Is a relationship without fighting, love?

[melancholymallory03]

My friend said something quite rattling to me tonight. She said if you have a relationship without fighting, jealousy and arguments it's not love at all.
Humans are so f%cking confusing

I too , but wow.
My brains really chewuing this one up

Is there even such thing as a stable relationship

I have been writing my goodbye letters and getting rid of stuff for a few weeks now,
I've donated almost everything.
I'm leaving the date up to me loosely still but I suppose I've got a few more things to do before I kick the bucket.

And now and for sure this little thing will take up atleast a paragaph.

Do you think we all grew up believing love was pain?

Are we permanently f{cked
Probably

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I personally wouldn't say that a relationship without fights and arguments isn't love but I think the point your friend was trying to make is that fights and arguments within human relationships are inevitable (due to how we're human and primitive). I feel like it's a weird point to make overall as it most likely could be possible to form a relationship without arguing but I feel like that would require two neurodivergent minds as the nature of neurotypicals is such that they will eventually argue with each other when the time comes. However, the point of a relationship is to solve the arguments and jealousy and other issues together instead of escalating even further. If a relationship is only made up of arguments, it perhaps isn't a relationship worth being in but a relationship with some arguments is human nature

 

[escape_from_hell]

No. My most recent and most loving very long term relationship was mostly free of fighting, jealousy, and arguments.
It is impossible to never have an occasion where someone is annoyed a little bit, or snippy or in a bad mood, or someone yells a couple times when frustrated or something. But a lot of fighting and arguing does not make a loving relationship. That relationship was harmonious and the best time of my life, but I ruined it by taking it for granted and moving to another country for what I thought was advancing my life.

I can't say fighting and arguing means it is not loving necessarily. But I had a horrible long term relationship filled with arguments and strife once. I put up with it for far too long and looking back it's clear that she did not love me and was trying to use me like an accessory or something for her life and I naively tried to pour my heart into the relationship out of care while trying to stand up for myself. It was very stressful and a huge waste of life and energy. I would never endure a relationship that is not mostly harmonious ever again, because I do not enjoy stress, anxiety, and drama. Thus, I also would never have kids (aside from how evil it is to bring kids here to begin with).

 

[N33dT0D13]

A relationship without fighting could be love, or it could be abusive or largely one-sided with one party being afraid to speak up. I say this as someone who was basically raised to be codependent and accept / stay quiet in the face of mistreatment or unhappiness, and who is also very happily single at the moment...

Maybe not happy in general but happy to not be with someone where I don't feel comfortable or safe voicing disagreement.

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

i was raised in a family where physical harm and violent threats and abuse were "Acts of passion" and that's just what real love was. without the violence, there's no passion.

i always found that incredibly backwards and i think this is a mentality people consign themselves to because they are raised to believe by their own parents and their abuse that that's just true love to them. i just don't agree with this at all. it's like saying even a friendship is meaningless if you never have fights. the healthiest friendships i have are ones i've never had fights with.

all my previous relationships were such shit simply because the person was an aggressive and abusive weirdo. there was no "passion" behind those actions.

it's normal to fight and have jealousy in relationships but that does not make it "true" anything, and anyone who believes this was raised the exact same way i was. it's lifetime movie bs.

 

[Untimely]

My friend said something quite rattling to me tonight. She said if you have a relationship without fighting, jealousy and arguments it's not love at all.
Humans are so f%cking confusing

I too , but wow.
My brains really chewuing this one up

Is there even such thing as a stable relationship

I have been writing my goodbye letters and getting rid of stuff for a few weeks now,
I've donated almost everything.
I'm leaving the date up to me loosely still but I suppose I've got a few more things to do before I kick the bucket.

And now and for sure this little thing will take up atleast a paragaph.

Do you think we all grew up believing love was pain?

Are we permanently f{cked
Probably

no

 

[melancholymallory03]

I personally wouldn't say that a relationship without fights and arguments isn't love but I think the point your friend was trying to make is that fights and arguments within human relationships are inevitable (due to how we're human and primitive). I feel like it's a weird point to make overall as it most likely could be possible to form a relationship without arguing but I feel like that would require two neurodivergent minds as the nature of neurotypicals is such that they will eventually argue with each other when the time comes. However, the point of a relationship is to solve the arguments and jealousy and other issues together instead of escalating even further. If a relationship is only made up of arguments, it perhaps isn't a relationship worth being in but a relationship with some arguments is human nature

Thank youu that makes a lot of sense actually and gives me some stuff to think over I guess life's a big grey area. I always thought maybe if a person didn't argue they didn't love eachother because jealousy would have to be a trait of love. What I wasn't realizing lol was jealousy isn't a trait of love, although it could be, jealousy's an emotion everyone experiences I suppose. Sometimes I feel like I have many surface level relationships for this reason because deeper emotions are f%%%ing scary

i was raised in a family where physical harm and violent threats and abuse were "Acts of passion" and that's just what real love was. without the violence, there's no passion.

i always found that incredibly backwards and i think this is a mentality people consign themselves to because they are raised to believe by their own parents and their abuse that that's just true love to them. i just don't agree with this at all. it's like saying even a friendship is meaningless if you never have fights. the healthiest friendships i have are ones i've never had fights with.

all my previous relationships were such shit simply because the person was an aggressive and abusive weirdo. there was no "passion" behind those actions.

it's normal to fight and have jealousy in relationships but that does not make it "true" anything, and anyone who believes this was raised the exact same way i was. it's lifetime movie bs.

Thank you for sharing , I'm sorry that happened to you.
Yeah people and relationships are confusing …. Major

Thank youu that makes a lot of sense actually and gives me some stuff to think over I guess life's a big grey area. I always thought maybe if a person didn't argue they didn't love eachother because jealousy would have to be a trait of love. What I wasn't realizing lol was jealousy isn't a trait of love, although it could be, jealousy's an emotion everyone experiences I suppose. Sometimes I feel like I have many surface level relationships for this reason because deeper emotions are f%%%ing scary

Thank you for sharing , I'm sorry that happened to you.
Yeah people and relationships are confusing …. Major

And I couldn't agree more with the fact people are being raised to think love = pain

 

[UKscotty]

There doesn't need to be fighting. Sensible humans can talk things through and reach a middle ground.

Iv had partners where its been lots of fighting and those were toxic relationships.

I rarely fight with my partner now. We talk things over and work it out.

 

[melancholymallory03]

No. My most recent and most loving very long term relationship was mostly free of fighting, jealousy, and arguments.
It is impossible to never have an occasion where someone is annoyed a little bit, or snippy or in a bad mood, or someone yells a couple times when frustrated or something. But a lot of fighting and arguing does not make a loving relationship. That relationship was harmonious and the best time of my life, but I ruined it by taking it for granted and moving to another country for what I thought was advancing my life.

I can't say fighting and arguing means it is not loving necessarily. But I had a horrible long term relationship filled with arguments and strife once. I put up with it for far too long and looking back it's clear that she did not love me and was trying to use me like an accessory or something for her life and I naively tried to pour my heart into the relationship out of care while trying to stand up for myself. It was very stressful and a huge waste of life and energy. I would never endure a relationship that is not mostly harmonious ever again, because I do not enjoy stress, anxiety, and drama. Thus, I also would never have kids (aside from how evil it is to bring kids here to begin with).

Thank you for sharing.
That entire situation sounds and seems very stressful. I'm glad you're doing well now

A relationship without fighting could be love, or it could be abusive or largely one-sided with one party being afraid to speak up. I say this as someone who was basically raised to be codependent and accept / stay quiet in the face of mistreatment or unhappiness, and who is also very happily single at the moment...

Maybe not happy in general but happy to not be with someone where I don't feel comfortable or safe voicing disagreement.

Sending you peaceful energy

May you find whatever you're looking for

There doesn't need to be fighting. Sensible humans can talk things through and reach a middle ground.

Iv had partners where its been lots of fighting and those were toxic relationships.

I rarely fight with my partner now. We talk things over and work it out.

I don't think I'm a sensible human being.but I agree with you
Fighting and toxicity is something that should and needs to be avoided.
I'm glad you guys aren't fighting

 

[Forever Sleep]

People living together the whole time are bound to disagree now and then. Plus sure, it seems like a good thing to care enough to be able to express your opinion and care enough about it to argue your side but, outright arguing and fighting? Doesn't sound good to me. Do you fight someone who merely disagrees with you?

Jealousy again is an unfortunate but maybe natural reaction but it also suggests doubts in trusting the other person. You wouldn't need to feel jealous if you believed they wouldn't betray you.

So sure- those things could be present in a relationship. They may feel love too but it sounds like a turbulent relationship to me. Either because one person is volatile and untrusting or, both are. I think it largely depends on the person. Some people just aren't all that argumentative. I rarely argue. Doesn't mean I can't love though.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I remember a social worker telling me something along the lines of how fighting was a normal part of relationships and that it was sign that two people love each other. That's complete bs. Having an arugment every once in a while or a little bit of bickering is fine, but healthy loving relationships are ones where both parties are able to communicate their feelings clearly and in an appropiate manner and are able to come to a point of understanding. I grew up around a lot of arguing and fighting and it's not a sign of love. It's a sign of a relationship that is doomed.

This type of "love = fighting" logic is something that is used to rationalize dysfunction in relationships. It's a dangerous way of thinking since it can potentially lead to people staying in unhealthy relationships and not making any effort to learn to communicate with their partner better. It can also encourage children to normalize their parents' dysfunctional relationships.