I basically wasn't myself for 2-3 years

[Cor116]

Sadly I messed up my life 2 years ago I don't even know why or what I did that was so embarrassing I left school, didn't talk to anyone because I didn't care at the time about my life, I was missing a lot of classes so it piled up and that's why I got kicked out basically. I really wish someone would have just hit me hard to really get me to think about my future and what that would do to me. I am really a normal guy people in my class wanted to hang out with me but I pushed them away for some reason. I really don't get it it's like the universe wanted me to mess up my life for some reason. Now what do I do? Lonely for 2 years can't even contact them that I'm sorry and I know I messed up. I could have had a great life if I was just myself like now but no I had to ruin everything. I was so immature and acted cringe for no reason at all. Maybe I wanted to ruin my own life. Now I can't hang out with anyone because I don't know anyone. It's a sad thing to not be able to go back to the past and simply tell myself to not do that. Is the only option to die and reincarnate to the past to finally live my life without suffering? That's what I have to do at this point. Reincarnation happens when you didn't fulfill your potential and have to restart your own life again. I am just afraid that the people there wouldn't be the same and I am sad for my parents to have to live with 1 son less.

 

[getoutgirl]

Hey, sorry to hear you went through that. I also fucked up and left school and isolated from everyone and didn't do anything cos I was planning to die and yadda yadda. Basically I too live with the regret of having wasted so many years doing nothing, basically feeling like I was lying at the bottom of an ocean. It didn't feel great then, it still doesn't feel great now that I'm a bit above that.

I'm really glad you are doing better though, and that as you say you finally feel like yourself. Don't know what took for that to happen, if anything at all really or a lot of work from your part. The fact you are still around already means you've done a lot to endure, even if you don't recognise it and the guilt over what you did poorly speaks louder.
What I'm getting at, I get or assume you are still young if that was 2 years ago. Life isn't over. It may feel like that, specially if you keep looking at the past and all you've lost and all those regrets, but the truth is still that there are a lot more years ahead, and you don't need to go back to the past or reincarnate to live those. You can find new people, find new meaning, and have a great life still. That time is still there. Specially if you know feel a lot better, that's key. You can keep growing and becoming an even better you as you did since these past 2 years. You already have improved and matured in your own words, your next step I'd say would be to stop obsessing that hard with the past.

I can't ask of you to do that all of a sudden, in a day or out of these dumb words, you'll probably have to learn to let go with time and even then regret will still be a thing you'll have to live with. But don't let it chain you.
Think of the present you as you would of your past you, and how much you'd like to tell them. Well you can tell this to your present self now, because that's what the present you currently needs and is struggling with, and hopefully in the future you'll have anything but regret over it.

I don't know your exact situation so I won't act like I can offer solutions beyond that. You'll probably deal with external hardships both as a result of your past years and just the ones that come from living. But I know you can endure and pull through, and if that's something you'd like to be proud of in the future then I can only encourage you to go for it in whatever way you decide. So take it easy, it's okay to make mistakes, you still got this.
sorry if this was a preachy rant :P if it wasn't then I hope it can help you a bit. Lots of hugs <3