Anyone feel like an asshole for what they will do to their family?

[BRAINWORMS]

Yes. My parents deserved better from the very beginning.

 

[Tiny Little Tree]

Sure.

People do things all the time that others happen to not like or end up hurt by. I don't believe that by itself is a reason to not do something or is deserving of punishment if you do.

My personal belief is CTB is a decision only you can make and you have every right to make. There is all the difference in the world between that and consciously doing something to directly hurt others, especially if you have no right to do it.

 

[graybars]

I've been consistently suicidal since before puberty. I've spent over a decade fantasizing about it every day: it is the single topic I have devoted more time to than any other. Yet I haven't caught the bus because of the knowledge that I would be condemning my family--both biological and chosen--to a lifetime of agonizing grief. As much as I feel that my existence is an imposition on the world, I've never once doubted that they would be shattered. I isolate myself as much as possible because I want to limit the collateral damage should I CTB in the future.

 

[hamtaro]

I attempted to ctb in 2017. I know exactly what kind of suffering that I will be inflicting on my loved ones. But my physical and mental condition has deteriorated to such a point that I don't see any other way.

 

[NoLightRemains]

I do feel guilty for the trauma and grief I will cause my family and loved ones, but as time goes on I feel myself pulling away. Living (and suffering) so that other people don't have to hurt is becoming increasingly unsustainable. I can't live for others forever.

 

[xyzzy]

If that were the case, then why should I ctb at all, I'll die anyway right? The fact is that life is painful in the here and now, whether there's death awaiting us or not.

Sure, but a natural death will involve far more suffering. You'll have to go through all of life's struggles first. In a way, this is the "easy" way out (okay, not really, but you do avoid growing old and losing your job and also more minor inconveniences)

 

[Sad_Sack]

I'm horribly guilty about it. All I habe left ate mg wife and 3 children ages 31, 21 and 15. Its hard enough on them if I were to miraculously die of natural causes but when I end it they will feel like I purposely left them. If only they could experience what I'm dealing with for a day or so they'd at least understand what drove me to it.

 

[willitpass]

every day. when i was at my lowest a couple of years ago, i felt like it would be a blessing because they were all constantly worrying about what i would do next, and it would give them a finality and end their worrying. now, however, that they believe i am healthy and they no longer fear what i will do to myself, i feel horrible. they think we have moved past my illness and they don't hold their breath praying that i'll be alive the next day, so i would take them by surprise. it rips me apart thinking about my dad finding out about my death, after how much i have put him through. it kills me, but then again, on day all of my family will be gone as well and no one will be alive to grieve me