My plan right now

[luma]

I know no one asked, but I think this is the only place I can say this without any judgement. I really want to get it off my chest.

I've decided that I will attempt to become a singer/music artist and production assistant, and if I succeed (meaning I'm able to live as comfortably as I can with the money I make), I'll try to keep living. While I would still rather die, I hate the thought of my loved ones suffering from my absence, and this is the most bearable career path I can take. If I can find someone I deeply love who will take care of me for the rest of my life (financially, emotionally, etc.), I will continue living, even if I don't succeed career-wise. If I don't succeed, and I haven't found that someone, then I will CTB. By that time, my parents will likely be dead, and I will feel less guilty about CTB. I refuse to live a life I don't want, so I think it's a win-win either way...though I know my loved ones wouldn't agree, and I'm very sorry to them if I end up CTB.

Thanks for reading.

 

[ThisPartySucks]

honestly, it sounds like you have the potential for recovery if you get the right attention you need for your mind. no matter what you decide, i support you.