NSFW about sex & relationships

[Lawliet]

first off: i know this is going to be an unpopular opinion and i'm fine with that.

i'm making this because there are so many threads about not wanting to die a virgin or being ashamed of being a certain age and not having a relationship, and i am here to tell you that sex and relationships aren't everything. i think it's fucked up that society holds the standards that everyone has to get married and have kids when it's one of the most difficult things possible to make work. i have had a few relationships and i've had sex in the past with varying degrees of happiness and i'm not interested in pursuing more.

i grew up with so much pressure to date, get married, and procreate as an ex-mormon. there's even special branches called "single's wards" for the sole purpose of pairing people up.

an individual's worth shouldn't be judged on how many people they've been with or what they've done, etc. i just hope that more people, no matter their age or gender or sexuality, can be more confident in their individuality.

i think it's fantastic when someone's able to find another person to connect with or to want that, and i feel for those who have had relationships end in disaster. i just think if our society wasn't so relationship-based, we would have a lot less problems.

and that's what i wanted to say.

 

[Zegers]

i think it's fantastic when someone's able to find another person to connect with

It feels like hit the jackpot

 

[Rounded Apathy]

Unpopular both here and in general, but not untrue. I've had three long term relationships/partnerships and some fun times with others outside of those, and you know what? It makes it sting all the worse now that I am not able to have those things. Because I can remember that feeling of existing as part of a self greater than this discreet skin bag. Because I know the benefit it can bring, as countless studies have shown (though the effects aren't exclusive to intimate/romantic relationships). Because I am not exempt from feelings of poor worth in the present despite a previous incarnation of myself having had those things.

It's a different kind of pain, but it is a pain nonetheless. The grass is always greener, as they say. That expression rings true almost universally. People who idealize having a partner never idealize having an abusive one (been there), or one who you still love but at the same time want to leave (check there too), or one you foresee being with indefinitely but then one day leaves you, completely out of the blue (also had, 0/10 don't recommend). What many of them want is the same idealized thing that those who have only had things not work out want. They want indefinite satisfaction, as humans usually do with everything. And the fact of the matter is that when it comes to other people, this is maybe even more unrealistic than it otherwise is...which is already completely unrealistic.

 

[Julgran]

sex and relationships aren't everything.

It has been said that loneliness can be as dangerous as smoking a pack of cigarettes per day - it brings with it depression and mental anguish that's hard to compare to anything else.

i think it's fucked up that society holds the standards that everyone has to get married and have kids when it's one of the most difficult things possible to make work.

You are correct! Sex and relationships should be voluntary for each individual, and I see no point in caring about anyone else's sex life or relationsship status.

i grew up with so much pressure to date, get married, and procreate as an ex-mormon. there's even special branches called "single's wards" for the sole purpose of pairing people up.

Oh! Our society could probably learn from such meet-up groups, though, given that no one is forced into it.

an individual's worth shouldn't be judged on how many people they've been with or what they've done, etc. i just hope that more people, no matter their age or gender or sexuality, can be more confident in their individuality.

Precisely! Having sex or being in a relationship should be something that one enjoys on their own, like any other leisure activity.

i think it's fantastic when someone's able to find another person to connect with or to want that, and i feel for those who have had relationships end in disaster. i just think if our society wasn't so relationship-based, we would have a lot less problems.

Since we are having such a hook-up culture today, instead of people actually pairing up and forming relationships, the focus on relationsships seems to be fading into non-existence rapdily, anyway.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

The pressure exists for everyone in society, it seems, not just for those who are religious. But I agree with your last point. I feel like a big part of people having suicidal thoughts comes from the idea that they aren't loved at all, not even in a romantic sense but in a general sense, so I suppose a lack of romantic connection can make those feelings worse.

 

[hamvil]

first off: i know this is going to be an unpopular opinion and i'm fine with that.

i'm making this because there are so many threads about not wanting to die a virgin or being ashamed of being a certain age and not having a relationship, and i am here to tell you that sex and relationships aren't everything. i think it's fucked up that society holds the standards that everyone has to get married and have kids when it's one of the most difficult things possible to make work. i have had a few relationships and i've had sex in the past with varying degrees of happiness and i'm not interested in pursuing more.

i grew up with so much pressure to date, get married, and procreate as an ex-mormon. there's even special branches called "single's wards" for the sole purpose of pairing people up.

an individual's worth shouldn't be judged on how many people they've been with or what they've done, etc. i just hope that more people, no matter their age or gender or sexuality, can be more confident in their individuality.

i think it's fantastic when someone's able to find another person to connect with or to want that, and i feel for those who have had relationships end in disaster. i just think if our society wasn't so relationship-based, we would have a lot less problems.

and that's what i wanted to say.

I think the pressure exists even if we do not consider religion. Our society strongly encourages people to get together and procreate. The pressure for dating at a certain age, people asking you if you have kids at another age, etc. Males feel in particular peer pressure about having sex. Maybe also feeling but to a lesser extent.

I would put having a relationship as a more important achievement than having sex but this is often a consideration that you can do after you had quite a few of those. After you do it a few times sex becomes routing, yes it is pleasant but at least for me I prefer having a real mental connection with the other person before having sex. They use to call such people sapiosexual usually.

I do not get much this idea of not wanting to die virgin. Having sex before going away will not make the process better and you will probably not even like it particularly. I would not be too obsessed about this. But everybody is different I guess.

 

[Sardonia]

Yeah I know what you mean. I've not really had any sexual desire at all for the last years. I get annoyed when I check the newspapers and it's sex related articles everywhere. I wish I didn't have to have it shoved in my face so often.

 

[TiredLostHope20]

20 year old virgin here. Im overall happy to die a virgin as that's the only thing that hasn't been taken away from me.

 

[lofticries]

I just wanna lose my virginity out of curiosity and possibly fulfill a few kinks of mine. Whether it turns out to be shit or not really doesn't matter. Also I have no interest in a serious relationship and actually detest the thought of getting pregnant.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I agree that romantic/sexual relationships are overrated, but these are viewed as the only close relationships you can have during adulthood, since everyone else is pairing off and having kids.

Living without a family or friends traps you into pursuing romance, out of sheer desperation. It would be nice if there were a greater emphasis on having more platonic relationships (that could develop into familial like bonds with enough time) as opposed to the expectation that you dump all your eggs in one basket with a romantic partner.

If a person can be happier and survive being alone, all the more power to them. There is a huge loneliness epidemic though, so many people who are completely isolated fall into the trap that getting laid and partnering up will fix the problem. Which in a way, it does, but it is easy to become dependent on one person as your primary source of socialisation, leading to heartbreak if and when they leave.

Relationships in this day and age are very ephemeral. I think we are all hungry, starving for affection, and because no one is getting any crumbs (friends, acquaintances, mentors) they think going straight for the feast (romance) will solve their sadness.

Sex has also become a commodity. Virgins who have idealised the act as something raw, intimate, and meaningful, will often end up disappointed due to hook up and ghosting culture. A lot of people don't seem to want the act itself, they want the love that accompanies being intimate with a partner during romantic sex. This sets one up for disappointment, because many people my age don't view sex this way, as some sacred or special thing. It's super casual to them, and not seen as a big deal.

It is really hard to have genuine relationships when dating apps, social media, and the on demand instant access to damming info provided by the internet in general has warped social expectations of sex and romance.

 

[jodes2]

Sex is overrated. Life is overrated. Relationships just help ease loneliness, nothing less, nothing more

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I don't care about sex, it's hard not to miss past relationships and I miss cuddles and I just want to belong to someone and vice versa. I agree with that it's a nightmare having something great and then losing it. I don't understand the focus on sex for some people but I think everyone's different. I might be in a minority, because for me it's intimate & special and I've always wanted a partner. I don't get love from anywhere else (family, teenage friends) so maybe that's why, but for one it's hard for me personally not being in one even if its not hard for others.

That said, they definitely aren't that great, even the best ones. They can be stressful and if you're in a good one you don't want to lose it. If you're in a bad one, that can suck and make everything much worse, you might never recover.

There are too many places online to experience "sex" or fantasize, so I don't find its a big deal, and you can pay for it IRL if its that a big deal to experience it one time, its not even expensive. It's much harder to find an actual person to seriously romanticise with what feels like a real connection etc. There aren't really places that fulfill that need, you have to actually find someone and unlike sex its not a once and done thing, because if you breakup it sucks emotionally. Otherwise it just feels hollow and makes you feel worse if there's no real connection. A lot of relationships do that too, so I agree they shouldn't be idealised.

 

[Lawliet]

It has been said that loneliness can be as dangerous as smoking a pack of cigarettes per day - it brings with it depression and mental anguish that's hard to compare to anything else.

i'm definitely lonely, i would like to have friends. what i should have specified is romantic and sexual relationships, not platonic ones.

The pressure exists for everyone in society, it seems, not just for those who are religious.

I think the pressure exists even if we do not consider religion. Our society strongly encourages people to get together and procreate. The pressure for dating at a certain age, people asking you if you have kids at another age, etc. Males feel in particular peer pressure about having sex. Maybe also feeling but to a lesser extent.

you're both absolutely right!!

 

[Zegers]

Todays people dont want friend relations, they want make out, get laid, date multiple persons and show off what they have and you dont.