Acopia
Specialist
- Sep 21, 2020
- 356
I've been umm-ing and arr-ing over posting for a while, primarily because I don't want to be the cause of another person's successful ctb.
But I often read people say how difficult it is to ctb by OD, as well as whether they should allow their family to find them, so I thought I'd share for a bit of education + in the interests of honesty.
I'm glossing over a lot of the story, but essentially, I had issues with alcoholism since I was about 17 - I've now been sober for 5+ years :D
The story for me starts when one day I woke up in hospital, with a sore chest and foggy brain. They told me that I was at home one evening when my boyfriend found me, unconscious and not breathing, in bed. He dialled for an ambulance and performed CPR until they arrived.
Upon searching my room to try and ascertain why a generally healthy 19-year-old would suddenly go into cardiac arrest, paramedics discovered two empty 1-litre vodka bottles. I'd been sober for a few weeks, but had relapsed.
Obviously, paramedics were able to get me back, in hospital they ran tests - my blood alcohol was so high that they couldn't get a reliable reading, and they also found a high dose of benzo's. The diagnosis was respiratory -> cardiac arrest from an overdose of diazepam mixed with an overdose of alcohol.
I remember nothing pre-arrest, I don't know if I was genuinely trying to ctb or if I just misjudged what I was doing; I suspect the latter. Either way, I feel like it was peaceful and I just fell asleep - no suffering.
May I also say, that my boyfriend (who is now my fiencee) is still traumatised by the whole event, and I continue to live with that guilt. I beg of you, if you love them, not to put your families through the heartache of finding you like that.
I am glad he saved me.
Give recovery a bit of a chance before hitting the final option button. (I'm not pro-life per se, just pro-exhausting-all-options-first).
So there's a bit about me..
Love and peace!
-Acopia
But I often read people say how difficult it is to ctb by OD, as well as whether they should allow their family to find them, so I thought I'd share for a bit of education + in the interests of honesty.
I'm glossing over a lot of the story, but essentially, I had issues with alcoholism since I was about 17 - I've now been sober for 5+ years :D
The story for me starts when one day I woke up in hospital, with a sore chest and foggy brain. They told me that I was at home one evening when my boyfriend found me, unconscious and not breathing, in bed. He dialled for an ambulance and performed CPR until they arrived.
Upon searching my room to try and ascertain why a generally healthy 19-year-old would suddenly go into cardiac arrest, paramedics discovered two empty 1-litre vodka bottles. I'd been sober for a few weeks, but had relapsed.
Obviously, paramedics were able to get me back, in hospital they ran tests - my blood alcohol was so high that they couldn't get a reliable reading, and they also found a high dose of benzo's. The diagnosis was respiratory -> cardiac arrest from an overdose of diazepam mixed with an overdose of alcohol.
I remember nothing pre-arrest, I don't know if I was genuinely trying to ctb or if I just misjudged what I was doing; I suspect the latter. Either way, I feel like it was peaceful and I just fell asleep - no suffering.
May I also say, that my boyfriend (who is now my fiencee) is still traumatised by the whole event, and I continue to live with that guilt. I beg of you, if you love them, not to put your families through the heartache of finding you like that.
I am glad he saved me.
Give recovery a bit of a chance before hitting the final option button. (I'm not pro-life per se, just pro-exhausting-all-options-first).
So there's a bit about me..
Love and peace!
-Acopia
