTB'd since then, I would not have to endure all the ups and downs in sentience that is today. While I had fleeting moments of joy, it can never be worth the majority of mundanity and the really shitty times of suffering. I hope that I will get what I need again to CTB, though if I had a guaranteed, reliable peaceful means to go, I wouldn't have chosen a brutal method to go out.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Oh yes. I wish I had gone at 20 in 2012 when I first started feeling it. Of course I don't know how I would have done so.

 

[malware]

I wish I had died sooner. About three or two years ago my eating disorder worsened and so did my overall condition and I was in the ICU on the brink of death. I didn't get a choice in the matter, I was dragged into a ward for almost a year again and it was just as traumatizing as the previous stay. I wish I had just faded away slowly by myself instead of being stuck inside a hospital against my will.

 

[finalkarma]

i was thinking about this just this morning. i have attempted before, had it only worked i would've died as i was then. a person who seems to be happy, someone who seems to be doing good in school, someone who has a bright future ahead. i would've avoided all the suffering i've endured these past 4 years. now, if i attempt and succeed in this present day, i will be the epitome of a complete let down disappointment. i will have died being remembered as a bothered person, a failure at school, an incompetent waste of money and space...not to mention my funeral would be an even sadder sight to witness. there would be a max of 5 people there. somehow it'd be less sad if i didn't even have a funeral.

 

[mrelief82]

Yes, mostly september- november last year. But there were many moments earlier within last 4 years, all this suffering for nothing as at the end I didn't manage to help myself.

i was thinking about this just this morning. i have attempted before, had it only worked i would've died as i was then. a person who seems to be happy, someone who seems to be doing good in school, someone who has a bright future ahead. i would've avoided all the suffering i've endured these past 4 years. now, if i attempt and succeed in this present day, i will be the epitome of a complete let down disappointment. i will have died being remembered as a bothered person, a failure at school, an incompetent waste of money and space...not to mention my funeral would be an even sadder sight to witness. there would be a max of 5 people there. somehow it'd be less sad if i didn't even have a funeral.

I can relate, if I died 4 years ago I would be remembered as strong happy person. Just now a burden

 

[winterparty]

If I had understood how deliberately and purposefully men destroys other people and the planet, I would have done it earlier. Maybe even years earlier but I was quite naive about human nature. The cowardice. The inflated sense of self/egotism. The callousness. The convenience. The hatred and the evil done by people in power/with high iq's, governments, companies and humanity itself.





As another general argument: So crimes happen as well and if you're weak they're not getting less likely. Don't want to wake up in a torture chamber. This argument isn't used enough against pro-lifers.

 

[cursedcure]

yes. recently found an old note i'd written when wanting to end it all a few years ago while cleaning out my old laptop, unexpectedly. it hasn't gotten better overtime. the pain i expressed back then is more and the same, and more, now that i have more life experience, i see that my reasons for wanting to exit life then have just been piling up and getting worse, like a hole i dug and can't get out. when i had the opportunity to do it with my lover, i was holding on to the hope of everything getting better, of love being enough. i was blinded, unrealistic. if i could have seen the future and how not going through it with him would affect me, i would've acted differently.

 

[Anon1337]

I wish I died in 2019.

 

[bugs_for_brains]

I wish I did it when I was 11 and had my first bout of suicidality but I was young and scared. I think it would have been easier for my family to forgive me if I was younger and also now i'm stuck here for longer because I can't die until my nan goes first (she has stage 4B lung cancer sadly) since I know she wouldn't be able to take it. Then I am gonna be in immense pain because she acts as a parental figure and has always been my favorite person but i have to stay longer to look after my little sister for her and my mum if my mum falls into a depression which is likely for obvious reasons. I think if I did it before, it would have been easier for everyone

 

[WhereMyDreamsWent]

Not anymore. I once was. Like when I was idk 12. I always thought. I should've died sooner. Since the thoughts plague me even earlier this that. Eventually tho I just realised fuck it that's in the past. You can do it now as well and you wouldn't. What's the point of being sad about that? You still want to live. You're still scared of doing it. Why blame it on your younger self and delete bad about it? But yeah. Would be great if I was dead.
Not anymore. I once was. Like when I was idk 12. I always thought. I should've died sooner. Since the thoughts plague me even earlier this that. Eventually tho I just realised fuck it that's in the past. You can do it now as well and you wouldn't. What's the point of being sad about that? You still want to live. You're still scared of doing it. Why blame it on your younger self and delete bad about it? But yeah. Would be great if I was dead.

 

[Meteora]

I attempted between 2015 and 2019 several times. Wish I had died the first time.

 

[bunny_brownie9]

yes, I would be pain free now.

OD'd a few years back with no hesitation but SI kicked in after and I went to hospital. Hospital said had I gotten to hospital any later I would've died.

Jumped onto train tracks and walked along them hoping to get hit but they stopped the trains before it could happen :( spent 2 months in hospital. Other attempts over the last few years.

wish it had all worked, but next time for sure.

 

[SevenDayWeekend]

Yes, I feel like I've suffered for years needlessly and nothing has changed - if I'd done it years ago it would be over and I would've spared myself all these years of pain. I also had much more opportunity to do it years ago whereas now I feel my options are far more limited, but hindesight always brings clarity doesn't it.