J
johntee23
Member
- Jan 31, 2021
- 33
I'm not just pissed off with life, I actually need to kill myself while I still can. I have a bizarre heart condition that will either kill me -which is fine - or will render me disabled. If I am disabled that's me fucked. No release. Sitting there every day waiting to be fed and having the bags that I shit and piss in emptied. I spent a long time researching my illness which was time wasted when I could have been researching means of escape.
My conclusions so far don't make good reading. N is my favourite. Very tricky to get and risks the wrath of the law if caught importing
it in the post. Once on the radar of the psychiatric services, CTB would be impossible. They'd lock you in some public mental health shithole and throw away the key. SN loops have been closed off and it is very hard to get. Potentiating drugs very difficult to get also. Cutting and hanging don't work for me as my survival instinct would be too strong. I have experience with gases so could set up N2. I've already been caught by my wife with helium before I discovered it is diluted with air to prevent it being useful. The problem is my wife is here 24/7 with lockdown. Smuggling in hardware is impossible. Lockdown prevents driving to somewhere with cliffs high enough to jump off.
Weighing it all up, it looks as if hanging is the only means I have. I hate the idea but it's better than 5 or 10 years eating
through a straw. The problem is I need to do it now, this minute, this morning... But I'm stuck.
My conclusions so far don't make good reading. N is my favourite. Very tricky to get and risks the wrath of the law if caught importing
it in the post. Once on the radar of the psychiatric services, CTB would be impossible. They'd lock you in some public mental health shithole and throw away the key. SN loops have been closed off and it is very hard to get. Potentiating drugs very difficult to get also. Cutting and hanging don't work for me as my survival instinct would be too strong. I have experience with gases so could set up N2. I've already been caught by my wife with helium before I discovered it is diluted with air to prevent it being useful. The problem is my wife is here 24/7 with lockdown. Smuggling in hardware is impossible. Lockdown prevents driving to somewhere with cliffs high enough to jump off.
Weighing it all up, it looks as if hanging is the only means I have. I hate the idea but it's better than 5 or 10 years eating
through a straw. The problem is I need to do it now, this minute, this morning... But I'm stuck.