Discussion Anyone sad they didn't kill themselves years ago?

[jinx <3]

Maybe? Kind of hard to tell on that one. On the one hand, my life is so much better now than it was some years ago so I'm glad I lived through it. On the other hand, maybe dying without first knowing how good life can feel would have spared me from losing it all. That's a tough decision to make, and I'm not certain which reality would be better: dying early while suffering greatly, or dying later while suffering moderately and enjoying some things greatly.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Yes, yes and yes! Absolutely! My failure to go through with my desire to die many years ago has only fueled this wish even more. Originally I wanted to die while I was still considered young - among other reasons - now I am older and suicidal for the same reasons, but I no longer have youth, so it is the same as before only worse.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

 

[Meditation guide]

I'm sad I didn't do it when I could have gotten a prescription for some high strength oxycodone, years ago before the government clamped down.

 

[Manfrotto99]

Yes in 2008, life wasn't great then but at least I had a good job and some dignity before then. Life has been a living nightmare and waste of time ever since

 

[Strawberry Moon]

Every day. 7 years ago was my closest attempt and back then was a walk in the park compared to now.

 

[backtoearth]

I wish I did it when I still had no responsibility, I wish I never allowed myself to get to this point

 

[Alltheywanted]

Yeah I wish i killed my self year ago. That would save a lot of pain and money for my parents.

 

[cultpup]

the first time i thought about and planned on killing myself i was 9 or so. i wish i had back then, it only got worse from there.

 

[Smelly_ballz]

Yes. I've tried to kill myself more times than I can count on my fingers, starting when I was ten. They say it gets better, but I believe nothing will change inside me.

 

[hiddenbpd]

Absolutely. Could've saved a lot of people from a lot of headaches caused by me.
With every passing year, I become more and more sad that I'm still here.

 

[I Can't Say]

Had access to a gun a couple of years ago. Got rid of it because I knew what I'd do with it. Now...

 

[Ksmиda]

No, because even though I experienced some bad things after my attempt, I also experienced many new, good things.
Even if everything stayed bad after my attempt, I still wouldn't be sad that I didn't succeed, because I would still have many oppurtunities to ctb.
It's not a case of if I ctb, it's a case of when I'll ctb.

 

[DyingToDie123]

I would have never succeeded, I probably won't anyway, but if I could... days ago for sure, years ago I'm less sure, and I'm not totally sure why. I think I have the validest (ik not a word but I'm using it) reason to ctb now and a heck of a story to be told to go along with it. Before I would've just been another generic depressed teenage girl.

 

[DEATH IS FREEDOM]

I wanted to die last year. It would have been best. The past year has been nothing else but pointless suffering. But I live in a country where suicide is not accepted. Deadly medicines cannot be obtained. I do not have many methods to choose from. It is not easy. The society wants me to live and suffer forever.

 

[Decayed]

yes i always secretly wish my first attempt was successful

 

[ClownWorld2023]

Absolutely.

So many opportunities I missed out on.
If I had joined this forum earlier, I could've spoken to @GasMonkey himself when he was still around.

 

[AerialBoundaries]

For me, no. The time has to be right. If I'd done it 10 years ago, it would've hurt my family harder. If it happened now, that I'm older, they'd understand. I gave life a chance.

 

[sserafim]

Like, it would've been better to die 2 years ago knowing everything I know now

I wish I had died before I reached 18. I honestly never expected to become an adult or live this long. I will ctb before 25 though. I won't let life and time pass me by again.

 

[iDontKnowWhat]

Yeah, if I had known the future I would have probably ended it when I was 15. But hey, no one sees the future.

Same here

 

[TransientEternal]

I wish. The more life goes by, the more I'm stuck in limbo between life and death. Never fully committing to one or the other, and ending up suffering because of it. Life offers comforts, and death is hard to reach. I wonder if a few more years will pass by without me going through with it, or maybe I'll finally gather the courage to commit to death. The future is hard to predict, the human heart even more so.

 

[MeowTheFlemishCat]

Absolutely.

So many opportunities I missed out on.
If I had joined this forum earlier, I could've spoken to @GasMonkey himself when he was still around.

Isn't he still alive?

I wish I had died before I reached 18. I honestly never expected to become an adult or live this long. I will ctb before 25 though. I won't let life and time pass me by again.

In planning to do it after reaching 25 the 30th of November

 

[ClownWorld2023]

Isn't he still alive?

No idea.
Some think he CTBed, and some others think he moved away from the forum.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I'm sad my mother didn't kill by having an abortion.

 

[KiraX]

If I knew about sn earlier I would done it ideally in 2018 or 19.

 

[MeowTheFlemishCat]

Yes, yes and yes! Absolutely! My failure to go through with my desire to die many years ago has only fueled this wish even more. Originally I wanted to die while I was still considered young - among other reasons - now I am older and suicidal for the same reasons, but I no longer have youth, so it is the same as before only worse.

How old are you?

 

[NeedAnEscape]

If I knew that I would continue to suffer so immensely, perhaps I would have ended my pain long ago. Though, I doubt that I would be able to overcome my SI. I am stronger now, but ultimately, I am still weak. Though, despite all of the pain, if I had ended my life five years ago, I would have never gotten to meet so many wonderful people - both irl and on this forum. I believe that there will be a natural time for me to end my suffering. But, as far as I'm aware, that will not be for some time.

 

[Klophy]

Definitely. Immensely regret not successfully going through with it as a teen.

Hell, if given the choice i'd pick non-existance,

 

[Sprite_Geist]

How old are you?

I am almost 31. I have wanted to commit suicide since my late teens/early twenties, and my original suicide plan was to die somewhere between 25/27.

 

[kaidatenn]

Kai is. Kai regret that Kai's past 2 attempts failed. Only if Kai did the third one years ago, Kai could just go and die with ease.