Anyone else quite certain they will be miserable for the rest of their lives?

[iloverachel]

As the days go on, I feel more hopeless and pessimistic about life

I don't see anyway to escape a painful, miserable life besides death.

I believe I will be miserable until the day I finally die

 

[KillingPain267]

Yes, I see no point in living, and no hope for my life improving. It's pure boredom at this point.

 

[Forveleth]

I don't think for me I'm necessarily guaranteed to be miserable for the rest of my life. However, the changes I would need to make in order to not be miserable the rest of my life are way more than I have energy for at this point.

 

[FuneralCry]

Being content with something so harmful and undesirable as existence makes no sense to me personally, I see human existence as the most futile and torturous burden that is best avoided no matter what. I'd always prefer to not exist as I don't want to suffer in any way and in existence there is endless potential for suffering, it disturbs me how there's no limit as to how much one can suffer. All that I wish for is to be permanently unconscious, really wish I never existed more than anything.

 

[sserafim]

I don't think that I'm necessarily miserable; it's just that I don't want to live out the rest of my life. I don't want to live out a full life. I see more negatives than positives in my future, and I honestly never even wanted a future anyways. I never wanted to live past 18

 

[Jorms_McGander]

Somehow I've had an understanding that I lack self-control for my entire life. I also suspect that other peoples' agency is merely a construct, and personal identity is also a construct. In reality the vast majority of our decision making processes are subconscious and also they are transmitted between individuals on that same subconscious level.

But yeah, for myself I've been feeling like I can't control my actions for pretty much my whole life. It's not everything, or I'd be a bank robber, but it's to some degree. If I feel I can "get away with something", then I will inevitably do it. "Getting away" just means... I don't know, actually. I'm quite irreverent so go ahead and call me a piece of shit; I don't care. There are contexts in which I function as an amazing human being--I am hyper-empathetic to a level that sometimes looks like mind-reading to people without my psychological makeup [normies if you will].

But in stressful situations, I can't help but run on survival mode and basically that means I'll scrape the top off of anything I possibly can and put it into my own resources. And there have been precious few moments among these "normally adapted" apes in which I am not threatened by their hurtful narratives and unwillingness to take responsibility for their own emotional reactions.

So in that way I've always known that I'm fucked and I'll never amount to anything. After decades of reflection I think the issue is that my willpower is lower than the will required to make significant personal changes, and I have never been given enough time in a stable environment on which to work through it.

On the other hand and the reason I voted no, is because I am decided to not be sad about this. I was born different; with some disabilities as they are considered. I was never looked after because my birthday predates any medical understanding of my issues. People can't be blamed for their own upbringings and they were raised to believe I'm inherently So Strong TM because I'm a large male human. I'm actually super easy to traumatise so fuck that noise lol.

Anyway that's just all facts. Why should I be the one to be miserable because the rest of humanity is a bunch of fucking predators? Honestly. When you get to the level of compassion and consideration that I am, which isn't to say I'm an angel.

I need to interrupt myself quickly and say that the compassion and consideration come from a constant fear of upsetting others around me because the slightest inkling of their discomfort slides right into my psyche and burns me from the inside.

Anyway from this perspective, other people "having spines" are predators on my energy. I just didn't want to imply I'm some angel. I'm a predator too, because I will use your spare change and drink your alcohol if you let me. I am probably projecting a lot as we're into unprocessed territory... so I am being the normie right now.

But I just don't want to suffer anymore. I am fully aware that I am a piece of shit but like where is my decision to be this way? Born a type of person who didn't even exist and then chronically invalidated and taken advantage of for decades, of course I learned to take advantage. To live until my 30s desperately asking for help because I knew something was wrong in my brain, because I knew I couldn't control my behaviours, it's really very insufficient and doesn't give me any feelings of camaraderie with the rest of humanity. Until my 30s I was miserable. I was nothing but a piece of trash. Just some loser who couldn't do better. But now I know. Now I know there are reasons and I was lied to about them.

So fuck all that grief. I'm not going to be miserable. I'm going to let go of the rest of these miserable fucks and die happy.

 

[Yuina]

Absolutely. I'm not actively looking to CTB, but I don't think there's a timeline where that won't be the outcome. My existence is useless at this point. I don't think I'll ever be functional enough to have a job, buy a house, or even drive. I genuinely cannot do anything myself. It saddens me, because I honestly do wish I could.

 

[BlazingBob]

My physical health issues I've been battling for 20 years and mental health issues I've been dealing with for over 3 decades pretty much preclude happiness or contentment.

 

[iloverachel]

My physical health issues I've been battling for 20 years and mental health issues I've been dealing with for over 3 decades pretty much preclude happiness or contentment.

3 decades sounds like an awfully long time i am sorry you suffered so much
Its been 8 years of me and I have already felt i had enough

 

[BlazingBob]

3 decades sounds like an awfully long time i am sorry you suffered so much
Its been 8 years of me and I have already felt i had enough

Thank you. My depression started when I was 16 back in 1988 Some times were better than others but since my late 30s it's been brutal and unrelenting, a huge reason being also having to deal with physical health problems. I'm really sorry you're also suffering. I hope we can somehow find peace, as well as all of the other members on this site. I'm mainly bedridden at this point so I'm always around if you need to chat.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Maybe not all the time but yes, I expect I will continue to be deeply unhappy at points in the future. It's only going to go one way with the likelihood that more people I love will die from old age. I'd rather spare myself a whole lot more grief.

 

[Chacha]

It looks like , but I will not please society and the system instead I am rehearsing my death I am neglecting my self, I am not washing my hands I am not cleaning fresh vegetables I am extremely insane and extremely uncontrollable. Self destructing myself. I plan to drink 60 litres of scotch of my 60th birthday as I will celebrate 60 years of failures and what a way to celebrate and when they find me death . They have to clean. ANy ideas to committ suicide.

 

[EmptyHeaded]

I'm not miserable and don't think I'll ever be, to be honest.

 

[Volo vent]

Until very recently i was very closelu engage romanticaly with someone and i felt life was very nice but nice things have come down and im back to feeling like this

 

[oneirataxia]

My soul was designed to cause complete, unadulterated misery to myself and everyone who has to deal with me.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yes, I will always be miserable until the day that I die

 

[DeletedAccount0864]

It's about a 90-95% certainty. Just too much has piled on over the years and I'll probably be homeless soon. Out of options. Just out of fucking options.

 

[calebzz1]

Honestly, if I have to live with this poor vision for the rest of my life...yes.

 

[divinemistress36]

Once the brain is stuck in fight or flight mode for years it's rare to get out of it.

 

[thealteredmind]

suffering grows each year, isn't that great??

 

[karel1987]

Once the brain is stuck in fight or flight mode for years it's rare to get out of it.

I have the same thing. Always anxiety

 

[F@#$]

Every day is just a little worse.

 

[divinemistress36]

I have the same thing. Always anxiety

I have the same thing. Always anxiety

Same the anxiety is harder to handle than the depression

 

[karel1987]

Same the anxiety is harder to handle than the depression

Yeah the anxiety is hell. And it's spirals in a depression

 

[Ash’Girl]

I am just so, so tired.
Work, eat, sleep, repeat.
I think maybe if I had enough money to get a little home off the beaten track, and not have to work - well, I wouldn't be "happy" but I wouldn't be so stressed and exhausted all the time, I'd just disappear into swamp witch obscurity til I either died of natural causes or ctb.

But having to work so much just to pay bills and rent, no energy or motivation to do anything, constant anxiety and depression, I'm just "stuck" in this Groundhog Day cycle and I'm miserable all the time. My days off I barely get out of bed and just try to rest enough that I'm semi functional for the next working week.

What is the actual point to any of it? I get zero enjoyment out of life and I have no energy to even attempt to change that anymore.

 

[DeletedAccount0864]

I think maybe if I had enough money to get a little home off the beaten track, and not have to work - well, I wouldn't be "happy" but I wouldn't be so stressed and exhausted all the time, I'd just disappear into swamp witch obscurity til I either died of natural causes or ctb.

This is the case for me too. If someone just gave me several thousand, I'd at least have some room to even CONSIDER my life going in a different direction (probably wouldn't, but it would allow me to find another place/job/etc. at least before I become homeless. It's all just so exhausting and I'm so tired :(

 

[Dark Moon]

I don't see a point in living for myself because my ASD can't be cured, no support so can't get out of the situation i'm in and honestly I don't really want to be apart of the system/society that hates people like myself anyway.

Yes, I'm going to be miserable until I can take myself out of this world.

 

[Arachno]

Yeah pretty much, I can't see my life getting any better in the future, it just slowly keeps getting worse. I feel constantly stressed and anxious and I don't have any energy to improve things. At this point I don't see any other outcome for myself other than CTB.

Absolutely. I'm not actively looking to CTB, but I don't think there's a timeline where that won't be the outcome. My existence is useless at this point. I don't think I'll ever be functional enough to have a job, buy a house, or even drive. I genuinely cannot do anything myself. It saddens me, because I honestly do wish I could.

I can relate so much, I'm really incompetent in life and I hate that so much, it's so hard.

 

[Eudaimonic]

Yes. My quality of life will always be insufficient.

 

[Abyssal]

I'm 100% certain of it.