I really don't see any joy in living, at this point I only didn't CTB to not traumatize my family. My grandparents have been through a lot, so I feel like I should at least wait until they are dead.
SmollMushroom
send N pls
- Sep 27, 2023
- 405
Funny for me it's quite the opposite.
My family is pushing me towards my demise.
I guess if I had been blessed with a loving family I surely would think twice before ctbing yeah.
My family is pushing me towards my demise.
I guess if I had been blessed with a loving family I surely would think twice before ctbing yeah.
jbear824
F*ck humanity. Let's end this.
- Jul 4, 2023
- 409
For my friends, my best friend and life partner, and now annoyingly for a guy I just met that my heart wants me to see where it could go. So like fuck. I'm trapped.
My family is a big part of the reason why my life is unbearable. I still don't want to hurt them. Maybe it is Stockholm's
Yes; wife, kids, and pet. I've said before that continuing to live is easier than setting things up so they will be properly taken care of.
new2blue
Student
- Dec 11, 2023
- 115
Yes, kind of. I know my family will be shattered, but I think since they are all so close, they would get through it. My partner is the main reason I am waiting. I can not see any way it won't destroy her life. She loves me deeply, and for close to a decade we have spent every day together. She struggles with mental health issues like me, but still has more potential than I do. She is so involved in life, in her nephews, her family. She is so full of love. Part of me thinks I should make her hate me, but I can't do that. I respect her too much.
DeecyTee
New here
- Sep 23, 2023
- 25
Same. :( A lot of my sibling's friends have died young, some from suicide. I think the rest of my family could get over my death but not them.
dustyrainbow
Member
- Apr 15, 2023
- 46
I'm afraid I'll break the last "normal" parts of my family. To traumatize them. To cause endless pain.
If I wouldn't know how important I am to my sister, I'd already done it in a planned way then (all my attempts has been impulsive). But for now I can't.
I wish I just could stop being in contact, then they kinda forget me or at least they're less emotional? And then I'd go.
But I just know that won't work, I'll never be forgotten or didn't matter to them.
And I know many wish their family was caring. But for me it's not a blessing - it's a curse.
I have to decide who has to suffer - me or them.
It's just not fair.
If I wouldn't know how important I am to my sister, I'd already done it in a planned way then (all my attempts has been impulsive). But for now I can't.
I wish I just could stop being in contact, then they kinda forget me or at least they're less emotional? And then I'd go.
But I just know that won't work, I'll never be forgotten or didn't matter to them.
And I know many wish their family was caring. But for me it's not a blessing - it's a curse.
I have to decide who has to suffer - me or them.
It's just not fair.
new2blue
Student
- Dec 11, 2023
- 115
Such is the price of love. Capable of great tragedy, but also great beauty. I am glad I have loved. If not for family and love, I could not see any point in life. But yes, it keeps us shackled. You can only do what you can do. You can only suffer so much for love. I will suffer as long as I can, but no longer.
I am avoiding ctb only for my daughter since there is no one else to look after her. Sometimes I do feel like taking her with me but I have managed to push those dark thoughts away till now.
Yes, when my mom goes I more than likely will follow her on the same day.
zel
Curiosity killed the cat, eh?
- Oct 17, 2023
- 92
Hence why self isolation is often a precursor to suicide.
Just as you undoubtedly feel that you have a right to make a decision about your own life - whether or not you will continue to live it - please allow your daughter to make the same choice. If you make the choice for her, you potentially rob her of a life she may very well have found fulfilling and meaningful, and all the joy she could have brought into the world.
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Yeah, the same way others need to understand that we just don't enjoy life, we need to understand that others just do. It's incredibly subjective and there is no right or wrong. People's brains are just setup in very different ways
kissa
Member
- Dec 20, 2023
- 11
Yes, it's a blessing and a curse at the same time
AInilam
Student
- Dec 17, 2023
- 173
Reuthry
I just want a way out.
- Dec 16, 2023
- 201
I used to think the same but I just don't care anymore, it may sound selfish but like, I and nothing will exist when I die so why should I worry about non-existent things? I won't ever think about them again, I won't even exist you know.
Catch-22
But in the end it doesn't even matter...😢
- Aug 19, 2019
- 254
They are one reason I want to leave.. they do not care about my physical or mental pain. They abandoned me a long time ago.
slightoverlooked
Experienced
- Dec 27, 2023
- 214
yes, my mom said she will ctb as well if i do. i dont want that. i have a little brother he's 8 yrs old. he needs his mom and he always tells me I'm his role model.
throneofdispair03
is a mistake
- Jan 10, 2024
- 236
Lookingtoflyfree
Specialist
- Jan 11, 2024
- 326
There's only two reasons to be here now - to travel and because I know my death would be horrible for my family. But I'm not living for me then.
My dream is to somehow make it seem like a car accident which will be less trauma for my sibling. I need to think this through but somehow it would soften the blow because there's no intentionality. Car accidents happen.
My dream is to somehow make it seem like a car accident which will be less trauma for my sibling. I need to think this through but somehow it would soften the blow because there's no intentionality. Car accidents happen.
AnonymousL
Specialist
- Apr 5, 2023
- 376
My sister and my boyfriend.
However soon that won't be enough anymore.
I cant keep living for others, i'm too tired.
starrchaoz
Another six months, I'll be unknown.
- Nov 24, 2023
- 39
Somewhat. My family and my best friend was keeping me here for a while, especially since my friend said they'd join me if I killed myself. But I can't take it anymore, and I plan to be gone soon, I feel selfish for it but I can't keep going on with all this pain.
WeDontKnowTheFuture
Student
- Feb 3, 2023
- 155
Yes, literally. I accept the fact that the only reason why i keep living is to allow my parents to live a decent life. It helps to keep moving forward on a daily basis. I do not care much about anything right now, i'm extremely lonely, lost interest in my dreams and hobbies, lost friends, have regrets and horrible memories. My existence is pain and i manage to endure it remembering myself everytime that it is only suffering that i have to live and let pass, that nothing matter anymore, and that all this shitty existence is just non-sense. Whatever the amount of suffering, i just live it and remember that everything is for others, not for me. They would a kid. Now the kid has to keep living for them. Sometime i wonder if i'm not losing my dignity remaining. A part of me is extremely angry towards them because they cannot accept that i want to put an end to my life and i feel obliged to stay, i just want to make them feel bad that because of them i have to live a life that i do not want until the end of theirs. It seems an evil behavior to me, Despite that, i'm still acting in this direction.
Yes my mum, the rest of my family may get over it easier. I also have other reasons that keep me back. It's a complex mixture.
