Venting please help me (relationship)

[dump224477]

Before anyone says "just talk to them"
i have brought this up so many times and i don't want to come off as controlling so no.

lately, my boyfriend and i have been on what seems like a downfall. we barely call once a week, and when we do, it's for like less than 3 hours.

for the last three months, he has been calling with his friends and it feels as if he's been completely neglecting me.

i am going insane, i can't speak up about how i feel and how i wished he spend more time with me because first off, i am fucking boring and don't want to torture him with my presence, and second i don't want to come off as clingy or controlling or make him feel as if i depend on him (but i do 100 percent)

i'm not exaggerating when i say this, he is the ONLY "friend" i have (aka only person i talk to) so im guessing that's why this is taking such a big toll on me?? i don't know what to do

suicide is becoming more like an option more and more recently, yeah whatever call me dramatic, i hate how im feeling like this and just have to fucking put up with it.

our relationship isn't bad and i'm not including any context so i can assume if people think this relationship is doomed

im just a fucking mess really, a stupid idiotic depressed lonely girl who fully depends on her boyfriend for happiness and fulfillment

honestly, the stress and anxiety i get from thinking about losing him makes me want to kill myself as soon as possible so i don't ever have to deal with that pain

how long until my liver gives out? i take so many pills and do terrible things to myself to try and slowly kill myself

i just want friends tbh

 

[Demian]

Hello my friend!

Relationships are complicated! Everyone feels differently.

What worries me is this relationship of 100% emotional dependence.

If you depend on someone emotionally, you'll never be happy.

You shouldn't give all your happiness to someone else.

Never kill yourself because of a boyfriend, girlfriend or anyone else.

And whenever you want to let off steam, you can talk to us.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

If you've already brought this up with him and he has yet even try and do anything about it then you could just breakup with him. I know it sounds a bit extreme, but this relationship honestly doesn't seem healthy for either of you. Depending on others or on external pleasures for happiness is just going to lead you down a path of despair and will only worsen any pain that you are going through. Along with that, using your boyfriend as your main source of happiness and fulfillment is likely bound to end in disaster.

Otherwise, the only other advice I can think of is the one you already claimed you've done before. You talk to him about this but, if you haven't already, try going more in-depth on your feelings and perspective on the whole matter. Try to communicate the worry and pain that you feel over this as best as you can. That's all I can think of... There isn't much advice to be given. Also, calling once a week for less than 3 hours doesn't seem that bad. How long were guys even talking on the phone before for having a phone that lasts less than 3 hours to considered something to worry about?

 

[mainlanders_son]

Please don't CBT because of your shitty boyfriend.

 

[vitbar]

i'm not exaggerating when i say this, he is the ONLY "friend" i have (aka only person i talk to) so im guessing that's why this is taking such a big toll on me?? i don't know what to do

i just want friends tbh

The fewer people in your life the more they tend to matter. At least that's how it is for me. It's harder to deal with things if it's just you. It's harder to let go of bad relationships if that means being totally alone. It's part of the reason manipulators try to isolate people (not saying he is one to be clear).

I realise it's not always so easy, but trying to get some independence from him would be healthy imo. It might even improve the relationship as it'll be less one sided. I can't really offer advice on how to make friends beyond the usual stuff as I struggle to get out at all because of social anxiety.

 

[Alatus_Nemeseos]

Hey dump I'm sorry to hear how much pain you're going through, I dont want to mimic too much from what the others have said because they're all very good points. Having your life fully dependent on your partner who doesn't seem to reciprocated that shows a very big imbalance between the two of you

I'm going to ask a bunch of dumb classic questions ever quack does. Do you have any other hobbies or interests that you enjoy doing? Are you a music fan? Why do you think you don't have friends? Would you like some? What's your family like? I'm gaging what sort of support network do you habe outside of your boyfriend

You must be feeling very alone and extremely on edge with alot of unsiprocated feelings. I'll start by saying that there will be a time when yes you will need to confront your boyfriend how you feel. Though in the meantime you can seek out companionship and community from either somewhere else or even here..I'm sure there are plenty of women or guys who'd offer their time to get to know you so you don't feel as alone and more importantly as dependent on your boyfriend

I can relate to your situation heavily, though I do have other reasons for ctb but one of them I have a major red flag that my happiness is bound by someone I love. I wished it wasn't I was dead set on killing myself this week until I told her finally how bad I was and she came and spoke to me for the whole night. The issue is... she's not my girlfriend and it's sort of a complicated relationship. So I realised that if I truly don't want to catch the bus then I too need to find my own source of happiness and it cannot come from her even though just being together puts me in a bliss so pure that no darkness can get in. It honestly feels like a dream.

I always think of it like this. Your in the cold during the blizzard and your boyfriend is this beautiful fire that you're drawn to that keeps you warm but the moment he's gone you're back in the blizzard and suffering the harsh cold of life. If you want to live you need to find your own source of heat. And more importantly not a fire that will end up having you burned. It's already a red flag seeing you say you'd kill yourself if you two ending. His life is no more important then yours. And you shouldn't throw your life away because of a quack of a boyfriend if things go south no partner should hold that much power over you to the point your life is in their hands.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket, diversify and try and grant yourself more people who you can depend on instead of a boyfriend you speak to only once a week.

And who knows maybe what's happen is that you realise instead of killing yourself you'll know that you deserve someone who's willing to put more time into you and decide to break things off.

But I wouldn't go too extreme just yet

My tldr is before you catch the bus
Try and find friends or community (even this one) where you're able to emotionally rely less on your boyfriend

And build the strength and resilience to have a serious talk with him about how you are.

And finally the part that I cannot help you with
But it really is trying to ensure you never pin your happiness on just one person especially if it doesn't seem reciprocated.

Best advice I can give anyone here who's suicidal and actively wants to catch the bus is well.. you got nothing to lose.. seriously if youre truly that willing in wanting to kill yourself so there's alot of power and freedom that can come from that. You're already technically at the worst it could ever get if you're committing suicide which means it opens up options where you got nothing to lose.

That's assuming you actively are pursuing catching the bus. But remember above all else the bus is always here waiting for when or if you're ready and from the sound of things.. its not your time to catch it just yet. You still got more to gamble and lose so it doesn't have to end this way.
Instead find something else that can empower you, reach out to others and try to diversity your support network. You think your boring? Then dm me and try me? No one's boring it's just we may lack interesting things compared to others. You have a wealth of thoughts and feelings and experiences and I can assure you.. none of that is boring. You've lived a life worth of memories and stories that have the potential to be interesting. Don't set yourself too short!

I sincerely wish you the best of luck in whatever you do. Thank you for sharing your story for me today and seriously take care and be kind to yourself. Because at least that way someone else will <3

 

[lnlybnny]

i understand you. you're not alone. as much as i'm cold and distant in my relationships a lot of the times, i'm still emotionally attached, it feels good to know i have someone there for when i feel needy. never stayed single for too long. also don't have friends besides them. i panic so much at the thought of having to end things, when we argue i get physically sick, it's awful. i plan to end things before ctb, maybe... it's difficult

 

[cosmic_traveler]

Before anyone says "just talk to them"
i have brought this up so many times and i don't want to come off as controlling so no.

lately, my boyfriend and i have been on what seems like a downfall. we barely call once a week, and when we do, it's for like less than 3 hours.

for the last three months, he has been calling with his friends and it feels as if he's been completely neglecting me.

i am going insane, i can't speak up about how i feel and how i wished he spend more time with me because first off, i am fucking boring and don't want to torture him with my presence, and second i don't want to come off as clingy or controlling or make him feel as if i depend on him (but i do 100 percent)

i'm not exaggerating when i say this, he is the ONLY "friend" i have (aka only person i talk to) so im guessing that's why this is taking such a big toll on me?? i don't know what to do

suicide is becoming more like an option more and more recently, yeah whatever call me dramatic, i hate how im feeling like this and just have to fucking put up with it.

our relationship isn't bad and i'm not including any context so i can assume if people think this relationship is doomed

im just a fucking mess really, a stupid idiotic depressed lonely girl who fully depends on her boyfriend for happiness and fulfillment

honestly, the stress and anxiety i get from thinking about losing him makes me want to kill myself as soon as possible so i don't ever have to deal with that pain

how long until my liver gives out? i take so many pills and do terrible things to myself to try and slowly kill myself

i just want friends tbh

Whenever there is a breakdown in communication, it's never 1 party's fault. When any 2 people in any type of relationship have difficulties it's both of their responsibilities to correct it.

As others have mentioned, it's not a healthy relationship to rely on your partner for your happiness. In our opinion, it's not 2 halves that make a whole. It's 2 whole people that make a whole relationship.

We're sorry you're hurting so much. The only advice we can offer to making friends is to identify a subject/topic/activity you love. Then, go to where other people enjoy the same things. You won't instantly be friends, but those people will be friendly to that thing you love.

We wish you peace. Be well on your journey.

 

[Untimely]

Before anyone says "just talk to them"
i have brought this up so many times and i don't want to come off as controlling so no.

lately, my boyfriend and i have been on what seems like a downfall. we barely call once a week, and when we do, it's for like less than 3 hours.

for the last three months, he has been calling with his friends and it feels as if he's been completely neglecting me.

i am going insane, i can't speak up about how i feel and how i wished he spend more time with me because first off, i am fucking boring and don't want to torture him with my presence, and second i don't want to come off as clingy or controlling or make him feel as if i depend on him (but i do 100 percent)

i'm not exaggerating when i say this, he is the ONLY "friend" i have (aka only person i talk to) so im guessing that's why this is taking such a big toll on me?? i don't know what to do

suicide is becoming more like an option more and more recently, yeah whatever call me dramatic, i hate how im feeling like this and just have to fucking put up with it.

our relationship isn't bad and i'm not including any context so i can assume if people think this relationship is doomed

im just a fucking mess really, a stupid idiotic depressed lonely girl who fully depends on her boyfriend for happiness and fulfillment

honestly, the stress and anxiety i get from thinking about losing him makes me want to kill myself as soon as possible so i don't ever have to deal with that pain

how long until my liver gives out? i take so many pills and do terrible things to myself to try and slowly kill myself

i just want friends tbh

I think you should just split off from him if he isn't interested in talking to you, and at the best case tell him that he isn't treating you right