Has anyone lost all residual will to live following the death of a loved one (human or animal)? I lost my dog unexpectedly last month and shortly after the shock wore off, I was entirely sure that I don't want to continue living in this shithole world without him. He saved me from my constant severe depression that started when I was 19 and gradually got worse (I'm 30 now). He was my emotional support animal and the only light in my life. I literally lived for him. And now that he's gone I have zero purpose or motivation to do a fucking thing.
People in my life (who are quickly pulling away from me) tell me "it will get better everyday" or "it's grief, you just have to make it through and learn to live without him. Your dog is always with you"
Like what the fuck? No, he's not with me. Otherwise I wouldn't want to die. My soul died with his and what's left is the cursed meat bag of my physical body that goes through endless torture, crying, and relentless looping thoughts of wanting to die all day, everyday.
Anyway, if anyone else can relate to grief being the last straw for you, especially grief over a fur baby, I'd love to hear
Omg I'm so incredibly sorry I know exactly how painful that is. I had a dog for 16 years, he went through everything with me all my ups and downs. He was literally my life, my everything, my other half.
He understood me so well as I understood him. At time what I was in deep depressions I used to say to myself that I don't deserve him, that he'd be better off with someone else but I'd think again and realized that no matter how depressed I was and no matter the fact that I couldn't really play with him or take him for long walks, that didn't matter to him all he wanted was me.
The love between is was unimaginable.
To me he wasn't a dog he was my son.
The day he died half of me died and the hole I was never able to fill. He died a few years ago, in his last year he was very sick I mean he had a herniated disc, almost couldn't see, couldn't walk well.
He was on medications but his last 6 months he refused to eat. I used to put the pill in his favorite treat and I would give it to him but he would turn his head away, I would cry and tell him come on good boy eat your treat but he wouldn't and it rip my heart apart to see him in that condition. I know many of you guys might think I should have put him to sleep but it was so incredibly difficult I knew he was sick but in a delusional way I kept hoping he'd get better but he didn't in the end I had the discussion with my mother, who was constantly telling me how selfish I was, we decided to put him down and she refused to let me go with him, be there in his last moments. My mom said that I was going to make a scene and that I wouldn't be able to handle it, she brought him back home buried him in the back yard and I wasn't there for any of it. I now live with the guilt of not being by his side in his last moments. After that I was in bed for like 8 months completely inconsolable,crying night and day.
little by little I was able to go on with life but half of me was gone, that half will never be filled and when I think about what will happen when I ctb, my biggest hope is that I will be reunited with him.
So I completely understand you 1000%
and what enraged me are the people that would say he's just a dog, (not to my face of course) he's better than any human being I've ever met.
I wish I could give you some advice because I know you're hurting so badly but just think about one day reuniting with him on the other side.
I don't want to tell you that time heals all wounds cause there are some that can't be healed but I believe and know that the shock will wear off eventually, but you'll always feel that emptiness. I'm sorry I know this is not helping at all but I just wanted you to know that what you're feeling is normal and if you want to talk about it you can message me anytime.
Again I'm truly sorry for your loss.
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