Venting A new low today

[deadwithoutmusic]

I left therapy today feeling the worst I have ever felt. I don't think it was my therapist's fault though. I just felt so useless, hopeless, sad and so badly wanted to just leave this world. She said something along the lines of if I don't do anything to even attempt to change then nothing will change and asked me if I could think of anything that I could do that would get me outside or atleast off video games and youtube which I'm just drowning myself in to forget about everything else. I couldn't think of anything that I would have the energy or motivation to do to even begin to change even if it was something small. My mind just wants me to do nothing but drown out my emotions until I can get my hands on SN. I almost shut down and felt just immense sadness of how my life is just over as I'm not doing anything to change so it will just stay this way until I die. I have been waiting for my SN for almost a month now I think and the wait is killing me. If it doesn't come I might have to look into hanging but I'm not sure if I will be able to bring myself to do that. I need SN so badly and I'm not sure what I will do if I don't get it soon. I want to end my life before it gets any worse.

 

[Ghost2211]

Sorry to hear your in such a stuck place. Depression can be such a deep pit. I get the logic one has to desire for things to improve, but we don't always have that desire. I hope you get the peace you desire.

 

[I screwed up]

I fully understand ur situation buddy ... I m in a similar boat... Depression just makes me want to stay in bed full day .. No desire to get up and face the world