Venting i feel like i'm just looking for attention

[rorosbones]

i don't know if i really want to die. there's so many times i've considered faking my death or making a goodbye post or something just because i want to see how people would react. i want to believe someone would care, even if it's just a random stranger i've never met.

is that bad? i feel like a horrible person. why do i have this urge to make other people feel sad just so i can feel cared for? i'm just a lousy attention seeker.

 

[chillino]

Maybe you need to try caring for yourself. And its fucking hard.

 

[explosiveKai99]

Well, there's nothing wrong with looking for attention if you have a problem.
Imagine you're a member of hunter-gatherers tribe and you broke your leg. Trying to conceal it because it's "attention-seeking" would be fucking stupid.
Modern society, especially on the internet demonizes attention seeking behaviours, because they assume there were some people trying to take advantage.
If you want somebody to finally notice that you can't deal on your own, there's nothing wrong with that. But we also can't force other people to care, because they can have their own problems.

 

[Insufficent]

I can somewhat relate.
When I got depressed and started to talk about suicide at 11 years old, I got two thing. Sick leaves from school and attention (oh and SSRIs...).
I know I have used my depression as a tool to avoid difficult situations and stress. It became like a automated coping mechanism. Like an alcoholic who grabs a bottle when things get difficult, I start thinking about suicide because that used to give me a relief. But it also gave me a drug problem, eating disorder and overall apathy. You know, the usual.

 

[whorror]

I can relate to that. Last time I had a hard time I scheduled goodbye messages for my close friends. They were sent, but I was still alive. One friend even came to my house at 5AM to check on me. I just SA myself that day and that was the intention behind it, I needed attention because I'm in so much pain and I honestly really wish I would just end already. So I get your feeling.

 

[fleurdelune]

i know the feeling :( and it's hard to believe (for myself as well), but wanting attention from people doesn't make you a horrible person at all. it just means you have needs that aren't being met by your interpersonal relationships... or maybe by your lack thereof. i'm lonely

i sometimes contemplate attempting without a real intention to die so that someone whose love and validation i crave might come save me, even though it's impossible because i'm beyond saving. but it might feel nice in the moment to have that attention. idk. a small part of why i plan to shoot myself in the chest when i go is so that if i miss the heart, i might live to see the aftermath. unless i shot myself in the spinal cord by accident instead :P that would suck

anyways..... no, you're not a horrible person for wanting people to care about what you're experiencing. i hope you find relief from your upsetting thoughts somehow <3

 

[monkeyfff]

I am of the opinion that everyone is justified to do or use anything they need to to acquire care and love. Some acquire it without doing much whilst others, like you, have to resort to this and in my opinion it is what it is because it's a human need and I would even consider it a sign of failure from your environment.