Venting hating myself makes it hard to love

[1nocares]

just got into my very first relationship ever. safe to say i never thought i would make it to this point. however i find myself in a cycle. a cycle of bad thoughts that i have been in for years. i guess i just hid it. how can i love him if i hate me? how can i trust in his love if i see nothing to love about me? he's the only one i like calling me pretty. but i still have a hard time believing it. i rarely get compliments, they all feel superficial. it's all how we present ourselves on the outside, or is that only my negative way of thinking? i looked different before and people treated me like shit. i was shy and couldn't speak, people treated me like shit. i guess i grew out of it, hate to say it, masked it. I can talk now, mostly. i find it easier than before, and my throat won't close up. i wanted him to like me for a while, he says he did. that's what he tells me. Maybe he did, i can never know for sure and i have to be comfortable with that. i have to be comfortable not knowing people's minds. i keep telling myself. i want to know what's in your head, then again if i did im sure it would hurt. we all think things we don't necessarily mean or want to. I guess i'm rambling. and not getting to the point at hand.
how can i love someone without loving me
how can i love with all this hate? I feel so suffocated. i feel like i compare myself to everyone i meet to an unhealthy degree.
when he's out having fun and im stuck at home i jsut feel like shit. fomo, whatever you want to call it. i feel like shit and i hate feeling that way. i want to truly be happy for people when they are away from me but i find that hard. i am bearing my heart out to all no matter how selfish or entitled i may sound. i know i haven't lived yet, i didnt want to. i didn't let myself? i don't know. i have never tried
i don't read, i don't enjoy many things. don't have hobbies, i lose interest quickly. i give up fast, i don't think i have many good qualities. maybe a nice face if i smother it with makeup, thats it. i hate myself. i hate everything about me, my attitude, my zero sense of worth. how to try at a relationship i already have no hope in. one month in he loves
me already. is this normal? i don't know what is and what isn't. Normal is different for everyone.
i just don't see the point in trying when all i am going to do is let him down. but maybe that's where im wrong, and this attitude is what will bring me there, nothing else. i overthink yet also think too little. i am a little incomprehensible and i can barely put my thoughts into words. i don't know anymore

 

[MrDarkness]

Late reply, it's best to love yourself first, we takes some time to soul search, and we often hate ourselves the most, I took me till my first relationship to not be insecure about my looks, I used to hate my face so much I just wanted to cut it off. I'm sure he genuinely loves you

 

[1nocares]

Late reply, it's best to love yourself first, we takes some time to soul search, and we often hate ourselves the most, I took me till my first relationship to not be insecure about my looks, I used to hate my face so much I just wanted to cut it off. I'm sure he genuinely loves you

I get it, I could barely look in a mirror before but now I want to look good for him. People always say do it for yourself, but I couldnt find the motivation to do it for me ever in my life. I guess i should try to take some time for myself, i haven't really learned me, i guess. if that makes any sense. thank you for your response, it really helped me think through things

 

[MrDarkness]

I get it, I could barely look in a mirror before but now I want to look good for him. People always say do it for yourself, but I couldnt find the motivation to do it for me ever in my life. I guess i should try to take some time for myself, i haven't really learned me, i guess. if that makes any sense. thank you for your response, it really helped me think through things

That's good, I feel modern beauty standard have ruined a lot of people self esteem, just be yourself and have some confidence.

 

[webb&flow]

how can i love him if i hate me?

Your mind has a perception of yourself. Your mind has a perception of your boyfriend. In other words: it has an opinion of yourself, and an opinion of your boyfriend. It is completely possible to love someone else, and hate yourself. In fact, it is quite easy! :) It's easier to love others than it is to love ourself, especially because we find it easier to forgive people we love on some things we feel as "being overshadowed by the good".

how can i trust in his love if i see nothing to love about me?

You may feel a sense of confusion of "what does he see in me". Other people can see things, real things about ourself, that we cannot <3. This is the virtue of another pair of eyes :). Other people can be wrong about us, you're right. But other people can absolutely be right about us too :).

i rarely get compliments, they all feel superficial. it's all how we present ourselves on the outside, or is that only my negative way of thinking?

People can be both non-genuine as well as genuine. It is possible for someone to seem genuine while being non-genuine, and it is possible for someone to be genuine and seem non-genuine. I think your boyfriend is being genuine <3.

i don't read, i don't enjoy many things. don't have hobbies, i lose interest quickly. i give up fast, i don't think i have many good qualities.

When we have stress in our lives, our drive for curiosity can be suppressed by our biology <3. This is NOT a personal flaw—it's just a biological process that can result from some certain things. When we feel exhausted, it can be difficult to have that energy that flows into wanting to do things and seeking out things to do. It's like how it can be hard to focus on things if we are deprived of sleep. Have you considered that the struggle to have hobbies may be more of a result of biological processes that affect how much energy there is in your body, that may be affecting motivation and action, as opposed to mere "personal flaws"? ♥ And "giving up" is not your fault—it's really hard to maintain hope in something that we feel isn't producing any clear outcomes ♥. That's not a personal flaw, that's our brain performing a calculation of "I'm not seeing anything come from this—so why should I keep doing this".

i just don't see the point in trying when all i am going to do is let him down. but maybe that's where im wrong, and this attitude is what will bring me there, nothing else. i overthink yet also think too little. i am a little incomprehensible and i can barely put my thoughts into words. i don't know anymore

I know it feels very suffocating, having all this pressure of "what is real? who am I? what do people really think of me?" flowing in your head, and feeling unable to make these thoughts go away <3.

We have stress in our lives, these problems that we feel we can't solve in one day. This isn't a flaw in ourselves, but our brains trying to grapple with what to do. Here is the truth: you don't have to do everything all at once <3. You can make small steps in the right direction, even without having the "ultimate" roadmap in your head <3. You don't even need a full roadmap—if you know the direction, and make little tiny steps towards what you feel is right (even if you only do it sometimes), then you are moving towards a better existence ^^.

Spoiler: words

[Intro]
Love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love, love

[Verse 1]
(Love) There's nothing you can do that can't be done
(Love) Nothing you can sing that can't be sung
(Love) Nothing you can say, but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy

[Verse 2]
(Love) Nothing you can make that can't be made
(Love) No one you can save that can't be saved
(Love) Nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time
It's easy

[Chorus]
All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

[Bridge]
Love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love, love
[Chorus]
All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

[Verse 3]
(Love) There's nothing you can know that isn't known
(Love) Nothing you can see that isn't shown
(Love) There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be
It's easy

[Chorus]
All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

[Outro – Fading]
All you need is love (All together now)
All you need is love (Everybody)
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
(Irru! Yehey!)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
(Yesterday)
Oh, love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
(Oh, yeah)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
(She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah)
(She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
(Woohoo!)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
(Woohoo!)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
(Oh, yesterday)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)

Spoiler: emphasis~

[Verse 1]
There's nothing you can do that can't be done
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung
Nothing you can say, but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy

[Verse 2]
Nothing you can make that can't be made
No one you can save that can't be saved
Nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time
It's easy

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

Wishing you all the best :). Feel most free to reply too, with any questions you would like to ask ^^.

 

[CrawlingInMySkin]

There are some people who say you need to love another to love yourself. Some who say you can't love another unless you love yourself. It's all bullshit. I hate myself and love no one. I'm not capable of it. Do what makes you happy. If you can't love him then break up with him, if that's what you want. You could also try to keep it up, let him help you. I'm sure he'd want to. It's all up to you, mate. Love and peace

 

[1nocares]

Your mind has a perception of yourself. Your mind has a perception of your boyfriend. In other words: it has an opinion of yourself, and an opinion of your boyfriend. It is completely possible to love someone else, and hate yourself. In fact, it is quite easy! :) It's easier to love others than it is to love ourself, especially because we find it easier to forgive people we love on some things we feel as "being overshadowed by the good".


You may feel a sense of confusion of "what does he see in me". Other people can see things, real things about ourself, that we cannot <3. This is the virtue of another pair of eyes :). Other people can be wrong about us, you're right. But other people can absolutely be right about us too :).


People can be both non-genuine as well as genuine. It is possible for someone to seem genuine while being non-genuine, and it is possible for someone to be genuine and seem non-genuine. I think your boyfriend is being genuine <3.


When we have stress in our lives, our drive for curiosity can be suppressed by our biology <3. This is NOT a personal flaw—it's just a biological process that can result from some certain things. When we feel exhausted, it can be difficult to have that energy that flows into wanting to do things and seeking out things to do. It's like how it can be hard to focus on things if we are deprived of sleep. Have you considered that the struggle to have hobbies may be more of a result of biological processes that affect how much energy there is in your body, that may be affecting motivation and action, as opposed to mere "personal flaws"? ♥ And "giving up" is not your fault—it's really hard to maintain hope in something that we feel isn't producing any clear outcomes ♥. That's not a personal flaw, that's our brain performing a calculation of "I'm not seeing anything come from this—so why should I keep doing this".


I know it feels very suffocating, having all this pressure of "what is real? who am I? what do people really think of me?" flowing in your head, and feeling unable to make these thoughts go away <3.

We have stress in our lives, these problems that we feel we can't solve in one day. This isn't a flaw in ourselves, but our brains trying to grapple with what to do. Here is the truth: you don't have to do everything all at once <3. You can make small steps in the right direction, even without having the "ultimate" roadmap in your head <3. You don't even need a full roadmap—if you know the direction, and make little tiny steps towards what you feel is right (even if you only do it sometimes), then you are moving towards a better existence ^^.

Spoiler: words

[Intro]
Love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love, love

[Verse 1]
(Love) There's nothing you can do that can't be done
(Love) Nothing you can sing that can't be sung
(Love) Nothing you can say, but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy

[Verse 2]
(Love) Nothing you can make that can't be made
(Love) No one you can save that can't be saved
(Love) Nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time
It's easy

[Chorus]
All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

[Bridge]
Love, love, love
Love, love, love
Love, love, love
[Chorus]
All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

[Verse 3]
(Love) There's nothing you can know that isn't known
(Love) Nothing you can see that isn't shown
(Love) There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be
It's easy

[Chorus]
All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

[Outro – Fading]
All you need is love (All together now)
All you need is love (Everybody)
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
(Irru! Yehey!)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
(Yesterday)
Oh, love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
(Oh, yeah)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
(She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah)
(She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
(Woohoo!)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
(Woohoo!)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
(Oh, yesterday)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)
Love is all you need (Love is all you need)

Spoiler: emphasis~

[Verse 1]
There's nothing you can do that can't be done
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung
Nothing you can say, but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy

[Verse 2]
Nothing you can make that can't be made
No one you can save that can't be saved
Nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time
It's easy

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

Wishing you all the best :). Feel most free to reply too, with any questions you would like to ask ^^.

Truly, thank you for taking the time and responding to me. I really appreciate it, so much so that I come back to read this when I'm feeling certain ways. I never know how to respond to people, but thank you

There are some people who say you need to love another to love yourself. Some who say you can't love another unless you love yourself. It's all bullshit. I hate myself and love no one. I'm not capable of it. Do what makes you happy. If you can't love him then break up with him, if that's what you want. You could also try to keep it up, let him help you. I'm sure he'd want to. It's all up to you, mate. Love and peace

You don't know how many times I have read those last few sentences. "Let him help you". Thank you, i guess i really must learn myself. I still find it hard to be honest, and I for sure don't think I could ever tell him about this website. But i could probably tell him other things. Thank you so much again, my love goes to you

 

[ctb_warrior]

Wish you all the best dear

If you need to discuss anything, my dms are open, feel free to talk about anything that comes to your mind and heart

God bless

 

[lastappleonearth]

just got into my very first relationship ever. safe to say i never thought i would make it to this point. however i find myself in a cycle. a cycle of bad thoughts that i have been in for years. i guess i just hid it. how can i love him if i hate me? how can i trust in his love if i see nothing to love about me? he's the only one i like calling me pretty. but i still have a hard time believing it. i rarely get compliments, they all feel superficial. it's all how we present ourselves on the outside, or is that only my negative way of thinking? i looked different before and people treated me like shit. i was shy and couldn't speak, people treated me like shit. i guess i grew out of it, hate to say it, masked it. I can talk now, mostly. i find it easier than before, and my throat won't close up. i wanted him to like me for a while, he says he did. that's what he tells me. Maybe he did, i can never know for sure and i have to be comfortable with that. i have to be comfortable not knowing people's minds. i keep telling myself. i want to know what's in your head, then again if i did im sure it would hurt. we all think things we don't necessarily mean or want to. I guess i'm rambling. and not getting to the point at hand.
how can i love someone without loving me
how can i love with all this hate? I feel so suffocated. i feel like i compare myself to everyone i meet to an unhealthy degree.
when he's out having fun and im stuck at home i jsut feel like shit. fomo, whatever you want to call it. i feel like shit and i hate feeling that way. i want to truly be happy for people when they are away from me but i find that hard. i am bearing my heart out to all no matter how selfish or entitled i may sound. i know i haven't lived yet, i didnt want to. i didn't let myself? i don't know. i have never tried
i don't read, i don't enjoy many things. don't have hobbies, i lose interest quickly. i give up fast, i don't think i have many good qualities. maybe a nice face if i smother it with makeup, thats it. i hate myself. i hate everything about me, my attitude, my zero sense of worth. how to try at a relationship i already have no hope in. one month in he loves
me already. is this normal? i don't know what is and what isn't. Normal is different for everyone.
i just don't see the point in trying when all i am going to do is let him down. but maybe that's where im wrong, and this attitude is what will bring me there, nothing else. i overthink yet also think too little. i am a little incomprehensible and i can barely put my thoughts into words. i don't know anymore

I once had sb who I really loved and who loved me, but I torpedoed that relationship in parts out of self hatred. I just couldn't accept the love, couldn't accept sth good actually happening to me, so I self sabotaged. I didn't see it back then, but now I do and I deeply regret, because I lost the one person I truly cared for. So, I guess I can only tell you that being in a relationship if you don't love yourself is for sure difficult and different I guess, but if you don't self sabotage and keep these tendencies in check, it can work and you can grow together, as cliche as this sounds.
And in terms of falling in love quickly or saying "I love you" quickly, I honestly think that this is different for everyone and happens at a different pace in any relationship. I wish you well and hope it works out

 

[Gloomic]

Never be in a relationship without loving, or at least accepting yourself first. Technically, you could love someone and hate yourself, but you should not be in a relationship. Only way that would work is if you are currently putting the effort to grow out of it. That is a surefire way of getting hurt and losing your identity. Self-hatred gets in the way of a relationship in different ways. Jealousy, constant overthinking/paranoia, and not being able to adapt with your partner's goals because the other is backed up in their growth. Too much emotional burden on your partner to where they feel like they can't be positive around their other leading to emotional exhaustion. Or the opposite of too little emotional depth that leads to a lack of understanding and communication. Not believing in someone elses' love is practically the same as rejecting it, hence the partner is with someone who takes their feelings as a lie and doesn't trust them. That part hurts on both ends. Also, not to place assumptions, but generally manipulative people take advantage of those who are vulnerable/hate themselves, after all many self-hating people follow whatever someone else has to say due to valuing another's opinion more. Self-hatred behavior varies per person, but self-hating people can end up basing their lives around their partner's opinions, which ends up destroying one's identity.