Venting 8 more months still

[M.O.N]

still about 8 months until my date. most days are exhausting. I have my supplies already but it's important to stick to my plan because I made it for a reason. I miss my best friend. their younger sibling is spending their first christmas as an only child and I feel so sad for them. all I have to offer are words and understanding but both are useless right now. more guilt creeping up about leaving my own but I know it's for the best.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best of luck in your plans.

 

[Mayonaise]

more guilt creeping up about leaving my own but I know it's for the best.

Hey there, nice to see you again.
I know guilt too well. I've been feeling this way ever since my mental health started going down the drain, but that could have been just a symptom of depression.
Being suicidal, however, took my sense of guilt to a whole new level. Just staring at old pictures with my parents was enough to make me burst into tears.
Hope you never experience what I have. I know why you picked that particular date and I believe you've thought it over.
See you soon. Best wishes

 

[M.O.N]

Hey there, nice to see you again.
I know guilt too well. I've been feeling this way ever since my mental health started going down the drain, but that could have been just a symptom of depression.
Being suicidal, however, took my sense of guilt to a whole new level. Just staring at old pictures with my parents was enough to make me burst into tears.
Hope you never experience what I have. I know why you picked that particular date and I believe you've thought it over.
See you soon. Best wishes

I've just seen this. reading your reply made my heart ache for you, I know what you mean about the feeling you get when looking at old pictures. I had a really good time with my younger sister a few days ago and felt like crying the entire time for the same reason. I don't know what you've experienced but I can only imagine how deeply and seriously it weighs on your heart. If you would ever like to talk about it, my messages are open. I'm not on here too often because it can make it difficult for me to stay focused and patient but I promise to answer when I am. Thank you again for the empathy and kindness. I'm sorry life hasn't been as kind to you. As hypocritical as this is, it makes me sad to know that you'll be leaving too. I wish this was a kinder, softer world. Sending you so, so much warmth friend. I hope things are as okay as they can be.

 

[Mayonaise]

Thank you so, so much for your affectionate reply. I can't express in words how much it means to me.
You don't have to be sorry for me though - easier said than done, I know.
I'm much older than you and had a very intense life. The fact that I seem to be done for doesn't erase all the great moments I had.
Spend as much time with your loved ones as you can. I wish you could live long enough to reach my age and experience some of the joy I had, so I'm the one who should feel sorry.
But I believe that, for most of the things in this world, quality is more important than quantity. Life expectancy is no exception.

Yes, messaging you would be nice, but I'd like to share, not vent. And I would only do it if you're feeling like sharing too - I just don't want to make you sadder.
Hope you can understand me, if yes - we have a deal.
Thank you for allowing me to cry. As fucked up as it seems, crying has been my almost constant companion these last few years. It brings me comfort, so thank you for bringing my companion back to me.