Venting Selfishness

[another_user]

Just venting.

I really hate how selfish a lot of the people around me are because I can't relate to it at all. For context these people are very focused on their image and personal happiness.

If they see someone who is suffering their first instinct is to rationalise why it is okay for them to do nothing, "It makes me feel bad", "I have to focus on my own mental health" etcetera. Okay, but they ARE able to do things they enjoy like party and gossip.

Even if I am am in the pit of mental health issues, I am the complete opposite. I can't do things I enjoy, I can barely get out of bed or do anything at all, BUT if I see someone suffering I will try to help them because I would feel terrible to do nothing just because I feel bad.

A few months ago I was thinking about suicide everyday and it was very difficult to even leave my room. One day I walked outside and saw someone really crying a lot after a phonecall. I had an intense wave of panic and would have been more comfortable to walk away and do nothing, but I didn't. I asked if they were okay, they said their friend was coming so then I felt comfortable to leave. If I didn't check on them I would have felt immense guilt for the rest of the day. I wouldn't have felt positive that I had "taken care of my mental health" or "avoided problems that are not mine" at all.

Also when I wanted to go to lie down and cry or sleep because I was incredibly depressed and someone texted me that they were really upset I texted them back until they felt better and when another person was upset I went on a walk with them and let them tell me their situation.

I don't understand how people can have energy to do a lot of fun things for themselves but not to help other people? How can they not feel bad? How does it not make their mental health WORSE? How can they enjoy anything if they know they are ignoring all the pain around them?

 

[Lifeaffirmingchoice]

Just venting.

I really hate how selfish a lot of the people around me are because I can't relate to it at all. For context these people are very focused on their image and personal happiness.

If they see someone who is suffering their first instinct is to rationalise why it is okay for them to do nothing, "It makes me feel bad", "I have to focus on my own mental health" etcetera. Okay, but they ARE able to do things they enjoy like party and gossip.

Even if I am am in the pit of mental health issues, I am the complete opposite. I can't do things I enjoy, I can barely get out of bed or do anything at all, BUT if I see someone suffering I will try to help them because I would feel terrible to do nothing just because I feel bad.

A few months ago I was thinking about suicide everyday and it was very difficult to even leave my room. One day I walked outside and saw someone really crying a lot after a phonecall. I had an intense wave of panic and would have been more comfortable to walk away and do nothing, but I didn't. I asked if they were okay, they said their friend was coming so then I felt comfortable to leave. If I didn't check on them I would have felt immense guilt for the rest of the day. I wouldn't have felt positive that I had "taken care of my mental health" or "avoided problems that are not mine" at all.

Also when I wanted to go to lie down and cry or sleep because I was incredibly depressed and someone texted me that they were really upset I texted them back until they felt better and when another person was upset I went on a walk with them and let them tell me their situation.

I don't understand how people can have energy to do a lot of fun things for themselves but not to help other people? How can they not feel bad? How does it not make their mental health WORSE? How can they enjoy anything if they know they are ignoring all the pain around them?

I feel exactly the same, the callousness of this world disgusts me.

 

[divinemistress36]

Not many people have emotional intelligence. If you can stay away from them. We are all selfish but there are still a small percentage of people who care it's just rare

 

[LaughingGoat]

I understand the perspective and think the world would be a much happier place with more empathy, but I will push back a little using some of Peter Singer's writing on effective altruism. Basically, there is constant suffering happening all over the world which you aren't helping simply because it's not in your proximity. You could help those people, for example earning money and donating it to organizations which provide malaria prevention and treatment to African countries. The suffering of someone in your vicinity who is crying about an unknown issue most likely is not on the same level as the suffering of a mother who loses their child to malaria. Am I saying you're wrong for helping people in your area; no that is what most of us due and is natural. But I think sometimes thinking less of other people who are consumed in their own lives is ignoring our own tendencies and is unhealthy. Really all I ask of others is they don't cause harm.

 

[another_user]

I understand the perspective and think the world would be a much happier place with more empathy, but I will push back a little using some of Peter Singer's writing on effective altruism. Basically, there is constant suffering happening all over the world which you aren't helping simply because it's not in your proximity. You could help those people, for example earning money and donating it to organizations which provide malaria prevention and treatment to African countries. The suffering of someone in your vicinity who is crying about an unknown issue most likely is not on the same level as the suffering of a mother who loses their child to malaria. Am I saying you're wrong for helping people in your area; no that is what most of us due and is natural. But I think sometimes thinking less of other people who are consumed in their own lives is ignoring our own tendencies and is unhealthy. Really all I ask of others is they don't cause harm.

I do effective altruism as well which I would think would be a good solution for people who genuinely can't engage with suffering in person, but as far as I am aware they don't do that either and choose to spend both their time and their money on their own happiness only.

 

[anhedonya]

I really resonate with what you said. This has been an ongoing issue with everyone I know who for all sorts of reasons are completely incapable of taking initiative to help someone or stop a bad situation from occurring. The amount of times I've heard a story in which someone says or does something horrific and then ask, "well what did you guys do about it?", and am met with silence is insane. A few years ago, I used to get called weird by my friends at the time because I went up to random people who looked down just like you did with your example and asked if they were okay or started up conversation. My friends explained that their social anxiety was just too strong for something like that, and that they couldn't understand how I could do such a thing, talking to strangers of my own free will.

I know that people are inherently good. I know they really are trying their best most of the time even if it doesn't seem that way. But it has honestly gotten very hard for me to believe that on a personal level. Everyday I struggle to not decree 99% of humanity as selfish. Always thinking about their comfort, always hoping they don't have to be the one to take a stand, always waiting.

I'm proud of you for trying to do good for others even when you are struggling yourself. It takes a lot of willpower and it's not easy. I don't know why so many can ignore the pain of others for their own comfort, but I won't ignore yours. I see you and I hope you have better days ahead.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

Really all I ask of others is they don't cause harm.

...and too bad that is an absolute rarity these days. For every considerate, kind-hearted soul like OP, there are 1000 selfish subhuman devils walking around. Most of whom are completely oblivious to the harm they cause.

Degenerate, attention-starved fuckboi idiots that equip their cars with loud exhausts and earth-rattling sub-woofers, waking up elderly people and infants from their sleep. Making people that are doing productive work or studying lose their train of thought:

Living Near Noisy Traffic Might Raise Suicide Risk

THURSDAY, March 30, 2023 (HealthDay News) -- Living with a lot of transportation noise can increase your risk of suicide, new research suggests.A study from Swi

www.healthday.com

Basketball players that get $50 million per year, while the 9-year old child in Asia that sews their $400 shoes together suffers and slaves away in warehouse with no air conditioning, barely making enough money to eat and survive.

The World Counts

www.theworldcounts.com

Scammers that underestimate the ultimate consequences of their actions:




Dumbass ahole Youtube prankers making people go deaf:


And society celebrates most of this shit. Fucking disgusting species we have de-evolved to. We need an extinction event and reset. No, fuck the reset. We just need extinction.

selfish devils walking around. Most of whom are completely oblivious to the harm they cause.

Oh, and I almost forgot the worst of the worst: People that don't put their shopping carts away.

 

[another_user]

I really resonate with what you said. This has been an ongoing issue with everyone I know who for all sorts of reasons are completely incapable of taking initiative to help someone or stop a bad situation from occurring. The amount of times I've heard a story in which someone says or does something horrific and then ask, "well what did you guys do about it?", and am met with silence is insane. A few years ago, I used to get called weird by my friends at the time because I went up to random people who looked down just like you did with your example and asked if they were okay or started up conversation. My friends explained that their social anxiety was just too strong for something like that, and that they couldn't understand how I could do such a thing, talking to strangers of my own free will.

I know that people are inherently good. I know they really are trying their best most of the time even if it doesn't seem that way. But it has honestly gotten very hard for me to believe that on a personal level. Everyday I struggle to not decree 99% of humanity as selfish. Always thinking about their comfort, always hoping they don't have to be the one to take a stand, always waiting.

I'm proud of you for trying to do good for others even when you are struggling yourself. It takes a lot of willpower and it's not easy. I don't know why so many can ignore the pain of others for their own comfort, but I won't ignore yours. I see you and I hope you have better days ahead.

Thank you, I hope the same for you as well and everyone on here. To be honest, I wouldn't blame anyone with social anxiety or mental health issues for not stepping into scenarios like that.

I think my main problem is that "mental health" is taken very lightly by a lot of the people around me and is mostly used to mean personal comfort which I don't like because if you have the capacity to help in the moment then it should feel more uncomfortable to do nothing than to help so not helping shouldn't preserve your comfort, helping should preserve it.

 

[anhedonya]

Thank you, I hope the same for you as well and everyone on here. To be honest, I wouldn't blame anyone with social anxiety or mental health issues for not stepping into scenarios like that.

I think my main problem is that "mental health" is taken very lightly by a lot of the people around me and is mostly used to mean personal comfort which I don't like because if you have the capacity to help in the moment then it should feel more uncomfortable to do nothing than to help so not helping shouldn't preserve your comfort, helping should preserve it.

Oh my god I completely agree about the wrong definition people give to mental health! It's like so many people want to dumb things down into some kind of quirk rather than the harsh reality it actually is. Cleaning is being OCD, cutting and bleaching your hair is being manic, being bored at a boring meeting is having ADHD- when the people saying these things usually have no idea what they're actually talking about. It's just used as a light, quirk defining thing to explain why they do or don't do something, when in reality these are debilitating issues that many people struggle with every single day. If they saw what mania really looked like, for example, they'd call the cops on the person experiencing it. I don't know when mental health became miswritten as "whatever lets me do what I want to do while using a good excuse for it", but it's truly sick how little importance people give to it.

 

[tomthemouse1]

Just venting.

I really hate how selfish a lot of the people around me are because I can't relate to it at all. For context these people are very focused on their image and personal happiness.

If they see someone who is suffering their first instinct is to rationalise why it is okay for them to do nothing, "It makes me feel bad", "I have to focus on my own mental health" etcetera. Okay, but they ARE able to do things they enjoy like party and gossip.

Even if I am am in the pit of mental health issues, I am the complete opposite. I can't do things I enjoy, I can barely get out of bed or do anything at all, BUT if I see someone suffering I will try to help them because I would feel terrible to do nothing just because I feel bad.

A few months ago I was thinking about suicide everyday and it was very difficult to even leave my room. One day I walked outside and saw someone really crying a lot after a phonecall. I had an intense wave of panic and would have been more comfortable to walk away and do nothing, but I didn't. I asked if they were okay, they said their friend was coming so then I felt comfortable to leave. If I didn't check on them I would have felt immense guilt for the rest of the day. I wouldn't have felt positive that I had "taken care of my mental health" or "avoided problems that are not mine" at all.

Also when I wanted to go to lie down and cry or sleep because I was incredibly depressed and someone texted me that they were really upset I texted them back until they felt better and when another person was upset I went on a walk with them and let them tell me their situation.

I don't understand how people can have energy to do a lot of fun things for themselves but not to help other people? How can they not feel bad? How does it not make their mental health WORSE? How can they enjoy anything if they know they are ignoring all the pain around them?

This totally resonates with me

When I see others in a problem I help them more than I help myself. Especially if it is so something I have been through or close to it

People just see others who got trouble are not fit to be dealt with. They sometimes look down on you if you are going through something they have been too.

I also sometimes when procrastinating and not studying and someone sends me question or something they don't know I literally stop what I am doing and study so fast so just I can answer them.

Maybe as there is some people who are selfish then there is those who are selfless

Cheers,
Joe