Not sure how much longer I can go on but what can I do?

[axab43]

Thank you for admitting me onto this group! My situation is going to sound very strange and I would be pulled to pieces by some people I know in my life but I actually am a Christian and have been for 40 years. Sometimes though, life does not work out the way it is supposed to and it becomes unbearable. That has been my life over past ten years. Now, I have no family left, due to continual bereavement/covid, I am rapidly losing my hair, which the doctors can't explain and is so painful for me, and loads of other things. I am in so much emotional pain every day. I do still believe in God but want to throw a switch and just be in heaven now. I'm done with here and now thanks.. (I don't believe the silly stuff that said suicide is an unforgivable sin. ) i really cannot go on but can't think of what to do. I'm not impulsive enough to jump off a high building, (massive overthinking1.) I've tried overdosing many years ago which was horrific, been looking into short hanging the way Robin Williams did but so many say this does not work. I'm at a loss. (I also have chronic insomnia, hardly any sleep at all and only a few hours even with sleeping tablets! ) How do people do this and succeed as lots seem to!

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling trapped in this existence because of how difficult and inaccessible suicide is, I really wish there's a straightforward way to just be gone. But anyway I wish you the best, I hope that you eventually find freedom from your suffering.

 

[heysunshine]

I am so sorry that you are feeling so much pain. Grief is so agonizing, and one's appearance can have such a large tie to people's overall sense of contentment and self-worth. All of these feelings are just compounded with insomnia and lack of rest. Without family to rely on, i understand how lonely and overwhelming every minute of everyday can be. It's like slowly drowning. One can see the other swimmers swimming and playing, but no one from their own group is around to take notice of the struggle, provide support, or help in the way that they actually need. I know how hard it is to feel ready to go, but also feel like the ways out are out of reach, and I wish there was a simple, easy way for those of us in pain to find the relief that we desperately want. I hate that life has brought you here, but there are so many compassionate, amazing people and information in this forum. I wish you the best on your path, and I hope that whatever choices you make, that you are able to find some peace and relief from your pain.

 

[cali88]

I am sorry to hear that you have to live in such circumstances

 

[DD2020]

I understand and feel much the same and I truly wish your pain would ease.
I too feel so alone, lost family members and have 2 left but neither live nearby and each of the have their own lives let alone not living nearby. The lonliness and quiet all the time has become too much. Each breathe feels a waste this life is not worth living any longer, no purpose and existence is painful.

 

[Meteora]

I m sorry you feel this way and can relate. Maybe Christianity is not the answer for people like you and me? Just a thought. I don't know

 

[theboy]

I am also a Christian but with suicidal thoughts. God is the one who can help you overcome your problems if you have faith.

 

[DD2020]

I wouldn't say I am Christian but am often envious of the trust and faith religious people have. It seems to be an extra layer of support.

 

[axab43]

I m sorry you feel this way and can relate. Maybe Christianity is not the answer for people like you and me? Just a thought. I don't know

I'm sorry, I didn't see this come up before. I have been a Christian since I was 14 and in many ways, I'm still as committed as I was then. The trouble is, people distort the original message and there is a lot of "religious stuff"/rules and regulations that gets mixed up in it. I'm sure the original, unaltered version is definitely for me but we have to live in this messed up world where there is lots of "religion".


Thanks for replying to my message, I do appreciate it

 

[axab43]

I wouldn't say I am Christian but am often envious of the trust and faith religious people have. It seems to be an extra layer of support.

In many ways it is, but it is not an easy ride either. A lot of Christians are the opposite of what I'm sure was intended and "religion" is a waste of time.

And I've wound up in this place, through my own choices, but I can barely function now, so don't want to be here. So although I still believe in "Christianity" (mostly because it does actually make sense to me), I'm really struggling havin to live now. Especially since everyone I've loved has died.

 

[axab43]

I am also a Christian but with suicidal thoughts. God is the one who can help you overcome your problems if you have faith.

Sorry again... I didn't see this. I have gotten completely stuck. What people don't get is some in the Bible had suicidal thoughts too. I'm sure you know that. This world can be vile and I've had enough. Just speaking from where I am now. i don't believe in hiding it, (not that you are but i know a lot that do.(

 

[axab43]

I understand and feel much the same and I truly wish your pain would ease.
I too feel so alone, lost family members and have 2 left but neither live nearby and each of the have their own lives let alone not living nearby. The lonliness and quiet all the time has become too much. Each breathe feels a waste this life is not worth living any longer, no purpose and existence is painful.A

 

[axab43]

Again, I'm sorry I didn't see this before. I'm new to the group and didn't see my thread. I'm sorry for your pain too and completely understand. Not sure what the answer is right now. Loneliness can be very bad. I hope something changes for you soon.

 

[axab43]

I am so sorry that you are feeling so much pain. Grief is so agonizing, and one's appearance can have such a large tie to people's overall sense of contentment and self-worth. All of these feelings are just compounded with insomnia and lack of rest. Without family to rely on, i understand how lonely and overwhelming every minute of everyday can be. It's like slowly drowning. One can see the other swimmers swimming and playing, but no one from their own group is around to take notice of the struggle, provide support, or help in the way that they actually need. I know how hard it is to feel ready to go, but also feel like the ways out are out of reach, and I wish there was a simple, easy way for those of us in pain to find the relief that we desperately want. I hate that life has brought you here, but there are so many compassionate, amazing people and information in this forum. I wish you the best on your path, and I hope that whatever choices you make, that you are able to find some peace and relief from your pain.

 

[axab43]

Thank you for your reply. As I said to the others, I didn't see these before as I'm new to the group and am getting used to navigating. You are so right about it all feeling like slowly drowning. And no-one understanding. To hear people understanding how I feel is a relief1

 

[Meteora]

I'm sorry, I didn't see this come up before. I have been a Christian since I was 14 and in many ways, I'm still as committed as I was then. The trouble is, people distort the original message and there is a lot of "religious stuff"/rules and regulations that gets mixed up in it. I'm sure the original, unaltered version is definitely for me but we have to live in this messed up world where there is lots of "religion".

That is true, I feel similar. Many people think they know what and how God's word is. These people are not easy to deal with.

 

[theboy]

Sorry again... I didn't see this. I have gotten completely stuck. What people don't get is some in the Bible had suicidal thoughts too. I'm sure you know that. This world can be vile and I've had enough. Just speaking from where I am now. i don't believe in hiding it, (not that you are but i know a lot that do.(

Yes, there were people in the bible who did ctb or had those thoughts. i understand your pain and hope you come out of your torment soon.