fantastic_unicorn
Member
- Mar 23, 2024
- 63
I know a lot of you saw my previous post of my medical nightmare the past few months. I really don't want to ctb but for fucks sake not only do I have a slew of medical issues that are only described through my words..which makes me look whack! I LOVE THAT by the way. I also love being youngish and in so much agonizing pain but I LOOK JUST FINE.
I lost my career which I can't ever get back now. I worked my ass off for years for this career. Spent many many many many hours risking my life doing very sketchy life-threatening things for it on the daily for hours on end working for absolute pennies and nope never had an issue there. bye-bye career I loved so much.
I love reading articles like "how to write a suicide note." are you fucking kidding. this is my life right now. articulating the best suicide note I can write with screeching tinnitus, a headache I've had for seven months, face pain, vision problems, nerve pain, muscle twitching, neuropathy, rocking boat feeling, the list goes on and on and on.
Anyway, I couldn't care less about my career at this point. I can figure that shit out. I can figure anything out if I had a body that wasn't fucked. I can't take another morning waking up from a good dream to reality and being in a blind panic that I'm still stuck in this dysfunctional WRECK of a body.
I hate watching my body go from being strong and capable to a skinny pale skeleton. I'm sassy af tonight. I'm sorry but I'm so OVER THE GASLIGHTING. You know I love having debilitating physical issues that are invisible. I'd rather have busted my bones up into a million pieces. At least then they can see it. I wake up, panic, cry, take opioids, read this forum, go to bed. Wow, great life. Can't wait to have to end it myself and be deemed selfish and weak.
I hope I have the strength to leave soon cause at least I remember my life before all this bullshit happened and can think of the happy days before everything is overshadowed by this BULLSHIT. I WILL wind up getting addicted to opioids and alcohol.
Which I never touched in my life.. until now! I get it now guys. The sooner, the better in a hopeless situation. I see it so differently now. I hate my trajectory right now. It's not good at all. I'd rather not spiral for years and then go. I'd rather go while I still have my shit somewhat together. I want people to remember me for being the person I was before all of this.
Love to all those who read this. Thanks! I'm sure there will be more to come. Can these posts ever be deleted? Lol. Doesn't matter. Time to go get my fuckin Xanax now. I'm scared but the prospect of being in this body for 50 years is WAY scarier!
I lost my career which I can't ever get back now. I worked my ass off for years for this career. Spent many many many many hours risking my life doing very sketchy life-threatening things for it on the daily for hours on end working for absolute pennies and nope never had an issue there. bye-bye career I loved so much.
I love reading articles like "how to write a suicide note." are you fucking kidding. this is my life right now. articulating the best suicide note I can write with screeching tinnitus, a headache I've had for seven months, face pain, vision problems, nerve pain, muscle twitching, neuropathy, rocking boat feeling, the list goes on and on and on.
Anyway, I couldn't care less about my career at this point. I can figure that shit out. I can figure anything out if I had a body that wasn't fucked. I can't take another morning waking up from a good dream to reality and being in a blind panic that I'm still stuck in this dysfunctional WRECK of a body.
I hate watching my body go from being strong and capable to a skinny pale skeleton. I'm sassy af tonight. I'm sorry but I'm so OVER THE GASLIGHTING. You know I love having debilitating physical issues that are invisible. I'd rather have busted my bones up into a million pieces. At least then they can see it. I wake up, panic, cry, take opioids, read this forum, go to bed. Wow, great life. Can't wait to have to end it myself and be deemed selfish and weak.
I hope I have the strength to leave soon cause at least I remember my life before all this bullshit happened and can think of the happy days before everything is overshadowed by this BULLSHIT. I WILL wind up getting addicted to opioids and alcohol.
Which I never touched in my life.. until now! I get it now guys. The sooner, the better in a hopeless situation. I see it so differently now. I hate my trajectory right now. It's not good at all. I'd rather not spiral for years and then go. I'd rather go while I still have my shit somewhat together. I want people to remember me for being the person I was before all of this.
Love to all those who read this. Thanks! I'm sure there will be more to come. Can these posts ever be deleted? Lol. Doesn't matter. Time to go get my fuckin Xanax now. I'm scared but the prospect of being in this body for 50 years is WAY scarier!
