Venting another vent lol

[TheSadGoose]

i have bpd and i hate myself for it, even tho it's not my fault i have it.
i hate living like this and knowing that NOTHING can be done to cure it or help makes me even more depressed.
i hate being this way, it hurts knowing i hurt the people around me because of my disorder. nobody around me understands and they downplay it but bpd is ruining my life and i just can't live like this, it hurts too much and i'm tired of the pain.

i recently (like 3 weeks ago) broke up with my boyfriend of a year and it hurts so much. i loved him with all my heart but i loved him too much. that's the nasty part about bpd, you get obsessed, and i mean OBSESSED with someone and it doesn't only ruin your life but also theirs. i won't get into too much detail about bpd and my life because there is way too much to talk about when it comes to bpd.
but god, i hate this.

i just want someone to love me the way i love them. he said i would never be too much for him.. but he lied and i don't blame him but GOD i just want to feel loved, that's all i ever wanted. i didn't get affection, attention, love nor care as a child and now i crave it and look for validation from everyone around me. i want to feel loved but i'm scared nobody will be able to love me the way i want them to..

idk what i'm saying, this is probably stupid and doesn't make sense
i just want to be okay but at the same time i don't want to be okay, because if i'm not okay, people will stop caring about me :(

 

[Sulyya]

What you're saying does makes sense - you're understood here.
What have you tried for it? I don't know too much but someone I know has it... might be different though.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really painful and tiring what you have to endure, life really is so unnecessarily cruel and it's awful how people have to suffer all through no fault of their own. But anyway, I wish you the best.