The only ethical way to live with BPD.

[HFK40000]

I have been thinking a lot lately about how my BPD is what causes me the most distress in my life. It causes every relationship to fall it makes it so that every connection I have ends in disappointment. I think the only ethical way for me to continue living is in isolation. I need to distance myself from my current friends and family. I need to take active steps to prevent anyone new from coming into my life. This way there will be no one to hurt me and no one to get attached to me again. I want nothing more than to be in love with someone but, I do not think I am capable of being loved. I think it was always going to come to this.

 

[cheaptrick]

Sometimes I worry I might be somewhat bipolar, what are your symptoms and how do you know you have it? Did you get a diagnosis or is it just obvious from your moods

 

[HFK40000]

Sometimes I worry I might be somewhat bipolar, what are your symptoms and how do you know you have it? Did you get a diagnosis or is it just obvious from your moods

I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder by two separate providers. It is also very obvious with my moods and my actions. If you think you have the condition I suggest reaching out to a licensed psychologist before making any final decisions.

 

[KinderEgg]

I have been thinking a lot lately about how my BPD is what causes me the most distress in my life. It causes every relationship to fall it makes it so that every connection I have ends in disappointment. I think the only ethical way for me to continue living is in isolation. I need to distance myself from my current friends and family. I need to take active steps to prevent anyone new from coming into my life. This way there will be no one to hurt me and no one to get attached to me again. I want nothing more than to be in love with someone but, I do not think I am capable of being loved. I think it was always going to come to this.

I know how you feel. Even when you warn people and they say they can "handle it" they usually never can. It's supposed to be better with DBT though, have you tried any out of curiosity?

 

[valar_morghulis21]

I feel you about isolation is the only way to feel peace

 

[littlebiird]

I have been thinking a lot lately about how my BPD is what causes me the most distress in my life. It causes every relationship to fall it makes it so that every connection I have ends in disappointment. I think the only ethical way for me to continue living is in isolation. I need to distance myself from my current friends and family. I need to take active steps to prevent anyone new from coming into my life. This way there will be no one to hurt me and no one to get attached to me again. I want nothing more than to be in love with someone but, I do not think I am capable of being loved. I think it was always going to come to this.

Just last night I was saying how I think that maybe, just maybe, some of us just aren't supposed to exist in society. (Not in a dead way, but a 'live in a cave' way)
Diagnosed borderline & bipolar.
I genuinely feel like I would be better off if I lived on the very fringes of civilization. Completely sustained, just with no contact with others. For their protection and mine. I can't seem to keep a stable relationship of any kind and it causes me intense pain when it inevitably falls apart.
I know it's not a reasonable desire. But god it would be easier.

I don't have any advice or anything. Idk. But I really do feel you. Because tbh I'm right there with you.

 

[starboy2k]

isolation has its pros and cons.
it's up to the isolated to keep score between the two.
that's the power in choosing it.

 

[HFK40000]

I know how you feel. Even when you warn people and they say they can "handle it" they usually never can. It's supposed to be better with DBT though, have you tried any out of curiosity?

I have tried DBT and it can be helpful but I am just not consistent enough with the skills to notice any substantial effects. What if any experience have you had with DBT?

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Sometimes I worry I might be somewhat bipolar, what are your symptoms and how do you know you have it? Did you get a diagnosis or is it just obvious from your moods

Yes, as you now know, BPD is not bipolar. Two very different disorders (with a few similarities).

I have been thinking a lot lately about how my BPD is what causes me the most distress in my life. It causes every relationship to fall it makes it so that every connection I have ends in disappointment. I think the only ethical way for me to continue living is in isolation. I need to distance myself from my current friends and family. I need to take active steps to prevent anyone new from coming into my life. This way there will be no one to hurt me and no one to get attached to me again. I want nothing more than to be in love with someone but, I do not think I am capable of being loved. I think it was always going to come to this.

As the daughter of someone who I'm certain had BPD, I couldn't agree more, for the protection of the hearts of everyone involved .

 

[HFK40000]

Yes, as you now know, BPD is not bipolar. Two very different disorders (with a few similarities).

As the daughter of someone who I'm certain had BPD, I couldn't agree more, for the protection of the hearts of everyone involved .

It does seem like it's best for everyone if I isolate. I fear that my splitting and emotions cause to much pain.

 

[Kokonoe]

I have been thinking a lot lately about how my BPD is what causes me the most distress in my life. It causes every relationship to fall it makes it so that every connection I have ends in disappointment. I think the only ethical way for me to continue living is in isolation. I need to distance myself from my current friends and family. I need to take active steps to prevent anyone new from coming into my life. This way there will be no one to hurt me and no one to get attached to me again. I want nothing more than to be in love with someone but, I do not think I am capable of being loved. I think it was always going to come to this.

i feel this a lot. this is also what i'm doing. it feels like the only way to live with BPD, but idk if you can really call this living...
loneliness and isolation is painful, but at least it's less painful than people.

 

[sadbh—itstimetogo🤎]

I understand your thought process.

Selfishly, it's also better to not be attached to people. I am so much more stable when I don't have a crush or anyone I'm anxiously worrying about. I am so grateful when I'm not attached to someone, because it feels like uncontrolled psychosis when I am obsessed with someone. And it's not rational or fair to anyone.

 

[Kokonoe]

I understand your thought process.

Selfishly, it's also better to not be attached to people. I am so much more stable when I don't have a crush or anyone I'm anxiously worrying about. I am so grateful when I'm not attached to someone, because it feels like uncontrolled psychosis when I am obsessed with someone. And it's not rational or fair to anyone.

if only it were possible to simply just not be attached to anyone ever, lol...
if it was my life would be so much easier.

 

[DelicateLupus]

Totally agree. Every time I get attached to people I wish I had never met them. I had met two people who genuinely made me feel like I had a chance, and then that seems to be gone for reasons that don't even seem to be under my control. I can't like with people and I can't live without them. It's brutal.

 

[Ashu]

It's ethical to have relationships with other similarly fucked up people.

 

[HFK40000]

i feel this a lot. this is also what i'm doing. it feels like the only way to live with BPD, but idk if you can really call this living...
loneliness and isolation is painful, but at least it's less painful than people.

I totally agree. I don't know if what I'm doing right now constitutes living. It's like what Benatar says how there is a difference between a life worth living and a life worth continuing. Being alone and isolated makes all my symptoms so much more worse but, somehow it's better than the alternative. It's a type of pain that is indescribable to those without BPD.

I understand your thought process.

Selfishly, it's also better to not be attached to people. I am so much more stable when I don't have a crush or anyone I'm anxiously worrying about. I am so grateful when I'm not attached to someone, because it feels like uncontrolled psychosis when I am obsessed with someone. And it's not rational or fair to anyone.

I feel the same way. It's unfair to those I attach on to. It's what ruined the relationship with my ex. I believe she was the love of my life and it hurts everyday knowing she won't be in my life.

 

[sadbh—itstimetogo🤎]

I understand your thought process.

Selfishly, it's also better to not be attached to people. I am so much more stable when I don't have a crush or anyone I'm anxiously worrying about. I am so grateful when I'm not attached to someone, because it feels like uncontrolled psychosis when I am obsessed with someone. And it's not rational or fair to anyone.

To be more specific here, I thought I wasn't attached to anyone. But I can't stop thinking about the nurses I got attached to at the psych hospital 6+ weeks ago. So.

 

[nettspend]

I also have BPD and come to the same conclusion after every break up or major failure. I end up isolating myself for a few months, just laying in bed. Then I get tired of it and I either attempt suicide or I start to pick up the pieces and try to rebuild my life. Then when I'm at a decent point, back in school, in a new relationship, starting to make friends etc, it all falls apart again. I've gone through this 3-4 times since I was 15.

BPD really is demonic. It's like having a phobia of doing well. Being in love is just distressing, having any sort of trust or responsibility is horrifying. So you just ruin it and flee, until you again realize that love and trust are the only things worth living for. So you try again. Fail again. Forever it goes on. Just breaking you down. In a lot of these cases you come out as the villain: you're the one who suddenly broke up and ghosted, for example. So you start to hate yourself for hurting others, and for ruining yourself. The hate makes you want to ruin yourself even further.

I wish I had a solution to offer you.

 

[Hystearical]

I have tried DBT and it can be helpful but I am just not consistent enough with the skills to notice any substantial effects. What if any experience have you had with DBT?

Then excuse the boldness but please continue to try. The efficicacy of these therapies also depends a lot on who is facilitating them. That's more reasonable and fair to you than just subjecting yourself to lifelong painful isolation and solitude. You still have current relationships with family and friends that haven't failed yet. Be wary about spinning a defeatist, self-fulfilling prophecy.

You're not an evil person just because you have certain disturbances in the way you are. Other people with the same diagnosis and how they may be or behave doesn't have to be a cemented model for how you will always be.

Even just based on what you have shared here I really wouldn't doubt that you have the capability to learn and truly assimilate what you need to from your experiences. You don't have to conflate subjecting yourself to something that will be more painful on balance with living ethically.

Just my standpoint. You're free to dismiss as you wish of course. Especially since on the other hand I fully grant that people are pain. *shrugs*

 

[Platypus3]

I am bipolar and my family abandons me every time, they're very selfish and don't understand my mental situation. I don't like the isolation feeling i get I feel abandoned when i'm alone probably from a lot of trauma throughout my entire life. Can't wait to CTB tbh I'm trying my best to gather proper resources.

 

[HFK40000]

Then excuse the boldness but please continue to try. The efficicacy of these therapies also depend a lot on who is facilitating them. That's more reasonable and fair to you than just subjecting yourself to lifelong painful isolation and solitude. You still have current relationships with family and friends that haven't failed yet. Be wary about spinning a defeatist, self-fulfilling prophecy.

You're not an evil person just because you have certain disturbances in the way you are. Other people with the same diagnosis and how they may be or behave doesn't have to be a cemented model for how you will always be.

Even just based on what you have shared here I really wouldn't doubt that you have the capability to learn and truly assimilate what you need to from your experiences. You don't have to conflate subjecting yourself to something that will be more painful on balance with living ethically.

Just my standpoint. You're free to dismiss as you wish of course. Especially since on the other hand I fully grant that people are pain. *shrugs*

Thank you for the direct answer. I am willing to try therapy again once I get my feet under myself.

I am very grateful for the people in my life still and after spending some time with them a week ago I do want to get better for their sake.

Thank you for saying that I'm not evil (even if that is how I feel sometimes). I often feel like I hurt and push people away unintentionally and it kills me. I think I get to a point where I am able to assimilate and find my place in the world. My two biggest dreams are to sit in a room with people and connect with them but, more importantly I want to find love. I think of I try I can find it. It's just hard to see through the fog of metal illnesses.

I am bipolar and my family abandons me every time, they're very selfish and don't understand my mental situation. I don't like the isolation feeling i get I feel abandoned when i'm alone probably from a lot of trauma throughout my entire life. Can't wait to CTB tbh I'm trying my best to gather proper resources.

My family is very much the same. They don't understand how severe my mental health is and they always think I'm overreacting and dismiss my feelings and it hurts.