Story The Story of My Shitty Existence

[worthless_nightmare]

This is a story of a 25 year old man who is broken. Broken beyond any recognition. It all started March 1st 2007. I got up to get ready for school. I was 7 at the time. I got dressed and tried to wake up my mom. She didn't get up. I waited a little longer, I tried to wake her up again. I told my grandma that she wasn't getting up. This 75 year old woman sprinted to the room. She attempted to wake her up. Still didn't wake up. Shortly after the paramedics came. They pronounce her dead. I was the first to find her. Seeing her dead still haunts me 17 year later. After she died I was given to my aunt and her husband. I was with them for 6 years. 6 years of agonizing abuse. 2013 was when I had my first disturbing thought. I was homicidal and suicidal. Every day I would get beaten my her husband. Day after day. At the peak of the abuse I was locked in a room 6 feet long 2 feet wide. The also installed window locks so I wouldn't escape. I was given 1 meal day for months. I was told when I could sleep. When I could eat. When I could go to the bathroom. In that god forsaken room I had nothing but a dresser a chair a desk and a blanket I could sleep on if I was lucky. In that room I was loosing my mind. I couldn't understand why God would put me through so much pain and misery. Asking, begging, pleading for an answer the pain I experienced. I was planning my suicide and my abuser's murder. Until I managed to run away. I was 13 at the time.

After I ran away I was put in foster care. I was in foster care for 4 years. I was in 4 different families 4 different schools. Having to rebuild my life 4 times over. My last foster family ended up adopting me. I thought I'd finally be happy. They were my adoptive parents for 18 months after my adoptive dad threatened to kill me. I was homeless for 2 years. In that time I discovered how cruel mean and unforgiving this world is. At the homeless shelter is where I attempted suicide for the first time. For another year I was in a group while being in and out of the hospital for suicide attempts month after month. The whole reason I'm still alive now is because I got on SSI. I hate myself. I hate this world. I wish I was dead.

 

[drakflowerfire]

I'm so sorry happend to you. I hope telling your story can lift all your feelings

 

[Ampsvx123]

Not unusual. Foster care is hell. There used to be a time when we had religious orphenages. It wasn't perfect but better nonetheless. Foster care is the modern golden goose, it is ran by greedy folks. They'll gladly drown the kid with 'meds' if he generates more revenue this way. Foster care is one of the greater evil in this world alongside psychiatry. The world may be pitched black - an atrocity of the endless void, but the light of God, it cannot exstinguish.

 

[Sleeper System]

This is a story of a 25 year old man who is broken. Broken beyond any recognition. It all started March 1st 2007. I got up to get ready for school. I was 7 at the time. I got dressed and tried to wake up my mom. She didn't get up. I waited a little longer, I tried to wake her up again. I told my grandma that she wasn't getting up. This 75 year old woman sprinted to the room. She attempted to wake her up. Still didn't wake up. Shortly after the paramedics came. They pronounce her dead. I was the first to find her. Seeing her dead still haunts me 17 year later. After she died I was given to my aunt and her husband. I was with them for 6 years. 6 years of agonizing abuse. 2013 was when I had my first disturbing thought. I was homicidal and suicidal. Every day I would get beaten my her husband. Day after day. At the peak of the abuse I was locked in a room 6 feet long 2 feet wide. The also installed window locks so I wouldn't escape. I was given 1 meal day for months. I was told when I could sleep. When I could eat. When I could go to the bathroom. In that god forsaken room I had nothing but a dresser a chair a desk and a blanket I could sleep on if I was lucky. In that room I was loosing my mind. I couldn't understand why God would put me through so much pain and misery. Asking, begging, pleading for an answer the pain I experienced. I was planning my suicide and my abuser's murder. Until I managed to run away. I was 13 at the time.

After I ran away I was put in foster care. I was in foster care for 4 years. I was in 4 different families 4 different schools. Having to rebuild my life 4 times over. My last foster family ended up adopting me. I thought I'd finally be happy. They were my adoptive parents for 18 months after my adoptive dad threatened to kill me. I was homeless for 2 years. In that time I discovered how cruel mean and unforgiving this world is. At the homeless shelter is where I attempted suicide for the first time. For another year I was in a group while being in and out of the hospital for suicide attempts month after month. The whole reason I'm still alive now is because I got on SSI. I hate myself. I hate this world. I wish I was dead.

I can't imagine what that must have been like for you.
Feeling sorry for you won't help you but I do feel it regardless. You are still alive and even though you aren't happy you are still here. You are stronger than you think.
Those SSI checks are nice and can ease some of the burden. I hope you feel better one day.

 

[pebpebpebpeb]

i enjoyed listening to your story, i bet you are a very wise man. you have a story to tell, which can uplift so many people and help them realize they're not alone. don't waste this life.

 

[worthless_nightmare]

i enjoyed listening to your story, i bet you are a very wise man. you have a story to tell, which can uplift so many people and help them realize they're not alone. don't waste this life.

My life is already wasted, I'm planning on ctb next month. I'm done dealing with cruel people in cruel world run by cruel people. The Doomed by A Perfect Circle descibes how perfectly fucked I am.

"What of the pious, the pure of heart, the peaceful?
What of the meek, the mourning, and the merciful?
What of the righteous?
What of the charitable?
What of the truthful, the dutiful, the decent?

Doomed are the poor
Doomed are the peaceful
Doomed are the meek
Doomed are the merciful
For the word is now death
And the word is now without light
The new beatitude

Fuck the doomed, you're on your own"

 

[butterball]

thank you for sharing your story, im so sorry for what you had to go through :<< i hope writing this post helped you a little<3

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you've been through, it's such a cruel, hellish existence where people have to suffer so much. But anyway I hope that you find the freedom you search for, best of luck in your plans.